Big Brother: The Gaian Version

Day One: Zidane's Big Mistake

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the rights to Final Fantasy or Big Brother, they belong to, well someone who isn't me.

" Big Brother, The Gaian Version, ten housemates shall be going into the house tonight, My name is Apollo Beech and I'll be your host for the next few weeks ".The tall man named Apollo stood near a podium gripping a long scroll of parchment. " As this is the first Big Brother to grace our small planet I'm required to explain the show to you all. Each week of the series the housemates shall select two of their fellow housemates to go up for the public eviction and you, the general public, will vote your least favourite out of the house ".

Minutes later, several chocobo-drawn carriages arrived and the audience roared in applause, the biggest reality event in history was about to unfold. One by one, each contestant departed from their own carriage. Zidane and Kuja Tribal, better known as 'The Heartbreak Brothers' received the loudest cheers of all, and several women even swooned in admiration. The housemates were all soon inside, chattering and laughing with one another. Zidane was mesmerized as he flirted with Lani at the dining table. Kuja on the other hand was in the lounge focusing a lot of his pulling powers on the stunning Princess Garnet.

Quina Quen, voted the ugliest contestant in the house had already uplifted the only fridge and taken it to the bedroom whilst Steiner followed, shouting and jumping angrily on the spot. Freya Cresent and Amarant Coral were sparring fiercely in the back yard whilst Vivi Orunitia whooped and cheered. Eiko Carol, the youngest housemate sat fuming in a corner, glaring at the beautiful bounty huntress as Zidane cheekily slipped a hand under the table.

" This, is Big Brother, would Quina come to the diary room please ! " said the low voice.

Quina attempted to force the already pummelled fridge into the diary room before she was further scolded by Big Brother and dumped it on the dining table, disturbing Zidane's wooing techniques. Inside the diary room, Quina had already begun to sniff the seats and camera for food before Big Brother shrieked at her once again. She dropped herself into the seat which sagged unhealthily. " Mrs Orunitia, do you have the faintest idea why I've summoned you here? " he asked in a slightly bleary voice. Quina glanced around furiously in an attempt to locate the voice. " QUINA , you're here because you've destroyed two expensive appliances and eaten our food in the past hour ". Quina growled at the irritating tone Big Brother had now adopted, " I do what I want! You have problem? ". Big Brother's voice faded into a whisper, " actually Quina I need your held, I've got a small proposition for you...".

Meanwhile, Adelbert Steiner and a crestfallen Zidane were heaving the battered fridge back to it's initial position. Lani, who'd scampered off, appeared in the backyard to watch her ex-partner in action. Eiko was now extremely pleased at her absence and was trailing Zidane, who scowled upon noticing Kuja's progress with Dagger. Quina bounded from the diary room some ten minutes later looking slightly more pleased than he'd done before. Zidane stood up as she waddled across towards him, " hey Quina you fat jerk, I may've lost my chances of sex with that Lani chick because- ". WHACK !.

Quina flung his head forwards and smashed directly into Zidane's, who fell onto the floor in affliction. Quina ran off and Zidane stood up, the blood was pouring rapidly from his nose. " I know who I'll be voting for this week " muttered Zidane as he strode off in indignation . Kuja was still seated in the lounge, this time alone, he was throwing and catching a thin, pink material. " That bloody blob Quina is really pissing me off, not only has the bastard almost k.o'd me he's eaten all the food and- ". He stopped abruptly as he realised what Kuja was holding, " -and who's sexy thong is that? ".

Kuja flashed a dark smile across at Zidane, " it seems that Dagger isn't the well behaved babe we always thought, in fact, she's quite dirty mouthed ". Zidane scowled in disbelief, he'd wanted to bed Dagger for so long and now it seemed like ''Kinky Kuja' was going to get in there first. Outside in the yard Freya and Amarant had finally settled down; they were soaked with sweat and covered with light grazes. Freya was sharing a tale with Steiner and Amarant floated alone in the warm pool.

That evening Big Brother refilled the fridge with food that Quina had stolen and they all sat under the stars feasting. Quina who was nowhere to be seen. " Big Brother has probably booted the big lump out " answered Zidane as Freya inquired of her absence " I don't care if he isn't because he's getting my vote at the end of the week ". Every housemate except Vivi seemed to nod their agreement with Zidane. " I don't think we should be so hard on her Zidane, I-Is it because she's different? " asked Vivi in a fearful tone.

" Nah Vivi, but the fact that she's a fat, ugly slob puts up a pretty strong case ". Amarant and Kuja sniggered whilst Vivi hung his head sadly and retreated into the house. Steiner stood up and pierced Zidane with an icy glare, " you know, you should really grow up Zidane! " and he strode angrily after the small mage. Zidane jumped to his feet but decided not to chase after him. He guessed Vivi's tears were due to the fact that he'd married her in Conde Petie. " I still think you're the greatest guy in the world Zidane " declared Eiko before wrapping her small arms around his waist. Kuja and Amarant grinned once again whilst Zidane's face switched to a dark shade of crimson.

By the time it'd chimed midnight most housemates were fatigued. Steiner, Garnet, Vivi and Eiko had crawled off to their beds whilst Zidane, Kuja and Amarant had 'Manish' discussions in the lounge. " Hardly a wide selection though is it? " said Zidane gloomily " Garnet and Lani are fine pieces of ass but they belong to me and Kuja. So who you going to have Amarant, The beast or the thing? ". Kuja guffawed and Amarant forced a weak smile. " Anyway " said Zidane excitedly " Lani is still hanging about, I reckon she wants me ". He skipped from the lounge and into the yard in pursuit of the sexy bounty huntress, who appeared to be leading him somewhere.

She travelled through a thick door and down a set of steps which Zidane knew led to the basement, he happily followed thinking that he was due some loving. However as he reached the bottom and arrived in the spacious basement he was shocked to find Freya standing angrily with her arms crossed. " So Zidane, a beast am I or is it the thing? " she growled as she pounded her fists together. Zidane's knees became weak and his eyes watered in horror, Freya and Lani were about to kick his ass and he'd fallen right into it. He only had one thought on his otherwise empty mind, ' Oh Shit ! '.

" H-hey F-Freya I-I- Come on b-babe m-e say th-at? " he stuttered as he stepped back, right into a wall. Freya ignored his apologises and pleas, both she and Lani rounded on the quivering stud. He held his arms out in defence and prepared himself for his second pasting of the night.

Well what do you think of that then, do you think I should write more? Or leave it as a one timer, Please remember to give a review and tell me what you thought of it. Thanks for reading...

By Dazz Cambo