10 years later.

As I slowly crept towards the kitchen I sensed a strange interruption in the powerful kitty-force…

In living room someone is, (For the not so quick people out there that was a Yoda impression)

Now it was my job as Crookshanks san the protector of the house to kick the intruder out with my ninja combined kick jump and back toss. I just have to get the trampoline in there unnoticed...

You broke that last Monday.

Ugh how I hate Monday- uuu after all this time I actually do have a conscience!

Anywho, I'm just going to go into the living room without the trampoline.

The sharp rainbow colored Christmas lights temporarily blinded me as I entered the lounge. They were everywhere, around all windows even around the big flowery pink couch. Hermione had really outdone herself this year.

It was a surprise that there was enough electricity to get my blow drie- uh Television to work… okay, you caught me, my name is Crookshanks and I blow dry my fur (don't even try to figure out how I do it)

Bu-but seriously if I didn't my fur would just be… puffy and make me look bulky.

It's not as if I need fur to do that, make me look bulky that is, my flappy-ness has got that covered.

And since I'm in this confessional mood… IT WAS ME WHO TOOK THE COOKIE FROM THE COOKIEJAR!

But uh, back to my heroic tale,

I quickly regained my sight and was shocked to see a thing, a being, an existence, which I had never come across before.

It was big, it was huge, it was e-freaking-normous!

With big, huge and enormous I'm talking like, bigger then…

me! My eyes widen at the realization.

I looked ashamed down at my tummy (which was getting to big for the paws to reach the ground) I should've forced a fifth steak down, another gingerbread house...

Don't they have like, anti-liposuction? Where they inject fat instead of removing it?

Ew, I am not getting anybody elses fat implanted in me. I don't want to turn all exorcist.

Maybe another box of canned tuna will do the job?

I decided to get it over with and charged, no I power walked, okay I dragged my five hundred pound self towards the big red lobsterman.

But he wasn't alone.

Gasp Hermione! Why-how-isn't Malfoy enough?

I hissed with disgust, she was going to give up 8 years of marriage for a queer clad, obese and hairy fellow?!

No of course, mistletoe, they must be standing under mistletoe, never neglect the laws of the mistletoe.

I raised my self a whole inch, yet I saw no sign of the merry red and green plant.

No it must be… eh her cousin then! …ew, that's just wrong.

I have to stop this.

So, I hissed my most furious fizz.

They abruptly stopped exchanging salvia and noticed my presence.

"Crookshanks, you still awake?" Hermione said,

"Save your excuses," I hissed, "I saw you!"

"Saw what? We didn't touch your presents if that's what you think," The crimson dude said sounding exactly like Mal…


I never knew red made you look that bloate- NO it's not him, can't be, Malfoy would never tacky enough to wear scarlet! Ever! And what is with that beard? It's not him, it-it can't be…

I'm not going crazy, just a nightmare, yeah that's it, a nightmare; I'll wake up any minute now.

Anytime now

Am I going crazy? Am I going craaazy? Possibly. I remember- eh, I think I'm just going to go to sleep now, I thought to myself as I shook my head, turned around and walked out of the living room heading for bed, tomorrow this will all just be a dream and I get to open my presents and this will all be forgotten… I made myself comfortable and yawned, just a dream, all a drea-snoooore

Back in the living room

"I think we confused him," Malfoy said looking bemused at the spot Crookshanks had been in just a few seconds ago,

"I don't think he recognized you," Hermione said with a smile, putting her arms around his neck.

"Oh? Don't I look irresistible?" Malfoy asked with a smirk,

"I think you look a bit bloated actually," Hermione teased,

"Really?" Malfoy asked pecking her lips,

"Yes, really,"

"Then I must burn it right away,"

"No, keep it, it's cute"

"Cute you say?"


Folks, let's just cut to the crap before the fluff kills us with its fluffy-ness;


Hope you enjoyed this ;)