The Hunting of the Crumple-Horned Snorkack
a Potter poem made by BAGGE under no influence whatsoever from Lewis Carroll
(Luna, Hermione, Harry, Ron, Neville, Ginny and the Crumple-Horned Snorkack itself are copyrighted to J. K. Rowling)
t'was Luna one morning so rainy who said
'Let us go, let us leave, let us turn our back
To that what is known' she leapt out of her bed
'Let us hunt for the Crumple-Horned Snorkack'
'An adventure it is more than any we've seen
For I tell you, that beast is a foul one
It is hungry and rude, it is cruel, it is mean
It is rightfully 'voided and shun'
There she stood with a light such as stars in her eyes
All of sleep was totally forgotten
There she stood queer and eager as few of her size
For the journey they soon would be gotten
'But it doesn't exist' t'was Hermione to speak
'It's a fantasy made by your dad
I am sorry to say' said she humble and meek
'You would better go back to your bed'
'But we can't go away' now Harry took voice
'We are needed for serious matter
We can't spend our time with stories and toys
There are battles to win, there is glory to gather'
'If it is as you say it will dangerous be'
Said now Ron, 'so why risk our heads?'
Neville behind him nodded agree
And hid like a snail in his bed
'Oh come on all of you, you will make me ashamed'
said Ginny from her blanket cave
'You were once all adventure but now you are tamed
You are Gryffindors, right, so be brave'
She stood up and she spoke 'If you don't think its true
Then come with us and prove we are wrong'
('That's right' outcried Luna 'that's what you will do')
Said Hermione 'I'm coming along'
'What if Voldemort catches this dangerous beast
And feeds it with muggels for soothing its blood thirst'
('Eats a hundred a day, or a dozen at least')
Cried Harry 'We'd better be first'
Neville and Ron now exchanged a glance
Saying all that is known to be said
'Well, all right little sis' save your speech, just for once'
Ron and Neville stood up from their bed
Here they are, our crew, flying bold to north-east
On a carpet for six-persons flight
(they had nicked it at school during a feast
where it was stored out of sight)
t'was Luna so clever, t'was Ginny so bold
t'was Harry with scar on his head
t'was Hermione so wise, t'was Ron, heart of gold
and Neville, of whom naught shall be said.
North Sea was cold and dementors abroad
Made the journey as wicked as few
They stood up as a team and they could well afford
A battle or two with their foe
t'was a bang such as made by a blunderous ghost
Out of shock of fell Ginny and Ron
Without noticing they had reached the Swedish coast
Where the muggels had placed a cannon
What a terrible fate there is no need to say
To lose Ron, and Ginny as well
But Hermione, how luckily, she saved the day
With a two-person-rescuing spell
They searched it by foot, they searched it from air
They searched it with magic and luck
But however they searched they found not a hair
Of the Crumple-Horned Snorkack
'I was right all along' said Hermione so proud
As they gathered by fire that evening
She said it quietly, she said it out loud
She wrote it with soot in the ceiling.
'I was right all along, I was right, you were wrong'
(But the door to the hut opened behind her back)
'I was right, you were wrong' but Ron cried 'come along
It is the Crumple-Horned Snorkack'
'It is huge as a house with a snout that is sly
And eyes that are greedy and mad
May I drink stinksap if ever I lie
It is here and I tell you, its bad'
Cried Harry 'Wands out, let us capture the beast
Without any further ado
Let us not hesitate, or delaying the least
Let us do what we have to do'
Cried Ginny, cried Ron 'We are there for you mate
The monster is no match for us
It is time for the Snorkack to meet with its fate
Let's attack it with no further fuss'
Cried Luna 'Horray I was right, you were wrong
As I think I am right to remark
Oh Hermione, it's proved, it's been here all along
As I said on the day we embarked'
Hermione sat uffish, alone in the hut
Refused to take part of the hunt
Alone? Not at all, next to her Neville sat
And commented her mood with a grunt
'It's all right for you, who is clever' said he
'Who can easily fight with a spell
I am all but a squib so its hopeless, you see
For me to be out there as well'
Such was his temper that she found in her heart
Out of pity her uffishness drain
She offered him comfort in that knowing the art
Of courage is no easy gain
Arm in arm they went forth, holding tight to their wands
Filled of courage, the kind nothing bends
But t'was not only the Snorkack they didn't find
Neither they spotted their friends
They searched them by foot, they searched them from air
They searched them with magic and luck
But however they searched they found not a hair
Of their friends or the Crumple-Horned Snorkack
Their six-member crew now crumbled to two
What a wicked dilemma of utter despair
They sat down on the ground with no notch what to do
When Neville fell into the lair
t'was hidden so cunningly under the snow
They had totally missed it before
Neville stood up as the first of the crew
To set foot inside its door
Bold as brass he went forth holding tight to his wand
Crying 'Lumos' and then 'Stupefy'
His legs shook as jelly, but he steadied his hand
And stunned the beast right in the eye
For two hundred years, and two hundred more
The Snorkack had roamed proud and fair
And never it ever took damage before
Now it was attacked in its lair
To much surprised to do nothing but bawl
It sat down all confused on the ground
So came forth Hermione, slightly bruised by the fall
And they took to look all around
The lair was all cramped with shiningly things
For the Snorkack was a collector
They could help themselves to coins and to rings
As they had stunned its protector
It was as you see happy ends all around
The heroes went out in the moonshine
Where the rest of the crew was immediately found
A bit ruffled but otherwise fine
'We were trapped most slyly during the fight'
grumbled Harry when out he was tugged
'But I got a picture so that is all right'
Said Luna and Ron merely shrugged
Home they went on their carpet, home to the feast
Where Neville was very relived
Though they told everyone how he fought with the beast
No one at all them believed
'To be famous means trouble' he said to his friends
'A trouble I eagerly shun
I prefer to be known for what I intend
Rather than what I have done'
It was heavy words, they all would agree
Knowingly, clever and deep
As they sat by the fire, drinking their tea
And one after one fell asleep