10 years later.
As I slowly crept towards the kitchen I sensed a strange interruption in the powerful kitty-force…
In living room someone is, (For the not so quick people out there that was a Yoda impression)
Now it was my job as Crookshanks san the protector of the house to kick the intruder out with my ninja combined kick jump and back toss. I just have to get the trampoline in there unnoticed...
You broke that last Monday.
Ugh how I hate Monday- uuu after all this time I actually do have a conscience!
Anywho, I'm just going to go into the living room without the trampoline.
The sharp rainbow colored Christmas lights temporarily blinded me as I entered the lounge. They were everywhere, around all windows even around the big flowery pink couch. Hermione had really outdone herself this year.
It was a surprise that there was enough electricity to get my blow drie- uh Television to work… okay, you caught me, my name is Crookshanks and I blow dry my fur (don't even try to figure out how I do it)
Bu-but seriously if I didn't my fur would just be… puffy and make me look bulky.
It's not as if I need fur to do that, make me look bulky that is, my flappy-ness has got that covered.
And since I'm in this confessional mood… IT WAS ME WHO TOOK THE COOKIE FROM THE COOKIEJAR!
But uh, back to my heroic tale,
I quickly regained my sight and was shocked to see a thing, a being, an existence, which I had never come across before.
It was big, it was huge, it was e-freaking-normous!
With big, huge and enormous I'm talking like, bigger then…
…me! My eyes widen at the realization.
I looked ashamed down at my tummy (which was getting to big for the paws to reach the ground) I should've forced a fifth steak down, another gingerbread house...
Don't they have like, anti-liposuction? Where they inject fat instead of removing it?
Ew, I am not getting anybody elses fat implanted in me. I don't want to turn all exorcist.
Maybe another box of canned tuna will do the job?
I decided to get it over with and charged, no I power walked, okay I dragged my five hundred pound self towards the big red lobsterman.
But he wasn't alone.
Gasp Hermione! Why-how-isn't Malfoy enough?
I hissed with disgust, she was going to give up 8 years of marriage for a queer clad, obese and hairy fellow?!
No of course, mistletoe, they must be standing under mistletoe, never neglect the laws of the mistletoe.
I raised my self a whole inch, yet I saw no sign of the merry red and green plant.
No it must be… eh her cousin then! …ew, that's just wrong.
I have to stop this.
So, I hissed my most furious fizz.
They abruptly stopped exchanging salvia and noticed my presence.
"Crookshanks, you still awake?" Hermione said,
"Save your excuses," I hissed, "I saw you!"
"Saw what? We didn't touch your presents if that's what you think," The crimson dude said sounding exactly like Mal…
I never knew red made you look that bloate- NO it's not him, can't be, Malfoy would never tacky enough to wear scarlet! Ever! And what is with that beard? It's not him, it-it can't be…
I'm not going crazy, just a nightmare, yeah that's it, a nightmare; I'll wake up any minute now.
Am I going crazy? Am I going craaazy? Possibly. I remember- eh, I think I'm just going to go to sleep now, I thought to myself as I shook my head, turned around and walked out of the living room heading for bed, tomorrow this will all just be a dream and I get to open my presents and this will all be forgotten… I made myself comfortable and yawned, just a dream, all a drea-snoooore
Back in the living room
"I think we confused him," Malfoy said looking bemused at the spot Crookshanks had been in just a few seconds ago,
"I don't think he recognized you," Hermione said with a smile, putting her arms around his neck.
"Oh? Don't I look irresistible?" Malfoy asked with a smirk,
"I think you look a bit bloated actually," Hermione teased,
"Really?" Malfoy asked pecking her lips,
"Then I must burn it right away,"
"No, keep it, it's cute"
"Cute you say?"
Folks, let's just cut to the crap before the fluff kills us with its fluffy-ness;
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!
Hope you enjoyed this ;)