Title: Nothing but Crack by meleth78

Genre: Humor

Characters: Iruka and Kakashi of course!

Rating: Eh…R for bad language

Status: One shot.

Comments: Iruka, Kakashi and a horrible SMELL.

Disclaimer: What do you mean they're still not mine? I wrote a letter dash it! A letter!

A/N: I haven't written anything in a while as I've been on holiday for the last couple of months. Sigh. And now inspiration eludes me. This was just a crack fic I wrote and posted on my livejournal. Thought I'd share it here on ff net just for the heck of it! Hope you guys enjoy!


'What the hell is that SMELL?' said Kakashi, wrinkling his pretty little nose in distaste the minute he stepped into the classroom.

'……..' Iruka was seated on top his desk, feet up, face buried in his arms.

'Ruka? What's wrong with you? Why are you sitting there?' questioned the jounin immediately, striding forward to his Ruru and only just managing to avoid a whole bunch of suspicious looking tiny black pellets that littered the class-room floor.

'I had the WORST day ever.' Moaned the sensei, lifting his head up finally.

'What happened?' The jounin had gingerly made his up to the desk and hoisted himself up on to it next to Iruka.

'You know how you can summon dogs and Jiraya can summon toads and Tsunade can summon slugs and Gai can summon terrapins and-'

'Turtles.' Interrupted the jounin.


'Gai can summon turtles. The last time someone said they were terrapins…well, lets just say turtle shells really chafe the skin when vigorously rubbed against it and leave it at that.'


'Never mind. So back to your bad day?'

'Right. Anyway, we all know how you guys can summon stuff right?'

'Right.' The jounin nodded in confirmation.

'Did you know that Konohamaru can summon rabbits?'

'WHAT!' Kakashi's bright blue eye flew open in stunned disbelief.

'Oh I had the EAXCT same reaction. In fact, so did he.'

'Konohamaru can summon BUNNIES?'

'No no, not plot BUNNIES, RABBITS. Large, ferocious SMELLY RABBITS with sharp teeth and scary, beady eyes.' Iruka shuddered when he recalled how those creatures had looked at him.

'Konohamaru can summon RABBITS?'

'Yes. And not just a couple of them, hundreds. HUNDREDS Kakashi. HUNDREDS.'

'God what happened?'

'The entire classroom was FILLED WITH THEM.'

'Oh so those little black round bally things on the floor are…'

'Take a wild guess.' Muttered the sensei bitterly.

'So that's what that horrendous pong is- look, why don't we get out of there and you can tell me about it while I rub you feet-'

'Can't.' moaned the sensei, his head dropping back into his arms in a forlorn manner.


'Have to stay here.' A whimper broke through.


'Tsunade's making me stay here breathing in this…STENCH till the head of the Hyuga clan is done ranting and screaming his well coiffed head off at her.' Iruka lifted his head again and pouted sulkily at the jounin, his big brown eyes miserable.

'Do I want to know?' Kakashi reached for his love and buried his face in Ruka's tousled head which on the surface looked to be an affectionate, comforting caress, but was in reality because the jounin couldn't stand to breath in the foul air of the classroom for one moment longer.

'Hyuga Hanabi might have heard me yelling the words "fucking rabbits" in a really loud voice.' muttered the younger man nuzzling back.

'Well, in all fairness, no one can really blame you for cursing-'

'I WASN'T cursing.' Moaned the sensei tucking his face in the crook of Kakashi's neck, breathing in deeply, also in a motive-ladened manner.


'I was…DESCRIBING what was happening. Loudly.'

'Descri- oh, you mean the bunnies….' Kakashi blinked.

'Rabbits. Oh yes. They were. ALL OVER THE ROOM.' Iruka squeezed his eyes shut at the horrific images that popped into his head.

A vision of Iruka in a room filled with 30 nine-year-olds, and surrounded by horny rabbits fucking like bunnies assailed Kakashi's already pervy brain. He completely cracked up, snorting inelegantly in his hilarity.

'Oh I'm glad SOMEONE is finding this amusing'

'Tell you what baby.' Soothed the pale man.


'I'll sit here in rabbit poodoo with you and wait if….'

'If?' Iruka perked up.

'You promise me after this we'll go home and fuck like bunnies'

Kakashi found out that evening that bunny poodoo hardened really fast when meshed into silver hair and not only that, the smell lingered on for days on end.