Disclaimer:

I own nothing

AN:

A little bit darker, about Sara's past-

Teaser:

"Sara?", he shouted out louder, trying to press the door open at the same time, but this mountain of a man was stronger than he was, there was no chance.

And Sara didn't answer.


childhood hero

He was worried. More than worried. She hadn't shown up at work…without saying anything!

This was just not her…something must have happened, something bad…his heart was beating hard in his chest, he tried to tell himself that she was okay, but his rationalism couldn't bare down the strong feeling of panic that kept rising up in him.

He walked up the stairs to her apartment, when he had reached the first floor he could hear a woman and a man shouting at each other, they were fighting, he could hear the sounds of breaking china…the sounds of their fight, their voices…they cleared up the closer he got to Sara's apartment.

Grissom felt how his chest tightened. What was going on in there? But at least Sara was still alive…and not lying on the ground, in a pool of blood with a bullet in her head, like in his personal worst case scenario.

He took a deep breath, should he really knock on the door? This guy in there seemed to be familiar with her, they seemed to know each other really good…he had heard her shouting at him that in all the years she had never been so disappointed by him…maybe he was an old friend….maybe he would just distract them…but this was Sara behind this door. Sara! What if this guy would lay a hand on her? Hurt her? He made a brutal impression on Grissom, only by the sound of his voice…and the choice of his words…Grissom felt sick by making clear to himself, that this guy was saying those words to Sara.

Grissom took all his courage together and knocked on the door.

It got silent in the apartment, a couple of seconds later a man answered door…opening it only for a couple of inches. "What?"

Grissom cleared his throat. "May I talk to Sara? Please."

"No." The man was about to shut the door again.

Grissom, now really worried, probably a little too much driven by his panic, had slipped his foot into the gap between door and doorframe. "I want to talk with Sara." he said strictly.

The man's eyes widened. "Do you want a problem? Leave you bastard!"

"Sara?" Grissom told himself to simply ignore this guy and to call out for Sara, if he could at least hear her voice to be sure that she was okay. "Sara?" he shouted out louder, trying to press the door open at the same time, but this mountain of a man was stronger than he was, there was no chance.

And Sara didn't answer.

"Leave! She doesn't want to talk!"

"What did you do to her? Let me see her! I want to see her! I am going to call the police if you…" Grissom really got desperate…who was this guy? What was he doing with Sara?

"Let him in Michael." Sara said softly from the other side of the room.

Grissom felt a stone falling off his heart…

Michael opened the door and Grissom saw Sara sitting on the sofa, her arms embracing her knees, her face buried in the beige pants of her track suit, her hair was pinned back in a ponytail with a burette…she didn't look up, she didn't move, she didn't say anything.

Grissom slowly walked over to her, while Michael furiously left the apartment, throwing the door shut behind him.

"Did he leave?" she asked with shaking voice.

"Yes." Grissom answered softly. He sat down next to her on the sofa, hesitating whether he should put his arm around her to comfort her or to not touch her, to not give her the feeling that she needed to talk, to open up about what had been going on in here…he noticed that she was shaking, he wanted to do something, the urge to pull her into his arms grew bigger and stronger with every second that passed by. But what could he do? The only thing he could do was sitting here, there was nothing he could say, he didn't know what to do…usually he always knew what was to do, but not when it came to her. When it came to her feelings everything he ever did seemed wrong, it would never be enough, it would never be good enough...

And then she looked up, it felt as if his heart was squeezed by a wrench, she had a black eye, her nose was bruised, there was a cut on her bottom lip and several bruises on her neck…

She looked at him, not talking, not moving…he reached out for her cheek, softly touching it. He was speechless. Had this bastard done this to her? He could feel that she was slowly calming down…but he wasn't…he was shaking, his whole body was…why did someone do this to her?

Grissom told himself that he had to be there for her now, he needed to stay calmed, she needed him to be there for her…he needed to be there for her…

"I'm sorry that I didn't call in sick…I should have called…I just….wasn't able to…"

"It's okay Honey. Don't worry about that."

She nodded softly.

"Did he do this to you?"

She swallowed hard. "He is my brother." she sounded as if she wanted to defence him.

"This still doesn't give him the right to…"

"…he didn't want to do it."

"Sara, you don't honestly think that, do you?"

She sighed softly. "He's not like my father…if he…if he would be married…if he would have children…then I'd be worried, but…"

"You have to report him."

"He is my brother! He…Grissom I can't report my own brother."

"Sara, you have to…look what he did to you! What did he do with you? That's not you! Sara I know that…haven't you always been the one who couldn't understand why so many victims do not…"

"…Grissom, you can't understand this. This is not about me! If my mother would find out that Michael turned into a cheap copy of my father…She was always so proud of him. You can't imagine. Nothing I did was ever as good as what he did…it would break her heart.", she could only whisper the last part…it took her a while until she found her voice back. "If he would have a wife…or a daughter." She swallowed hard. "I would report him. He is not like my father yet…but I…my father hadn't been that way for always either. And then Dad changed…and Michael could change into …Dad. If Michael would ever become like Dad…", she made a long pause. Wiping away some tears with the back of her hand…for a second she glanced at Grissom.

She slowly changed her position on the sofa, turning to him, not leaning against the back of the sofa anymore, her legs lay on the seat and her hands lay in her lap. "I didn't tell you the whole story about my family.", she said with a stronger voice. Slowly she caught herself…regained her strength, the strength she needed for what would follow now.

Grissom reached for her hands, he took them into his and squeezed them softly, then he began to caress them with his thumbs, slowly, gently…

Their eyes met. She bite down on her bottom lip, grimacing from the pain. She had obviously forgotten about the cut on it. She looked down on the picture of their hands together in her lap. She swallowed hard, took a deep breath and then looked at him again. "When I was 9 years old…my father started touching me…he…he never really raped me, but…he touched me and…if Michael should ever do the same to a little girl then I would kill him…with my bare hands, I swear Grissom. If I would find out that he ever touched a child then…I wouldn't need a weapon. But he swore that he would never do this. And…as stupid as it sounds…I believe him. He is my brother. I love him. And I need him! You…you don't know what it's like to grow up like we did. Michael was my childhood hero, he was the one who took care of me when Dad had beaten Mom so long until she lost conscience…he always took care of me when Dad was on his 'trips' -that was what Mom used to call it when he was in prison again- and Mom had drowned her frustration in alcohol. Michael has always been there for me…I have the feeling that now I have to be there for him…I found a way out of my anger and frustration…I need and want to help him to do the same."

Grissom was shocked. He didn't know what was worse, what had happened to Sara in the past or that she still wanted to help her brother. "How, Sara? How do you want to help him? Did you take a look into the mirror lately? Did you see what he did to you? Honey, brother or nor, he is a criminal, he needs to be…"

"…his aggression is growing, he stopped with the drugs two days ago…it's the withdrawal, he's going to get over this."

"What do you think, where did he go now? We are in Vegas Sara, he can buy his drugs almost everywhere here!"

"He's not going to do that."

"Why are you so sure?"

"Because he promised me to stay clean.", she said with an angry tone in her voice.

Grissom swallowed hard. She wouldn't give in. "You can't help him alone."

"He has a counsellor…a twelve steps program…and…"

"…what if he's going to hit you again?"

"I know how to defence myself."

"Why is your nose broken then?"

"It's not broken. It's only a bruise. Gil, leave. Just leave."

"What?"

"Leave!" she pointed at the door.

"No way. I am not going to leave you alone with this monster!"

She shook her head. "Why can't you just leave?"

"Because you mean something to me! And I am not letting him hurt you! Not again! Sara…" he pressed her hands against his chest. "Sara, you mean a damn lot to me and I am not going to let him hurt you again." he said with a strict, but loving voice.

Sara swallowed hard.

"Why do you pretend to be so strong? I know how you feel…why are you so stubborn and don't show me just how hurt you feel, how betrayed you feel, how lost you feel…"

"…don't pretend to know something about feelings."

"Only because I don't show my feelings it doesn't mean that I'm as cold and dead as a stone." he said softly. Then he reached up to her cheek and caressed it softly. "I…Sara I…I am scared that something worse than this might happen to you. Sara…"

Sara slowly shifted her body, leaned against him, snuggling against his chest. He twined his arms around her, holding her close to him. "I promise you that I will be okay."she whispered.

"I'm going to make sure of that." he whispered back and softly kissed her on her forehead.


THE END