Diagnosis Murder

Nose Job

By LuckyLadybug

Notes: The characters are not mine, but the story is! I have edited this so it isn't script format, because I like it and I don't want to remove it.


Jack entered the pathology lab, an amused smirk on his face. Seeing Amanda was there, he went over and leaned on the desk. "You know, a funny thing happened to me last night in ER," he greeted her.

Amanda looked up, her expression bored. "What, Jack? Don't tell me that dead guy got up and walked away."

Jack snickered under his breath. "No, actually. . . . This guy brought his kid, in, see? And the kid had gotten this tire from a toy tractor stuck up his nose."

Now Amanda frowned. "I don't see anything funny about that. That could've been disastrous!"

But Jack shook his head. "No, no, that's not the funny part. So, anyway, I take the kid into an examination room and remove the tire and the dad takes him home."

Amanda smirked now. "End of story," she finished.

Jack gave her a mock put-out look. "Oh, c'mon, Amanda!" he scolded.

Amanda blinked innocently at him, feigning surprise. "There's more?"

Jack rolled his eyes. "Maybe I just won't tell you," he retorted.

Amanda was intrigued in spite of herself, even though she would not admit it. "Oh, no, Jack," she said, "c'mon, tell me!

Jack was pleased, and he paused for dramatic effect. But upon Amanda's warning look, he finally picked up the narrative once again.

"Well . . . Okay. So then I'm looking over this patient's chart, and the dad comes back in." He grinned. It was hard to control the urge to laugh as he was getting to the good part. And from Amanda's expression, she still did not see what was coming.

"So he's standing there in the doorway looking sheepish and finally he says, 'You know, as we were driving home, I was looking at the tire and I was wondering how in the world did Jeremy get this thing up his nose?'" He paused again, watching Amanda's reaction.

She glared at him impatiently. "Well?" she demanded. "Go on, Jack. I have a date with a dead guy and I'm already late!" She gestured to the covered slab in emphasis.

Jack grinned again, mischievously. ". . . It only took me a few minutes to get the tire out of Dad's nose."

Amanda simply gave him a stony look as the dead silence filled the air. "So he was actually stupid enough to try to fit it into his nose?" she exclaimed finally, in disbelief.

"Yeah," Jack nodded. "That's what's so crazy about the whole thing."

Abruptly a familiar voice started to laugh. Both whirled to see Mark standing in the doorway, terribly amused.

"Oh, now that's a good one!" he declared, when he managed to calm himself. Then he blinked, looking over as an embarrassed Norman approached the lab.

Amanda was the first to speak. "Oh, hello, Mr. Briggs," she greeted. "Jack was just telling us about a little misfortune in the ER last night."

Norman nodded, his expression obviously uncomfortable. "Yes, Dr. Bentley, I know all about the, um . . . misfortune," he said awkwardly. Then he paused, shifting his weight.

Mark watched him with curiosity. "Norman, you look like you have something on your mind," he observed. "What is it?"

Norman glanced around, then pulled Mark aside. Jack and Amanda strained to hear.

When he spoke, it was in a whisper. "Mark, can I see you in the ER?" he asked. "I . . . er . . . I was looking at the tire Dr. Stewart removed from Mr. Bennings' nose and wondering how he could be so silly as to get it stuck in his nose and . . ."

Mark gave the hospital administrator an understanding smile. "Come on, Norman," he agreed, "I'll get that tire out of your nose."

As he led Norman off, Jack and Amanda looked at each other and burst out laughing.