Here is just a little song parody! Enjoy! This is the first in a series. This is to the tune of "The Cell Block Tango" from "Chicago".

Disclaimer: I own neither Desperate Housewives or Chicago. I basically own nothing. Oh well ( sigh)…

And now I am proud to present The Wisteria Lane Tango!

Mary Alice:

Bang

Susan:

Fix

Bree:

Salad

Lynette:

Aaahhh

Edie:

Susan

Gabrielle:

Solis

Random Guy: And now…the six desperate housewives of suburbia, in their rendition of…the Wisteria Lane Tango…

Mary Alice:

Bang

Susan:

Fix

Bree:

Salad

Lynette:

Aaahhh

Edie:

Susan

Gabrielle:

Solis

Mary Alice:

Bang

Susan:

Fix

Bree:

Salad

Lynette:

Aaahhh

Edie:

Susan

Gabrielle:

Solis

All:

He had it comin', he had it comin', he only had himself to blame!

If you had been there, if you had seen it

Edie: I betcha you would have done the same!

( All repeat their word-dealies twice)

Mary Alice:

Ya know how people have these little habits that getcha down, like, Mrs Huber. Mrs. Huber liked to talk…no, not talk, gossip! So I'm getting the mail one morning and I'm real cheerful and happy, and there's that note, and I go and put it on the counter, no, not put, BANG! I said to her, I said, you write a threatening not one more time…and she did! So, I take the shotgun out of the closet and I fire two suicidal shots…into my head…

All:

If you have been there, if you had seen it, I betcha Mrs. Huber was to blame!

Susan:

I met Mike Delfino from across the street about three months ago, and he told me he was a plumber, and I hired him right away. Soon, we started visiting eachother. He'd come over, look at the pipes, I'd get him a drink, I'd attempt to invite him to dinner, and then I found out…plumber, he told me, PLUMBER MY ASS! Not only was he not a plumber, he killed a guy. One of those murderers, ya know? So that night, when he came over to fix the pipes, I got him his wrench…as usual…ya know, some guys just can't hold their arsenic!

All:

He had it comin'

He had it comin'

He took up all of Susan's time

And then he lied

When Susan spied

It was kind of, but not really a crime!

Bree:

Now, I'm standing in the kitchen, polishing the silver, minding my own business. In storms my husband Rex in a jealous rage. " You been screwin' the pharmacist?" he said. He was crazy, and he kept on screaming, " You been screwin' the pharmacist!" And then I put onions in his salad…I put onios in his salad ten times…

All:

If you had been there

If you had seen it

I betcha you would have done the same!

Lynette:

( short-circuits and screams words of anger far too inappropriate to print)

Mrs. Huber:

Yeah, but didja drug them?

Lynette:

Aah-aah, not…working…

All: He had it comin'…

Edie:

My neighbor, Susan and I had this really big feud, and the plumber, Mike was involved. Now for the last few weeks, Mike and I had this plumbing dealy, and he would count the number of pipes, one, two, three, four, five, one right after the other. So me and Mike are down in my basement, schmoozing, have a few laughs, and he runs out of nails, so, I go out to get some. I drive in, look out the window, and there's Mike the plumber, across the street, WITH SUSAN! Well, I was in such a state of shock, I completely freaked out, and I got jealous. It wasn't until later…when I saw Mike kissing Susan that I even knew they were on a date!

He had it comin'

He had it comin'

He was wasting all his time

Susan was

So determined

To make sure he wasn't mine!

Gabrielle:

I loved Carlos Solis's money more than I could possibly say. He was a real rich guy, a business man, a lawyer, but I was unhappy with him at home, I'd go out every night cheating on him, and on the way…I found John…the…gardener. I guess you could say Carlos and I broke up because of legal reasons. I was a good girl, while he was a gay basher!

All:

The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum

The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum

He had it comin'

He had it comin'

He really wasted my time

Why did I agree

To get married

His tie was a fashion crime!

Mary Alice:

You write a threatening note one more time…

Susan:

plumber, my ass!...

Bree:

ten times…

Lynnete:

( short-circuiting)…

Edie:

across the street with Susan…

Gabrielle:

legal differences…

Mary Alice:

Bang

Susan:

Fix

Bree:

Salad

Edie:

Susan

Gabrielle:

Solis