Don't Kill Me!

You know the world is crazy when Sakuno, Eiji, and Kaidoh are coincidently locked in a classroom. Just how are these three totally different people clash with each other? ONE SHOT

One Shot: Don't Kill Me!


"…Hiss…Try jiggling the handle."

"Nya! I did!"

"Then you're too weak. Try lifting some weights."

"Nya! Seriously! I can't do that! My acrobatic figure will be forever ruined!"


"U-Uhm. Maybe we could go out the window."

"Brat, we're three stories high."

"Nya! Don't talk to her that way! At least she's thinking you stupid snake!"

"Repeat that Eijiand I'll make sure to tell Oishi he needs a new partner because his old one happened to fall out the window."

"…wow, that was the longest sentence you said, snake."


"U-Uhm senpai! Quit fighting!"

"Nyaaa! Acrobatic GENUIS, right here! HELL YEAH! Can't touch this! Dun nah nah nah."



"Eiji senpai!"

Eiji suddenly jumped up, hitting his head on a branch in the motion. Wincing, Eiji grabbed his head and stared down from the tree. His uniform jacket was casually thrown over him as a blanket and his shoes were presently on the ground, leaving him in his cotton white socks.

Jumping down perfectly, Eiji grinned and greeted the girl in front of him.

"Yo!" Eiji said, throwing up a hand casually.

Tomoka huffed at Eiji before crossing her arms. Her skirt was rolled up so it ended halfway on her thighs- a cheap little trick that the school girls happen to pick up on.

"Eiji senpai! Do you know where Ryoma sama is!" Tomoka asked; she threw one of her pig tails over her shoulder.

Eiji groaned before throwing his arms over his head. He seemed to ponder a bit before showing his back to his underclassmen.

"Nya, how am I supposed to know?" Eiji replied. He started to feel the grass beneath his sock covered feet. Eiji grinned as he felt the moist ground beneath him.

Tomoka rolled her eyes and then smiled before taking out a red envelope.

"Well you see…I happen to have an anonymous love letter for him…But…if you don't know where he is…"

Eiji had suddenly forgotten about the feel of grass between his toes and a spark appeared in his catlike eyes. Anything to do with the Ochibi's love life had to be ever so delicious.

"Nya! On second though, I might have an idea of where it is…" Eiji suggested, his fingers slowly inching towards the sweet smelling letter.

Tomoka grinned before snatching the letter away from Eiji. Her confident smile pasted on, the girl started to wonder if all upperclassmen were this gullible.

"Well now! I guess you could tell me…but then. Oh, I have such an important meeting to attend to and I just can't deliver this letter!" Tomoka gasped before placing a hand against her cheek to emphasize her point.

"Nya, really now? You know I can just deliver it for you!" Eiji pushed on, his upper body hovering over Tomokas'.

Tomoka grinned.

"Of course you can!" Tomoka said before handing Eiji the letter.

Eiji snatched the letter and waved to Tomoka, who started to skip away. The girl half turned and waved back at Eiji, a secret smile playing upon her lips.

Full of boundless energy, the red head quickly started to smoosh his feet into his shoes before running off into the school. Jumping down fleets of stares, and dodging people, Eiji smiled knowing how great it was to be an acrobat.

Taking a summersault over a person, Eiji took a glance at the letter in his hand.

"Hmm. Ochibi's homeroom is 2-A…nya! Better hurry up! Schools' almost over!"


Kaidoh gaped after hitting what seemed his five hundredth ball of the day. Grabbing a bleach white towel, the fatigued tennis player started to wipe his sticky face before wrapping it around his neck. His blue tee had was drenched with sweat and stuck to his body.

He started placed his racket into the tennis bag before reaching into his bag to take out a bottle. His hand began to twitch in annoyance when he took out nothing but air.

"Hiss…left it in the lockeroom."

Kaidoh just hissed out his anger and began to walk into the locker room, leaving the tennis balls for the first years to clean up.

Quickly shrugging his school jacket on, Kaidoh looked in his clothing slot for a water bottle. He began to grim in annoyance as he found it empty.

"Hiiss…That idiot must've drunk out of it…"

Of course, as he thought this, a quick picture of Momoshiro popped into his head.

Kaidoh crunched the bottle in his hand before hurling it into the trash can, knocking the bin down in the process.

After what was done, Kaidoh started to walk towards the water fountain. Turning the knob on, Kaidoh began to breathe in relief when cool, fresh water began to run out.

"At least something works today."

As Kaidoh slowly leaned forward, he felt an immense pressure on his back causing him to take on the water in full blast. The liquid quickly drenching his school jacket and running water up his nose, Kaidoh gritted his teeth and lifted up his head to see who dared to mess with him.

Instead Kaidoh saw nothing in back of him, turning a bit, however. Kaidoh squinted his eyes to see a certain red head jump towards the school.

"That little…" Kaidoh muttered and he began to chase the red head.


Sakuno wiped a sweat off her brow as she stared at the clean classroom in pride. Her uniform was slightly dusty and her hair had a few strands hanging out. The girl walked towards her bag, straightening a few papers before placing them nicely.

Walking towards the door, Sakuno began to carefully close it so that it left a small gap between the door and the lock. You see, no one was allowed to fully close room 2-A's door because the lock was broken. Last time, a student was locked inside and had to wait for the Janitor to unscrew the door.

Grinning, Sakuno walked over to her bag and took out a book. Flipping through the pages, Sakuno smiled softly as she hit her book mark. Sitting down, Sakuno began to read through the boundless imagination filled within the sheet.

You see, this was the only time and place Sakuno could get any peace from the world. No one ever comes into her classroom after school. And if she went home, her grandmother would only bother her about her homework.

Not to mention Tomoka would make Sakuno buy her lunch as soon as the pigtailed girl set eyes on her.

Sakuno suddenly gasped as the door slammed open and Eiji came running in. His hair was messy and his pants had dirt on the bottom. Sakuno started to grab her beating heart, dropping her book in the process.

Hearing the book fall, Eiji looked over to Sakuno and grinned. Walking over, Sakuno noticed the crinkled paper in the upperclassman's hand.

"Nya! Ryuuzaki! Do you know if Ochibi's here?" Eiji piped.

Sakuno shook her head and looked down at her lap, blushing at Ryoma's nickname.

"Ryoma kun…left a while ago." Sakuno answered.

"Nya? He did?" Eiji said and he started to lean against the window. Breathing hard, the red head took out the letter, holding the paper above him. "I wanted to read this letter, too!"

Sakuno looked at Eiji and then to the floor. She frowned as she saw the dirt prints on the waxed floor that Sakuno had worked forty-seven exact minutes on.

"Eiji senpai…I don't want to be rude, but would you kindly leave?"

Eiji stared wide eyed at Sakuno, a questionable face ran across his cat like features.

Sakuno looked down at her lap again, clutching her bag closer, Sakuno looked at Eiji with full determination.

"Y-you see, you're tracking dirt all over the floor."

Eiji looked down at his feet; indeed, there were specks of brown grains in the places where he had just stepped.

Looking up, Eiji grinned at Sakuno.

"Nya! What's a little dirt?"

Sakuno gaped at Eiji.

"What's a little…dirt!"

Sakuno suddenly stood up; Eiji glanced at her, a questionable feature coming across his face. Lord, he barely knew the girl, but he always thought she was so shy.

"E-Eiji senpai! I worked forty-seven minutes exact in here! I-I worked so hard and you just…" Sakuno muttered she suddenly gaped and covered her mouth.

Sakuno immediately stammered and placed a strand behind her head.

"I'I'm sorry! I shouldn't have yelled…" Sakuno apologized.

Eiji then took this time to scratch his head.

"Nya, didn't know you were so anal about this…" Eiji said.

Sakuno once again gaped at Eiji. Her face had an angered flush.

"E-Escuse me? Eiji senpai you really-"


Eiji and Sakuno suddenly gasped. Eiji held onto the window while Sakuno started to clutch her beating heart once more.

There stood Kaidoh, in his drenched shirt glory. His hair was obviously messed up and dripping with water, his eyes were blazed with pure annoyance and his knuckles were clenched white.

"Nya, K-Kaidoh! Get anymore hot headed and steam will go out your ears!" Eiji laughed nervously.

However, Kaidoh ignored him and started to walk straight up to Eiji, his loud footsteps echoing in the room.

Kaidoh grabbed Eiji by the collar and gave the best intense glare he could muster up with. It obviously worked as Eiji began to have nothing but shaken fear in his eyes.

Suddenly Sakuno let out a high pitched "sqeak" noise causing Kaidoh to cock his head at the first year in annoyance.

"Hiss…when did she get here?"

Eiji also tried the best he could to crane his neck to see the pig tailed girl.

Sakuno was continually jumping in place while pointing a frantic finger at the door, her pig tails were jumping all around as she couldn't stay in one place.

"Hiss, what the hell is wrong with you?" Kaidoh yelled, only to make his death grip tighter.

Eiji gasped for air and tried to struggle out of Kaidoh's grip.

"You shut the door Kaidoh senpai!" Sakuno screamed.

"So!" Kaidoh remarked. He was seriously getting pissed now.

Sakuno turned to Kaidoh and Eiji, fear finally settling in.

"We're locked in!"

Kaidoh dropped Eiji, who winced as he landed fully on his rump.




"Come to think of it…" Eiji began, he placed his feet on the desk in front of him and leaned back in his chair.

Sakuno secretly glared at Eiji's dirty shoes contrasting on the clean, desk she had so very worked on. She sat in the chair across from him, the novel perched in her hands.

"What, Eiji senpai?" Sakuno managed to speak. Lord, her politeness was becoming too much of a habit.

Eiji began to balance a pencil on the tip of his nose.

"Nya, 'was just thinking that it was all Kaidoh's fault!" Eiji said and he started to laugh.

Kaidoh hissed and used to foot to kick Eiji's chair, causing the red head to fall flat on his back.

"Easy, easy!" Eiji yelled and he darted behind Sakuno who was having a death grip on her book.

"Damn cat!" Kaidoh yelled and he stood up, making his way towards the window. Sakuno yelped in surprise when she heard Kaidoh punch the window and a low hiss coming from the second year's mouth.

"Nya! That guy scares me!" Eiji said and he picked up his chair before slumping into it. Then, he lazily picked up his feet and thumped it on the desk.

Sakuno sighed and looked out the window. It was already evening and the Sun was setting. She was beginning to wonder if her beloved grandmother had noticed she was missing. Then again, it was Wednesday and usually her grandmother would be having a drink at Kawamura Sushi by now. How the ritual started, Sakuno hadn't the faintest clue.

She just knew she would spend the entire afternoon at Tomokas' or by herself until nine o' clock when her grandmother would stumble through the door, her hair a bit messy and breathe reeking of sake.

Yes, and Thursday she would have a major hangover and put the tennis regu8lars through hell.

"Nya! And I wanted to see what's in this note, too! You think that Tomoka chick will get pissed if I open it?" Eiji asked.

Sakuno looked up at the sound of her friend's name. She glanced at Eiji, who was holding up a red envelope to the evening sunlight.

"U-uhm, Eiji senpai? Isn't that an invitation to Tomoka's birthday party?" Sakuno asked.

Eiji glanced at Sakuno. The girl just sighed and she reached into her bag, pulling out a familiar red envelope.

"Nya! B-but she told me it was a love letter!" Eiji yelled.

"…she probably told you that so you would deliver it…" Sakuno said meekly. She smiled at the thought of her cunning friend. "You would be the quickest to deliever the message after all."

"Hiss…moron." Kaidoh's voice echoed through the classroom.

A few seconds before the words finally settling in, Eiji flipped over the desk before jumping next to Kaidoh.

"Hey! Is that how you talk to your upperclassman!" Eiji accused before grinning.

Kaidoh hissed before once again lunging at Eiji, who flipped away, and landing gracefully on the desk.

"Nya! What's wrong? Too much muscle that you can't even move?" Eiji taunted and he started to howl in laughter before dodging Kaidoh again.

Sakuno just clutched her poor book, which was now in wrinkles, and she closed her eyes.

"S-Senpai! Please stop fighting!" Sakuno pleaded, trying her best to maintain herself.


Down went a desk.



Down went a few chairs.


Kaidoh suddenly stopped, his hand nearly inching towards Eiji and Eiji about to scream bloody murder.

Sakuno suddenly gaped at the tone of her voice and blushed. She then realized she had just slammed her hands on the desk and abruptly stood up, pushing over her chair in the process.

"U-Uhm…could you please stop fighting? I worked so hard cleaning up and…" Sakuno mumbled.

Silence settled in the vacant classroom before Eiji finally started speaking/

"Wow nya… Did you hear that tone? She totally takes after Ryuuzaki sensei." Eiji said in pure honestly.

"Hiss. Are you telling me what to do?" Kaidoh threatened.

Sakuno stiffened and she slowly started to edge towards her chair.

"O-of course not!" Sakuno protested and she stepped back so much she fell straight into her chair.

Kaidoh's body loomed over Sakunos'.

Of course in Eiji's head, he pictured a chibified Kaidoh snake look-alike and a small Sakuno dressed up in a mouse costume shivering with fear.

So what Eiji does…

"Nya!" Eiji yelled and he flipped in front of Sakuno. "Fear not, mouse maiden! I shall protect you!"

Sakuno sweat dropped and smiled politely, but was still kind of iffy now.

"Coming to think, nya. How come you were in such a bad mood?" Eiji asked.

Kaidoh suddenly yelled before throwing a desk out the window. Sakuno and Eiji screamed and began to hug each other for dear life.


"Oh my God! A desk flew out that window! Echizen, let's check it out!"

"Why should we…"

"Just come on!"



Eiji stared at Sakuno. "Do we really want to?"

Sakuno slowly shook her head no, but Kaidoh's loud voice made her jump and hug Eiji tighter.


As Eiji was about to say something, Sakuno covered the red head's mouth.


Sakuno and Eiji slowly nodded, as if trying to find some way to sympathize with the anger management needed Kaidoh.

At this time, Kaidoh began to hit a desk, knocking it over.


"Hm? I wonder where Eiji is."

"Maybe he's at the school. Let's look for him, Oishi."

"Good thinking, Fuji. You coming, Tezuka?"



It was now getting dark, the midnight blue was covered the entire sky, leaving dots of white stars scattering in the canvas.

It was probably a beautiful and peaceful thing to see.

You know, if it wasn't for…


"That's not true!" Eiji protested. "Remember when she yelled at us? Huh? Did you?"

Sakuno yawned and leaned against the wall next to Eiji. The two had sat down five minutes after Kaidoh started yelling about his day.

The classroom was now a complete wreck, and Sakuno wasn't too pleased. A few desks were toppled over and a few chairs were thrown to the other side of the classroom. Also, the chalkboard received a nice crater punch from when Kaidoh began to explain how Momoshiro had taken away his action figure in third grade.

Kaidoh was breathing deeply and had sweat dripping from his head. He gave out an exasperated hiss before dropping down to the other side of Sakuno.

"Feel better?" Eiji asked and he grinned.

Kaidoh didn't say anything and the three stayed sitting down until the room had completely faded into darkness, the only faint illumination coming from the waning moon.

Suddenly, the clouds covered the moon, leaving the classroom in faint illumination.


Kaidoh and Eiji jerked from the posses and realized that it was soon too dark that they could barely see each other.

"Nya! What's wrong, Sakuno nya? I can't see you!"


"S-Senpai! I felt something furry brush against my leg!"


"I think it was a rat!"

Suddenly the topple desks could be heard and Eiji screaming bloody murder at he started to blindly leap across the classroom.

"Hiss! Damn it, I can't see a damn thing!" Kaidoh yelled and he began to hit randomly in all his directions.

"Eeks! I felt it again!" Sakuno screamed.

"Nya! Where!" Eiji yelled he jumped again but he tripped over a desk. Trying to get up, Eiji's hand reached out for what he thought was the leg of the desk.

"Kya! Something grabbed me!" Sakuno screamed and she began to hit at the thing grabbing her leg.

"Nya! Stop hitting me!" Eiji started to beg Sakuno.

"Hisss…where are you!" Kaidoh yelled, he whacked another desk to somewhere random.

"Umph!" Eiji yelled, feeling the impact of something heavy on his back.

Sakuno screamed again before running to the window, where her face laid illuminated.

Eiji let out a battle cry before hurling the desk off his body.

Kaidoh yelled, as he flet something hit his shin, limping towards the window and next to Sakuno. He began to lean against it.

"Damn it, Kikumaru!" Kaidoh hissed.

"Hey nya! You did it first!" Eiji yelled, grabbing his back.

The three were now together, as the clouds passed the moon.

"…geez. I-I honestly can't believe this!" Sakuno cried. "I-I don't know what I did to deserve this…I-I'm so scared…"

Sakuno then sunk to her knees as she began to cry. Eiji looked sympathetic and began to lean into one knee and slowly rubbing the poor girl's back.

"Nya…come on, it's not so bad! I bet people are coming to see us right now!" Eiji encouraged.

Sakuno sniffed and she began to rub her knuckles against her eyes.

"I want to go home…" Sakuno moaned. "I-I have things to do, my grandmother m-must be worried by now…"

Eiji only glared at Kaidoh for support, but the second year just gave a faint hiss before turning his head away.

"Hiss…no way I'm staying in this hell hole." Kaidoh said. He plopped down from where he was standing, which was next to Sakuno. "Give it an hour, and nothing happens, I'm going to break that damn door down."

Eiji grinned at Sakuno who began to calm down a bit.

"See? We're going to get out of here no matter what!" Eiji encouraged, he sat and and waited as Sakuno began to slowly sit on her rump.

Of course, Eiji and Kaidoh didn't fail to notice that the young girl was still nervous and jumpy at the softest noise.

"…By the way, when are you and Ochibi getting together?"

"Eiji senpai!" Sakuno suddenly yelled and she blushed.

"Nya! Is that all it took to get your mind off things?" Eiji joked.

Sakuno gave a brief smile.

"You're horrible…"

"I know."

Kaidoh gave a low hiss before brushing some dirt off his shirt.

"Why are you so into that brat?" Kaidoh asked.

Sakuno blushed before looking down.

"Ryoma kun…he…inspired me…" Sakuno said, she gave off a smile. "He's the reason I joined tennis."

"Seriously?" Eiji asked, his eyebrows perched in surprise. "Well, if you wanted a role model you should have come to me!"

Sakuno laughed and Kaidoh gave off a low chuckle.

"Hiss, what a joke."

"Hey! Take that back! I would at least be better than you!" Eiji yelled. "You would probably make her your slave or something!"

Suddenly a picture of Sakuno with a long snake tongue and a bandana came to picture and soon Sakuno began to burst out laughing.


"Heh? Ryuuzaki sensei? What are you doing here?"

"Sakuno hasn't come home yet so I got worried."

"Eh? Same thing with Eiji!"

"Oh my gooooosh! Has any of you seen my Kaidoh honey! He forgot to walk his knew puppy wuppy!"


"Hey! Echizen and I saw a desk thrown out that window! What's up?"



"…so then I said, "Oishi! That's not toothpaste!"" Eiji yelled, ending his story.

Sakuno started to clutch her sides as she started to laugh. Tears were probably itching her eyes from how hard she was laughing by now. Even Kaidoh had the briefest to smiles as he closed his eyes, listening to Eiji tell his stories.

Sakuno wiped a tear before leaning back into the wall between Kaidoh and Eiji.

"You and Oishi seem to get along real well." Sakuno commented.

Eiji's face brightened at he looked at Sakuno.

"Yeah, ever since I could imagine…You know, I used to get bullied here?"

"Really?" Sakuno asked.

Kaidoh probed one eye open.

Eiji grinned.

"Yeah, it's 'cause of my hair, you know? I mean a Japanese red head?" Eiji laughed. His face turned slightly serious, however as he began to remember.

Sakuno's face turned sincere, she could still remember how the girl would tease her because of her pigtails.

"Yeah, but then I had Oishi, you know! And even though people teased me and made jokes…he still stayed by my side!" Eiji continued, he punched the air and began to grin. "Hell yeah! It was even better when I joined the tennis team! I met Buchou, Fuji, Kawamura, Inui, Momo…hell, the entire crazy bunch! To top it off, Ochibi transferred!"

Sakuno smiled at the mention of Ryoma.

"Not only that…" Eiji said, "But you know, getting lost in this classroom I got to meet you too! I mean, I thought you were just an Ochibi fan girl! But now I know…"

Eiji reached over and patted Sakuno's head.

"You're a neat freak with a phobia of rats." Eiji said.

Sakuno blushed and Kaidoh gave a smirk.

Together, the three sat in the darkness, waiting for the Sun to either rise, or the door to magically open.

Kaidoh eyes began to drop slowly and he took a glance at the two sleeping figures next to him.

Eiji was leaning his head on top of Sakunos' who had her head on his shoulder. Eiji had some drool coming out of his mouth and Sakuno gave off a small snore.

Of if Kaidoh only had a camera.


Kaidoh looked forward into the darkness.

Was it pure coincidence that the most different people would be stuck in one room? Was it by mere chance that the classroom's door would be defective?

Open or closed.

Kaidoh grunted.

Either or, he didn't care. Not right now. All he wanted was some well deserved sleep.

Hey, at least he was away from that dog right?

Damn straight.

And with that, Kaidoh closed his eyes as Sakuno fell, making here lean against Kaidoh's arm, while Eiji fell onto her lap.


A few hours later, a janitor opened the door to room 2-A. How many times has he told the kids not to shut the door all the way? At least until he could get the thing fixed. But no, kids never listened these days. How, one in the morning he had to wake up and open this door because of a few howling voices banging at his door.

How they knew where he lived? No idea.

But as soon as he flung the door open, a hysterical lady, an angry grandmother, and a few tired, grumpy high school students barged right not.

The group of people paled at the result of the classroom.

All the desks were thrown and a few chairs were knocked over. The chalk board was had a punch mark in and the second to the lat window was broken.

But everyone could only stand quietly as they saw three high school students, sleeping beneath the illumination from the moon- A boy, who was unusually calm, sleeping on a girl's lap. The girl, who gave off a soft snoring sound, was leaning against another boy, who sported a bandana and had an unusually peaceful expression.

"…Jealous, Echizen?"

"Shut up, senpai."

Now the group was deciding how to wake the three up without having an assault from the bandana wearing boy who would sooner kill the first person that dares to wake him up form his well deserved sleep.


Note that "rat" was actually Sakuno's braid brushing against her leg. XD!…god. 2:58 AM…

Damn. I hope you guys enjoyed this.

Anyone like the nonexistence Sakuno pairings:

Sorry if this wasn't funny to anyone. Just had to get the idea off my shoulder 'cause it was bugging me.

I tried to add more details in this, because UndyingMelodies suggested I should…so…

You like?