Chapter 1: Angle Has Left The Building
"You guys have been hand-picked by me to be in a new video for a song of my choosing," I informed a group of WWE wrestlers. They were all sitting around the room wondering exactly what the hell was going on. They had all been doing various things when all of a sudden they had all appeared together in this room, one at a time.
"How did we get here, first of all?" the Undertaker asked. "And who the hell are you?"
"Is that any way to talk to me?" I asked him. "I'm TakerTakeMe, the narrator and creator of many stories about you and other wrestlers here. I made you guys come here just with the sheer power of my creativity and my complex mind. And guess what? Here, in this alternate reality called fanfiction dot net, I'm your boss."
"No one is my boss," Taker replied. "And your name, TakerTakeMe... Is that supposed to be symbolic or something?"
"Take it how you wanna, Deadman," I replied with a careless flick of my hair from in front of my eyes. "It literally means what is says...but that's not the point now."
"Then what's the point? Because this is totally weird," Chris Jericho said from next to Taker.
"Ah, shut up and let the woman speak," John Cena said. He looked at me. "I'm paying full attention, ma'am."
I smiled. "You're like the teacher's pet, aren't ya, John?" Some people snickered, and John looked crestfallen. "I love the teacher's pet, though." I gave him a smile and he smiled back. "Now, on to what's gonna happen today."
"Can I have some milk?" Kurt Angle asked.
"No, Kurt," I said. "I have to tell you all about what's gonna happen today."
"Please?" he pleaded. "If I don't have enough milk today then I won't have enough calcium and if I don't have enough calcium then my bones will be brittle and if my bones are brittle then I can't wrestle and if I can't wrestle then I can't live and if I can't live then I'm obviously dead and if I'm dead then-"
"Now let the woman talk," Taker said, satisfied as his handprint began to show up on Kurt's face, wide and red.
Kurt only nodded and put his hand up to his face.
"Thanks. Now, the song you will be doing the video for is called 'Rocking Chair' and it's a TakerTakeMe original," I informed them.
"Hold on, hold on. Rocking Chair?" Batista asked.
"Yep," I replied. "Now... Basically this song is about this guy that has everything in life but only wants a rocking chair to make him happy. But he can't get the one he wants, because there's this fat ass guy sitting in it and he won't get up."
"That's dumb, brother," Hulk Hogan scoffed from the back of the room.
"I'm not a brother... I'm a sista! Shawn, would you do the honors?" I asked in a bored voice.
"With pleasure," Shawn Michaels replied. He got up and superkicked Hogan out of his boots. "Was that ok?" he asked after he'd done it.
"Perfect," I said. "Now that he is out cold, shall I continue?" Vigorous nodding from the rest of the wrestlers. "Awesome. So this song is kind of weird, I already know, but you guys will help make it a hit, I know. Who knows how to sing or rap here?"
"Me! Me! Pick me!" Jericho exclaimed, waving his hand around in the air. "I'm a rock starrrrrr!"
"I can rap, yo," John said. "I can bust a rhyme or two. Won't you let me bust a freestyle for you?"
"I can sing," Taker said. Everyone looked at him, surprised. "What? The Deadman can't sing? Do I need to prove it?"
"Sure. Do your thing," I said.
Everyone looked at Taker expectantly. He cleared his voice, then began singing. "Are you lonesome tonight? Do you miss me tonight? Are you sorry we drifted apart? Is your heart filled with pain? Shall I come back again? Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?" He looked around when he was done.
"What the hell? You sound like Elvis," Batista said after a long silence.
"Duh," Taker said. "That was an Elvis song, ya know."
"I'm sorry. That's not really the sound I'm looking for right now," I said to Taker in a sad voice. "But I could use you later on tonight back at the hotel."
"No problem," he said, not in the least bit disappointed. "Would you like me to meet you there?"
"Yes. As a matter of fact, how about you head over to the hotel now and get ready?" I suggested.
"Ok, sure. See you asses later," he said to his fellow wrestlers, and headed for the door.
"The Undertaker has left the building," Kurt said, laughing at his own lame joke. No one else laughed, but they did start smiling really big a few seconds later.
"He's right behind me, isn't he?" Kurt asked as a shadow fell over him.
"Damn, Angle, you're so smart," Taker said, then proceeded to chokeslam him through the floor. "Well, what do ya know? Kurt Angle has left the building..."