Cell Block Tango – from Chicago the Musical

Featuring: Millie Thompson (Trigun), Mimori Kiryu(s.CRY.ed), Azmaria Hendric (Chrno Crusade), Yukina (Yu Yu Hakusho), Sango the Taijiya (Inuyasha)

Guest Starring: Kaoru Kamiya from Rurouni Kenshin!


Kaoru: Soo... you guys all ready?

-Her companions enter, all dressed the same strange orange jumpsuit in varying degrees of ruin. Some words appeared to be scribbled out on the front and back, but Kaoru can't make them out.-

Millie: You bet, Kaoru-san!

Kaoru: Then let's get this show on the road! -seats herself at the piano-

The curtain is drawn...


Millie:
Pop...

Mimori:
Six...

Azmaria:
Squish...

Yukina:
Koorime...

Sango:
Miroku...

Millie:
Pop...

Mimori:
Six...

Azmaria:
Squish...

Yukina:
Koorime...

Sango:
Miroku...

Kaoru:
And now, the five merry murderesses of the Tokyo Prefecture Penitentiary in their rendition of "The Cell Block Tango"...

Millie:
Pop...

Mimori:
Six...

Azmaria:
Squish...

Yukina:
Koorime...

Sango:
Miroku...

(4X)


All:
He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame
If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it

Yukina:
I betcha you would have done the same!

Millie:
Pop...

Mimori:
Six...

Azmaria:
Squish...


Yukina:
Koorime...


Sango:

Miroku...

(2X)

Millie
(Spoken)

You know how people
have these little habits that get you down.

Like Nicholas.
Nick liked to light up cigarettes.
No, not light. SMOKE. So I came home this one day,
And I am really irritated, and
looking for a little bit of sympathy
and there's Nick –

Layin' on the couch, drinkin' a beer
and lightin'. No, not lightin'.
Smokin'. So, I said to him,
I said,

"You smoke that cig one more time..."
...

-.sigh.-

And he did.
So I took the shotgun off the wall
and I fired two warning shots...
...into his head.

All:
He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame
If you'd have been there
If you'd have heard it
I betcha you would
Have done the same!

Mimori
(Spoken)
I met Straight Cougar-
From the Lost Ground-
About two years ago, and he told me he was single, and we hit it off right away.
So, we started living together.
He'd go to work, he'd come home,
I'd fix him a drink, we'd have dinner.

And then I found out.

"Single" he told me.
Single, my ass!
Not only was he married -
Oh no.

He had six wives.

One of those Mormons, you know.

So that night, when he came home, I fixed him his drink as usual.
You know, some guys just can't hold their arsenic...

Kaoru: Now now, do we really need to get all Aunt Abby-esque?

All:
He had it coming!
He had it coming!
He took a flower
In its prime!
And then he used it
And he abused it!
It was a murder
But not a crime!

Azmaria
(Spoken)
Now, I'm standing in the kitchen

Carvin' up the chicken for dinner,
Minding my own business,
In storms my husband Joshua in a jealous rage.
"You've been screwing Remington!" he says.

He was crazy and he kept screamin',
"You've been screwing Remington!"
And then he ran into my knife.
He ran into my knife ten times!

Kaoru: Er... what a strange coindence...

All:
If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it
I betcha you would have done the same!

Yukina
(spoken):
My brother Hiei and I did this double act
and my husband, Kuwabara, used to travel round with us.
Now, for the last number in our act, we did these 20 acrobatic tricks in a row
One, two, three, four, five...

Splits, spread eagles, back flips, flip-flops, one right after the other.
So this one night before the show we're down at the hotel Koorime,

The three of us, boozin', havin' a few laughs and
we ran out of ice, so I go out to get some.
I come back, open the door, and there's Hiei and
Kuwabara doing Number Seventeen - the spread eagle.
Well, I was in such a state of shock,
I completely blacked out. I can't remember a thing.
It wasn't until later -
When I was washing the blood off my hands -
I even knew they were dead.


Yukina:
They had it coming (Girls: They had it coming!)
They had it coming (They had it coming!)
They had it coming all along (They had it coming all along!)
I didn't do it (She didn't do it!)
But if I done it (But if she'd done it - )
How could you tell me that I was wrong?

They had it coming (They had it coming!)
They had it coming (They had it coming!)
They had it coming (They took a flower!)
All along...(In its prime!)

I didn't do it (And then they used it!)
But if I'd done it,
How could you tell me that I was wrong?

Sango (Spoken)
I loved Miroku more than I can possibly say.
He was a real artistic guy...sensitive... a painter.
But he was always trying to find himself.
He'd go out every night looking for himself...
And on the way he found -

Kanna,
Kagura,
Kikyo...

...And Jakotsu.
I guess you can say we broke up because of artistic differences.

He saw himself as alive, and I saw him dead.

Kaoru: Okay, now this is just kind of strange...

All:
The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum
The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum

Millie, Mimori, Azmaria:
They had it comin'

Yukina, Sango:
They had it comin'!

M, M, A:
They had it comin'!

Y, S:
They had it comin'!

M, M, A:
They had it comin'!

Y, S:
They had it comin'!

M, M, A:
All along!

Y, S:
All along!

M, M, A:
'Cause if they used us!

Y, S:
'Cause if they used us!

M, M, A:
And they abused us!

Y, S:
And they abused us!

All:
How could you tell us that we were wrong?

M, M, A:

He had it coming!

Y, S:
He had it coming!

M, M, A:
He only had himself to blame...

Y, S:
He only had himself to blame...

M, M, A:
If you'd have been there -

Y, S:
If you'd have been there -

M, M, A:
If you'd have seen it -

Y, S:
If you'd have seen it-

All:
I betcha you would have done the same!

Millie (Spoken)
You smoke that cig one more time...

Mimori (spoken)
Single my ass.

Azmaria(Spoken) :
Ten times!

Yukina (spoken)
Number seventeen - the spread eagle.

Sango (spoken)
Artistic differences.

Millie:
Pop...


Mimori:

Six...

Azmaria:
Squish


Yukina:
Koorime...

Sango:
Miroku...


Tsk tsk, Mimori... Arsenic and Old Lace, anybody?

...Oi, I'm not that old!

Mucho gracias to: xheartmehorrid (The best ficlet writer since forever... ); loyalsoul ; and Chitskie-Sumiie