Disclaimer: Despite the misleading title, I'm afraid this isn't a cross.
Bed Knobs and . . .
The Wizengamot was in session when Dumbledore opened the floor to receive questions per tradition before adjuring. Several people gaped in shock when Rolanda Hooch broke tradition by standing and demanding the right to be heard. At the time it was seen by many as a great miscalculation, that position was changed several years later when all the circumstances became known.
"What do you wish to bring to our attention Rolanda?" Dumbledore asked with a kindly smile.
"Harry Potter," she said in a steady voice. "Is my first cousin and I am named as one of several possible guardians in his parents will. I would like him to be placed into my custody.
"Rolanda be reasonable," Dumbledore pleaded. "The boy is safe where he is, there is no need to remove him from a stable home."
"The boy has a name," the woman said calmly. "And that name is Harry Potter, as his closest remaining relative it is my duty to take him in and raise him to be a productive member of our world."
"I'm afraid that isn't possible," Dumbledore said in a kindly voice. "He's with his relatives who . . ."
"Muggles?" Lucius Malfoy roared on cue. "How dare you deny a wizard his birthright by placing him with such people." It hadn't taken much to buy his support, the chance to inconvenience Dumbledore and the promise of a few private lessons for his son had bought Rolanda Hooch a temporary ally. The thought that he could gain young Harry's backing had ensured he stayed bought . . . for the time being anyway. "I won't stand for it."
"The boy is . . ."
"He has a name," Rolanda interrupted. "See that you use it."
"Yes well . . ." Dumbledore stammered, a bit shocked to be treated in such a way by one of his staff members. "Harry is safe and happy where he is."
"So you say," Rolanda said calmly. "But what proof do you have to offer?"
"You can't expect us to just take your word when we're dealing with something as important as the welfare of a child can you?" Rolanda purred. "Surely you won't object to an inspection of young Harry's environment."
"I'm afraid I can't allow that to happen," Dumbledore said with a frown. "If his location were known by . . ."
"House Number Four," Lucius said smoothly. He was still working on the rest of the address but the information he had was good enough for the bluff. "I'd rather not say anything else in an open session. While somewhat restricted, it isn't nearly as secure as you pretend it is."
"Very well," Dumbledore sighed. "Who would you like to conduct this investigation?"
"Director of Magical Law Enforcement Amelia Bones, Chef Healer Arlinda Grace, and myself at a minimum."
"Agreed," Dumbledore said reluctantly. "With the understanding that if the child is not in any danger then you will leave him where he is for the time being."
"For the time being," Rolanda agreed.
"And so long as I may accompany you."
"I trust that you are willing to accompany us Director Bones?" Dumbledore sighed.
"I am," the woman agreed. "What about it Grace?"
"Wouldn't miss it Amelia."
"Gather round," Dumbledore commanded. "Everyone touch the quill."
The portkey deposited the small group behind the Dursley family's house.
"We won't be observed by muggles here?" Amelia asked dryly.
"The wards are still good," Dumbledore said gruffly. "Come along and try not to disturb Harry's family too much, they're aware of magic but I'll trust you not to terrorise them."
"That all depends on them," Rolanda said with a feral grin.
Dumbledore ignored her response and walked up to knock on the front door. "Hello Petunia," he said to the horse faced woman who answered. "Is Harry in?"
"He's gone," the woman said fearfully.
"I see . . . and when will he return?"
"I don't know." She tried to shut the door but Amelia stepped forward and blocked it. "What are you doing?"
"We'll wait for him here," Amelia said sweetly. She'd long since traded in her boots for a desk job, but she still possessed the skills and instincts that had kept her alive. And those same instincts were screaming that something was wrong in this house. "Ok with you?" Without waiting for an answer she brushed past the woman and entered the house. "Grace?"
"Remember that spell you used to use when we were searching a house?"
"Got it," the healer said calmly. "Alio Locus."
"I have a heartbeat under the stairs," Healer Grace said calmly.
"Guess those years of getting fat behind a desk haven't slowed you down much huh?"
"Once a Field Healer and all that," Grace said with a grin.
"Cover me." Amelia drew her wand and carefully approached the staircase and an observant individual would notice that Grace was keeping close watch on the Headmaster.
"GRACE," Amelia screamed. "Get over here now."
"What do you have?" The Healer replied as she rushed over.
"I have a young male of about three years of age with a broken arm and numerous bruises," Amelia replied. "Damn . . . make that five years old, it's Harry Potter."
"I thought you said he'd be safe here Headmaster," Rolanda accused.
"I never thought they'd treat a child like this," Dumbledore gasped. "If I had known."
"Did you ever bother to check," Hooch demanded. "You've been telling me he was safe for the past four years and you never bothered to check?"
"I . . . I thought."
"It's clear that this is not a safe environment," Rolanda said calmly. "As such I am taking him away from here and he will not be returning. Do you understand?"
"Of course," the old man agreed quickly. "This is no place for him . . . I've . . . I've made a terrible mistake."
"But . . . this really is the safest place for him," Dumbledore mused. "Perhaps we could . . ."
"I don't believe we could Headmaster," she said sharply.
"No . . . no I suppose not," Dumbledore agreed quickly. "But do you really think you're the best person to take young Harry?"
"Why do you ask that?"
"Well . . . you've never had children of your own," Dumbledore pointed out. "And while you're a more then capable instructor, that doesn't necessarily mean you'll be a good parent. Not to mention your career," he added in a silky voice. "Do you really think you'd have the time to raise young Harry properly while serving as chief flying instructor?"
"What do you suggest?"
"Perhaps we could place him with the Weasley family," Dumbledore said with a smile. "Molly already has several children and . . ."
"And they are not mentioned in the will," Rolanda said firmly. "I am."
"I see, what about your career? I'm not sure I could retain a professor with such pressing responsibilities to distract her."
"I wouldn't worry too much about that," Rolanda said calmly. "Amelia, how's he doing?"
"Still hasn't woken up," the Auror replied. "I've got help on the way, two dozen of my best and two more Field Healers."
"How are you going to support Harry if you aren't employed?" Dumbledore pressed. "I'm fairly sure that the Ministry wouldn't want young Harry to want for anything."
"As I said," Rolanda said coldly. "That is none of your concern."
The conversation paused as the two of them watched several Aurors tramp into the room to take the horse faced woman into custody.
"As head of the Wizengamot and Headmaster of the school Harry is going to attend, I feel a certain responsibility for his welfare."
"You have an odd way of showing it," Rolanda said harshly. "Harry is no longer any of your concern and I will thank you to but out of our affairs in the future. Good day Headmaster."
"I . . ."
"Get out of my crime scene Dumbledore," Amelia reentered the conversation. "And keep yourself available, I have several questions for you regarding what we found today."
"I . . . of course," the Headmaster sighed. "I shall be at Hogwarts for the foreseeable future if you have need of me."
The two women watched Dumbledore leave and Amelia turned to Madame Hooch. "So what now?"
"Now?" She seemed amused. "I take that job the Harpies offered, the pay is much better then I got at Hogwarts even if it doesn't have all the benefits."
"Nuturing young flyers," she explained. "Pity."
The years passed and in what seemed like no time (since I presume you've just finished reading the preceding paragraph) Harry was at Hogwarts and ready to take his 'first' flying lesson.
"Good afternoon class," Instructor Smith said in a low baratone. "We are fortunate to have several professional Quidditch players here to observe our lesson."
"Observe Harry Potter more like," one of the players said to another. "Can't fathom why the Ice Bitch is here though."
"Because that's the coach's son," the 'Ice Bitch' replied.
"Fat lot of good it'll do you," the man barked. "He doesn't have the right equipment to play for your team. The Harpies don't take men."
"You're forgetting two things gentlemen,"
"What two things?"
"The first is that there is an exception to every rule," she said calmly. "The second is that I've seen him fly."
"He's that good?"
"So what do you think?" She continued. "Would Harry rather play on his mum's team? A team he grew up around who always treated him like their collective litte brother? Or would he rather play for some of you?"
"Look at me Mary," Harry called out.
"Good job Harry," the 'Ice Bitch' called back. "You'll be a shoe in for the league."
AN: Had the idea pop into my head, what would happen if Harry was taken by one of the lesser used Professors and started running through what we knew about them. None of them fit until I thought of Hooch and the though of scouts for Professional Quidditch teams at the first year flying lesson was too fun to pass up. So what about this Harry? He was practically raised by the Holly Head Harpies and his natural skill at flying has been nurtured for years. He could have a fairly cordial relationship with Draco Malfoy or they could be strangers, who knows really. Apologies for the people who thought this might be a cross with 'Bed Knobs and Broomsticks.'