Proxy Arrangement.

by Adrian Tullberg.

Rated: PG

Giles was busy jotting down the day's takings in his thick ledger. He still relished using the thick book despite Willow's pleas for him to use the accounting program she'd spent a full day setting up.

The sound of the front door opening drew his head from his calculations. Xander stood there, features intent yet expressionless. His voice also bore no hint of inflection or emotion.

"You ... and Anya ..."

Giles bowels experienced a brief weightless sensation as the youth walked towards the counter.

"She told me everything ..."

Giles stayed where he was ... the counter made a good barrier. He heard his voice making the hurried explanation before he even knew his lips were moving.

"It was after work ... she virtually assaulted me, right here on the floor. Threatened ... ghastly things ..."

Xander maintained his slow, methodical gait towards the storekeeper, who was frozen to the spot.

"I swear, Xander ... I never wanted to ..."

The boy finally rounded the counter ... and pounced ...

... enveloping Giles in a hug, his eyes now rimming with tears. "Thank you, man, thank you ..." His voice broke in a half-choked sob while Giles just stood there, wondering ...

Xander broke away, his expression that of a man who is finally released from a life sentence. "Lately, she's been too much to handle. I mean, sure, every guy wants to have a nympho for a girlfriend, but night after night ...?"

Giles watched the boy start pacing up and down the area behind the counter, his expression curious. "I'm coming down from my sexual prime here! I can feel my interest fading! But her's is just getting warmed up!"

"Well, she is somewhat demanding ..."

Xander didn't pause in his exposition. "Costumes! Leather! Rubber! Handcuffs! Latex products going where only the medically qualified have a right to go! Weird games invented by guys on the internet with too much spare time and not enough medication!"

He stopped his pacing, to give Giles a look of absolute gratitude. "But last night ... I mean, for the first time in ... god knows, I slept for a full eight hours without her jumping on top and wanting to play 'The Lone Ranger'! One night without the neighbours screaming to shut up!"

Giles shurgged, not quite looking at Xander's face. "It ... it was nothing ..."

The teen leaned against the tower, looking a little fatigued. "Nothing, the man says, saving my sanity ... I mean ... doesn't she want to just cuddle any more...?"

Giles reached over, and patted his shoulder in what he prayed was a reassuring manner. "It's all right Xander, she'll settle down ... eventually ..."

Xander looked up at Giles, the relief evident. "I knew if anyone could help ..." He hugged the older man again.

He broke off from Giles and headed for the door, turning when he reached the handle.

"Oh, by the way ... I was going to head upstate to see my Aunt Judy for a week ... can you take care of Anya while I'm gone ...?"

Giles slowly nodded, wondering what he was getting himself into. "No ... not a problem ..."

Xander broke into a wide smile, and left the store. Giles could swear the boy was skipping.

Giles reached for the ledger, intent on completing the tallying when the door opened again. He looked up to see Buffy closing the door behind her.

"Oh, hello ..." he looked down to the book again, only to hear the door being firmly locked.

"I just got a glowing review from Anya."

Giles suddenly saw his Slayer slowly stalking up to him, pinning him with a predator's gaze while unbuttoning her blouse.


Buffy kept her slow, unhurried pace. Giles backed up until the rear shelves touched his back.

"Please no."

Shucking her top, she grabbed the terrified Englishman and hauled him over the counter ...


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