Disclaimer: I don't own anything Gundam SEED, nor the song (I Hate) Everything About You by Three Days Grace; If I did, I wouldn't be here, on my knees, asking you very politely not to rat me out… I DUN WANNA GET SUED!
Everything About You
time we lie awake
After every hit we take
She laid there with her back to him, almost falling off the side of the bed. This always happened. They pretended to be asleep, until eventually one of them had to get up for a mission or a shift in command; it was their routine, and she lived with that.
Listening to his even breathing, she banished any emotional thoughts she may have towards him; this was something they did for survival. Nothing changed outside of this metal encased room they seemed to find themselves in more and more often now…
feeling that I get
She drew her eyes towards the clock sitting on his rarely used desk; knowing his alarm would go off soon enough, she faked a yawn and pushed herself up. The sheets fell around her naked form, and she slid her pale feet to the ground.
Her first stop was the bathroom he had adjoined to his room. It was the one thing she was envious of, this bathroom; stepping under the spray of hot water, she soaked for a moment before finding her shampoo.
He had never really used shampoo before, just lathered up some soap in his hands; so after her fifth (or was it the sixth?) visit with no shampoo, she brought her own and just left it there. She noticed that, sometimes, he smelled faintly of apples and cinnamon…
She jumped when she felt a hand on her shoulder, and scolded herself as she turned to meet his eyes. This was his bathroom, and he needed a shower too; why wouldn't he be in here?
"What are you doing?" she found herself asking.
"This saves water," he muttered, exhaustion laced in his voice. She blushed as she remembered why he would be exhausted, only to scold herself again for the reaction.
He moved around her in the small shower stall, almost pinning her against the white ceramic tiles as he let the water pound into his form, and she couldn't help but watch him. Couldn't help but look as the water poured down his back. Couldn't help but lean just a little forward…
It seemed that he was surprised when her lips brushed over his neck, but only for a moment before he looked at her in amusement. "Get clean first," she couldn't tell if he had forced back an insult or not; their unspoken truce had lasted so long now, sometimes it was hard to tell anything.
Attempting to find the bar of soap that he kept in there, she turned her back to him. She sighed in frustration when she couldn't find it, and found it no surprise at all when his hands were on her again, this time cleansing her of the sweat and… other substances of the prior night…
He pulled her to his chest once he finished her back, his hands gliding over her hips and up her breasts... never long enough for any lasting pleasure, but she was enjoying the pampering anyways. Once he was done, he turned them both around and rinsed off her body and hair, before resting his chin on her shoulder and just… holding her.
His gesture seemed sincere, something he definitely wasn't, and she turned in his embrace. She pushed against his chest just enough to peer into his blue eyes… for a moment, she was reminded of Kira, but the memories were pushed away when he kissed her…
I haven't missed you yet
Almost another full hour, a ship wide announcement, and franticly getting dressed later, she left his room and pushed herself down the hall. The feeling of Zero gravity took over her senses, and she pondered for a few moments how long he would wait before following…
She shook her head, her hair falling into her eyes… it wasn't until she was stopping herself at Commander Le Crueset's quarters that she remembered she hadn't had the time to do her hair…
The door was opening before she could think of what to do, and she stepped into the cold room. The Commander looked up at her from behind his mask of steel, and leaned forwards in his chair; she never liked the way he looked at her... not quite like the peering males trying to get her attention, but not unlike it either…
"And where is Mr Joule?" he asked in that even, calculating tone that only he seemed to have. It sent a shiver down her spine, and not a good one either.
"You'll have to ask him where he was when he arrives, Sir," she stated politely, fighting hard to keep any venom out of her voice; she may be under his command, but he still stood for everything she hated in the universe. Coordinators.
Just then the metallic doors slid open once more, and the soft thud of footsteps rang in her ears.
"Move aside filthy natural," a voice hissed. She turned and glared at the silver haired boy who now stood behind her, but didn't have time to snap back when Le Crueset spoke again.
"Behave children," the blond man looked bemused as they both stood at attention, their shoulders just barely touching each other… "I've summoned you both here on two separate matters; first of all, to congratulate the both of you."
"Thank you sir," Yzak muttered; she could hear the beam in his voice. It sickened her.
"Don't," the commander said curtly. He looked her straight in the eye. "Because of this congratulations, you have an appointment in medical later this evening. Is that clear Miss Allster?"
Fllay blinked, this new information slowly registering; why would she need to go to medical? What kind of appointment was this?
Yzak's voice brought her back to reality… "Speak up, wench."
"Jackass," she hissed back through her teeth, before she gave Le Crueset a hesitant smile. "Of course Commander. What time shall I be there?"
"1800 hours," he smiled back at her. "Don't be late."
Every roommate kept awake
every sigh and scream we make
They both saluted him at a length, his short reply seemingly the end of the discussion… simultaneously, they turned to leave, each shooting the other a glare from the corner of their eyes, only to stop outside the door as the commander called out the last matter of their coming.
"By the way," Fllay had to steady herself, else she would have floated away with the sudden movements. "I have been receiving complaints about the noise you two have been making. One more complaint and I'll have to take measures to make sure that Miss Allster is in her own bed each night."
The doors closed with a hiss, leaving them both with a light blush hovering over their cheeks.
the feelings that I get
After a few moments, she cast him a shy glance; his piercing stare was already on her, determining her thoughts and actions long before she could think of what to do.
"You should be more careful when leaving," he answered; she almost smiled at his gentle tone of voice. But his arrogance soon came back. "But what can I expect from a pathetic Natural?"
"Just about as much as I expect from a stupid Coordinator," her voice was filled with venomous hatred. "See if I ever show up again; you can just pin away all by yourself… with a jar of Vaseline, of course."
His confusion was comical as he tried to work out the meaning of her words, but she was in no mood to watch his puzzled expression. Instead she stormed her way back to her own room, choosing to stomp her feet on the ground than to push her way through Zero gravity. It was much more satisfying.
Her doors opened on command, and she floated the last few feet towards her bed. Falling onto the scratchy material of her sheets, she hugged her pillow to her chest.
Why was he such a jerk? He had been so nice, so caring one moment… she just couldn't understand how he could switch any feelings he may have on and off like that.
Feelings? She scoffed at the thought. What feelings? 'Oh, I'm horny, let's go find Fllay!' That's the extent of the relationship. No point to sugar-coating it when I do the same thing.
The feeling of butterflies coiled at her gut; a feeling she had always associated with Sai, and more recently, Kira… it was so easy to forget the brunette was a Coordinator.
She shut her eyes as she thought about him, a warm, tingling feeling washing over her; it left her toes feeling numb and her mind buzzing with happiness…
But when she opened her eyes, alls she could see was Yzak.
I still don't miss you yet
She scowled as she sat up, throwing her pillow across the room harshly. The silver haired Gundam Pilot had never entered her quarters, yet still she was reminded of him!
"It's just because most of the damn rooms on this ship are alike," she reasoned with herself.
Images of him, memories of their time together, slowly faded away as she stripped off layers of clothing; they left a trail from her bed to her mirror she had set up in front of a chair, and she started to trace the lines and marks he had made on her skin; marks baring witness to their time together, marks warding away others… dark violet marks foolishly placed high on her neck where anyone could see them…
Her make up was lined up in order of what she wore most recently. Soft red lip sticks were at the front of the line, with flamboyant pinks in the back; she could recall the one time Yzak had seen her wearing a particular shade of Neon Pink, and the horrified expression he had worn… she also recalled that, even though it had been her first time to wear it, and she loved the colour, she hadn't worn it since.
She dabbed on what seemed like pounds of concealer first, in any place that may be seen by the people around her, and many places that wouldn't. It was followed by pink eye liner and pale blue eye shadow, and finally the flamboyant lip gloss that her silver haired rival hated oh-so-much… and just in time to hear the annoying sound her door made when someone was denied entrance to her room.
She retrieved her clothes slowly, and took her time dressing; humming drowned out the repeated sounds of refused admittance, before she fetched her brush.
One hundred brushstrokes keeps your hair from going rough! That's what her mother always used to tell her, back when she was still alive… or at least, her father said that's what she used to tell her; she had been too young to remember her mother. She was thankful of that; she had enough deaths to get over, she didn't need another…
"Allster!" the voice broke her out of her ravine, and she glared at her closed doors; Yzak sounded infuriated on the other side… "Open this door right now you damn Natural!"
Horny already. She giggled to herself. Without me he'd die of sexual frustration… what a pity. He should of just gone gay and slept with his old roommate that he likes to complain about… Derek is it? No… Dearka.
"Fllay?" she blinked. He almost sounded like he was panicking… but that couldn't be right.
Curiosity getting the better of her, she put her brush down and pushed herself toward the door; hitting the key to open it, she waited as Yzak almost fell in.
He looked up at her, schooling shock off of his features. Not that it mattered, for within moments he had pulled her to his chest and forced a kiss onto her lips…
She couldn't help but melt into the action; he really was a fabulous kisser, and any girl, (and many guys), would be jealous of her because of it… not that they went around telling everyone they met they kiss.
She felt strange when he pushed away from her, sending himself back out into the hall; like a child who had been denied his favourite toy.
"Commander Le Crueset sent me to tell you that your appointment has been changed," she barely heard him, her focus distracted by the movements of his lips; did he realize that he now wore her Neon Pink lipgloss? Probably not. "It's in ten minutes."
when I stop to think about it
She nodded in understanding, but he was already gone. With a roll of her eyes, she started on her way towards the medical deck.
Her hand drifted up to her lips, only to notice that they were swollen from the recent encounter with Yzak; somewhere along the line, she had realized that he liked to leave reminders of their encounters, but his bites seemed more possessive if anything else, and that confused her. What did he have to be possessive about? It wasn't as if this… thing between them meant anything.
She was entering medical before she could contemplate his reasons fully, and found the doctor soon enough. He told her to change into the annoying paper robes that all medical centers seemed to have, then laid her down on a table. He was about to push a sedative into her arm when she finally asked why she was there.
"Didn't Commander Le Crueset tell you?"
I hate everything about you
Why do I love you
The sedative had worked wonders, but she still had been ordered a day of bed rest; a shy private delivered her morning and afternoon meals, which she ignored to the point that he was forced to take it back to the kitchens. Yzak came to her room with her evening meal.
He stayed silent, helping her sit before situating himself at the foot of her bed; Le Crueset must of heard that she hadn't eaten any of her last meals, and commanded him to make sure she ate it all… instead she pushed her food around her plate for what seemed like hours, but it could only have been minutes.
Soon enough she heard a growl, and looked to see the frown the silver haired boy had marring his features. "Do I have to feed you, Natural?"
"I'm capable of feeding myself," she glared at him. "So don't try to order me around, Coordinator." She hissed out the title with as much venom as she could muster, but it was nothing compared to the guilt she felt at the concern in his eyes…
"What's wrong, Allster?" he tried to remain neutral… he had been doing that a lot lately; sometimes he would even sink as low as being nice to her, and complementing her every once in a blue moon.
That fluttering feeling of butterfly wings coiled once again in her gut, mixed with a heated pang in her heart that she couldn't associate with either Sai or Kira… no, she had never felt anything this… intense, she supposed would be the right word.
"Allster?" his voice was so much closer now. So close in fact, that when she looked up to see him, their noses bumped together.
hate everything about you
Why do I love you
The look in his blue eyes was something she had never seen from him before. She tried to remember if Kira or Sai had ever looked at her like that, but could barely work up the will to summon up the memory of their faces.
He ghosted a kiss over he lips, pulling away when she tried to deepen it. A grin graced his features, and he repeated the soft gesture; this time she felt a hand curl around her collar, silently telling her to stay still.
His lips moved over hers again and again, before moving to caress the other parts of her face… her cheeks… her nose… her forehead… her eyelids… her chin… it all seemed to fascinate him, like a little boy on Christmas Eve. She couldn't remember a time when any one had been this gentle with her, and found herself protesting when he pulled away and didn't come back.
"Eat," he said as soon as their eyes met again. The look he had worn before was gone, replaced by the sarcastic loathing he usually portrayed. "After all, your inferior immune system will break down if you don't."
"Bite me," she drawled out, managing to force a forkful of food into her mouth. She realized a moment too late that those weren't the best words to choose.
time we lie awake
After every hit we take
Hours later, she laid curled around her pillow as she stared at the wall; she still wore the loose shirt she slept in, just as the sleeping pilot beside her still wore his uniform pants; in a way, she guess she should of known he would of fallen asleep. She had messed with the routine, why couldn't he?
He moved closer to her in his slumber, throwing an arm around her waist. She pushed it off of her, remembering her reasons for pushing him away… not that they hadn't had their fun still. She was left with memories to blush over, and as an added bonus, there was no food left on her tray.
Her alarm clock went off, waking up the silver haired boy with a start. He stifled a yawn and pulled himself out of her bed, before padding across the room to shut it off.
Slowly she followed him, finding her neatly folded clothes and pulling them on. She tried to ignore his heavy gaze on her; her fingers fumbled over the same button for almost five minutes before she looked up in defeat and glared.
"Would you like some help?" he asked politely. Fury seeped into her blood; why was he so calm? They had completely gone against every unwritten rule!
She must of nodded, for he was in front of her now, nimbly doing up the buttons of her jacket before slipping a belt around her slim waist; his hands didn't retreat from her belt though. Instead, they tugged her forwards before grasping behind her back, sending her into his chest with a crash.
"Do you have an obsession with me being against your chest?" she asked sarcastically. She refused to meet his eyes as she fought out of his arms, the doctor's words still fresh in her memory.
"Are you mad at me?" he countered, pulling her tighter to him.
"You don't answer a question with a question!" she stopped for a second to glare at him, before resuming the futile fight to get out of his embrace.
"Fine then," he bowed his head to kiss the side of her neck, then let her go; the sudden release surprised her, and Fllay fell to the ground. "Yes, I think I just might have an obsession… after all, reminiscing has been getting me in trouble lately; I figure if I indulge now, it won't distract me if I'm doing something important… like fighting for my life." Her glare intensified at his casual grin. Where was his sneer he so loved to flaunt at her? "Now, are you mad at me?"
"Just because I won't sleep with you, you assume I'm mad?" she hissed under her breathe. "Let me guess… if I never uttered another sound and was your sex slave for life, I'd be a happy little angel in your eyes?"
"I actually enjoy the noises you make," he admitted. He found his shirt and pulled it on, then started on his boots. "It's… amusing to see a Natural vulnerable like that. Not something I get to regularly witness."
For some reason, this angered her; she knew that was the entire point of the 'relationship', and that it meant, potentially, nothing to him. It shouldn't mean anything to her.
"Get out," her voice was deathly calm, and he hesitated before looking up at her.
"I said," her voice was barely above a whisper, but she knew from his expression that he had heard her. "Get. Out."
"Why?" his boots tied messily and his jacket casually slung over his shoulders, he looked around for his belt; he never got a chance to find it.
Fllay pushed herself off from her place on the floor, gaining momentum to push him against her closed door. Pressing the key to open it, she glared and waited for him to leave.
He stared at her with impossibly blue eyes, and she fought hard for her control; he was a Coordinator. Everything he does he only does so well because someone tampered with his blood before he was born. Anything she was feeling was because of that.
He's a Coordinator.
"You haven't answered me Fllay," he took a step back.
"Because," she pressed the key to close the door, "I agreed with the abortion La Crueset set up for me."
feeling that I get
But I haven't missed you yet
For the rest of the week she stayed in her room, only opening the door for food and water; the rare times Yzak came knocking on her door, it was countered by the angry thrashing of pillows.
The last of her shampoo she had in her room was tossed in a garbage can, as was most of her collection of make up. It left her with concealer and a few tubes of lip gloss; it had taken her awhile, but her Neon Pink had joined the rest in the garbage. She couldn't seem to think of anything but the look of it on Yzak's lips when she saw it…
She didn't miss him.
Why would I miss a creep like that? She thought to herself. Staring at the wall opposite of her bed, a pillow hugged against her, it almost seemed like a bad dream… It's not like I feel anything for him… other than the occasional desire to have sex. He's self centered. A soldier. A jackass. And has that hideous scar! Why would I miss that?
Her thoughts were interrupted when a knock came at her door.
She held her breath until she heard the soft words of the private telling her he had her lunch, before pushing herself towards the door. Already opening her mouth to say thanks when the doors opened, she had to close it quickly to suppress her shock; standing behind the private, who didn't carry a tray of food, was Yzak.
"Come on," he grabbed her arm, pulling her out into the hallway before starting to move them both. "Commander La Crueset wants to see you."
"And who says I want to see him?" she asked, trying in vain to get her arm back. "And why the hell couldn't you let me get changed!"
"You would have barricaded yourself in your room again," the statement was meant to be just that: a statement. No arguing, though she couldn't think of a reason why. He was probably right.
when I stop to think about it
The commander was waiting behind his desk, just as he had the last time they were summoned there. Both of them stood at attention, Fllay nervously pulling the hem of the T-shirt down as far as she could.
"I see you are both here," he nodded, looking at his folded hands for a moment before meeting their eyes. "Miss Allster, I'm having you transferred."
"What?" she asked automatically, not being able to fathom where she could be sent to; she was surprised to hear Yzak protest beside her, and looked to see him looking at the ground in discomfort.
"This is the exact reason why I am doing so, Mr Joule," he explained. "I would continue, but I don't think it to be… prudent to involve myself in your affaires. Say your good byes, then see Miss Allster off at the hanger."
They both saluted again, leaving in a daze. Was the commander telling the truth?
hate everything about you
Why do I love you
I hate everything about you
Why do I love you
He walked her back to her room, that arrogant sneer marring his features, just like it used to when she first arrived. She could tell, just by his expression, that he was fighting back yet another snide comment.
"Go on, say it," she goaded him on. "Or have you lost your tongue, Coordinator?"
"I was just thinking," he mused. "That it'll be a lot quieter without you around, klutz."
Her knuckles went white as she pulled her shirt over her head, only to start to get dressed as quickly as possible. The sound of the squeaky wire springs on her mattress told her that he had sat down.
"It'll be neater with you around, too," he noted, observing the messy way she threw stuff into a bag while trying to find her uniform. "But you'll surely suffer; you can't even do up your own uniform!"
She turned around to scream at him, but stopped short.
There were tears in his eyes.
when I stop to think
About you, I know
Slowly, she returned to her task at hand; how could she of been that stupid? It didn't matter what he may have felt for her… they were enemies by blood. He was as much of a Coordinator as she was a Natural.
She felt a pang of regret for not joining the cause back on the Archangel…
"You can't even eat right, Natural," now she could hear the tones of deceit. He was trying to trick himself. "You need a stupid caterer to your damn needs. Lazy little-"
"Yeah," she did up the last buttons of her jacket, and pushed the last things into her bag. "I love you too Yzak."
He stared at her in utter disbelieve as she walked away calmly… she didn't know how long he sat there, but it was long enough. Sooner or later he caught up to her in the halls, and they entered the hanger bay together.
when you stop to think
About me, do you know
She was being transported in a mobile suit, and was told to put on a space suit. Changing back in the designated change rooms, she snuck a peek at Yzak, who leaned against the wall with a puzzled look on his face.
She hadn't meant to say it; it just kind of… slipped out.
Coming back out dressed in the baggy suit, she walked over to him to retrieve her bag… but he didn't let her. He slid his arms around her waist and twisted her around to pin her against the wall.
"Did you mean it?"
hate everything about you
Why do I love you
You hate everything about me
Why do you love me
"What?" she blinked up at him, squirming in his grasp. He just pushed closer to her.
"I asked," his lips brushed against her ear, sending a tingling sensation straight down her spine. "If you meant it. Did you mean what you said?"
"Does it matter?" she chewed on the inside of her cheek to keep herself from making any unwanted noises… "I'm just a filthy Natural, remember? And you're a stupid Coordinator. We're too different."
He growled. "I didn't ask you why you wouldn't have meant it; I asked you if you did. Answer."
"Why do you care?" she challenged.
He didn't speak for a long time, and pulled back to look into her grey eyes. She could see his confused thoughts mulling over a plausible answer, and tried her hardest to decipher them, but that had always been his thing, not hers.
"I honestly don't know…"
Of course the moment was ruined, as all perfect moments are.
"Hey, you two!" he pushed away from her as if she were on fire, and they both looked up at one of the mechanics on the catwalks. "Get a room!"
With a chuckle, she looked back at Yzak, who seemed to be blushing about as much as she was… they both had been doing that a lot lately.
"I hate Naturals," he started as he looked up at her. "They're stupid, they're pathetic, and they're weak." There was no malice in his voice.
"Coordinators are genetic freaks," she countered. "They're only like they are because their parents decided to risk their lives to make them supposedly better. But really, they are no better than the rest of us…"
You love me
He nodded his understanding, and moved to take her bag. He walked her to the mobile suit that she was to be a passenger in, and helped her settle in and figure out the right straps and everything.
"I will be back you know," she muttered, just sitting still while he took care of everything. "Sooner or later… I will be back."
"I won't miss you," his voice sounded strained, as if he had forced himself to say it.
"I won't miss you either," she stuck her tongue out at him; his eyes traveled to her lips, then moved back up to her eyes.
"You know," he floated closer to her, as if she were the air he needed… "All the time we spent together, I never really thought of you as a Natural… not a Coordinator either. You were just… Fllay…" His lips brushed over hers, and she realized for the first time that he smelled faintly of apples and cinnamon… her shampoo.
hate everything about you
Why do I love you
They spent their last minutes together just sitting there in silence. Fllay could still feel his feather light kisses, and wanted to cherish them forever… but when she saw the pilot coming down the catwalk, she knew she had to break the peaceful silence and ask a question that had been burning at her insides…
"What was Commander La Crueset talking about?" she asked. He looked up at her with his blue eyes, and she so desperately just wanted to melt into them…
"About how my reaction was exactly the reason you had to go?" he asked.
She blinked; that was why the commander had said that? Sensing her further confusion, he shifted in the pilot's seat and looked past her as he started to explain.
"All those times I brought you food, or more so, tried to, I was skipping shifts on command… in fact, I'm supposed to be in command right now."
"I overheard that private saying that he had to force you out of your room and to the Commander," he grinned at her, meeting her gaze. "And why should I let him have all the fun?"
He leaned closer to her, ready to kiss her again, when the pilot finally got there and tried to come in… "Excuse me… um, Captain Joule? I have to pilot her outta here now."
"Right," he got a deathly serious look on his face, and started to leave; she reached out and grabbed his shoulder.
"Brush your teeth Coordinator," she forced it out, for appearances sake… "Your smelling up the entire place with your stench… maybe you should take a shower while your at it?"
He ignored her, and left.
The pilot got into his chair, and booted up all the systems; when the main screen came on, she notice Yzak's silver hair right away… looking at him, she saw him laughing.
"You shouldn't of insulted Captain Joule," the pilot warned. "He could have you killed when you get to your new station."
"I doubt it," she shrugged. The engines whined, and soon enough they had launched.
"And why is that?" the pilot sneered at her. "You think he would spare you out of the goodness of his heart? Ha."
She just smiled, and tuned out the cocky young pilots voice. Looking at the stars, she traces over the lines of her lips; the lines Yzak had, undoubtedly, mesmerized.
You know… she thought, leaning back into her seat. I never really thought of you as a Coordinator all this time… just… Yzak.