A/N: Many, many thanks to jenorama for her ability to come up with words so quickly, (some of which I used) and for her comments and suggestions which are THE BEST!

This one is for Amy G. who said I should do it and especially for Mr. Weasley who not only inspired me in the first place but can make me giggle…

These characters belong to the wonderful world of JKR; butchering of said characters belongs to me!

A Kiss That Kills

Dear Bill,

Hello! How are you? How's Fleur? I hope that you are well and that everything is going well with the Order. I know I don't write to you often but I have a difficult question and I figured you would be the best person to give me a serious answer. After all, you are going to marry a part-Veela. You have to know your way around girls. I can't believe I just wrote that, you're my big brother. I don't want to know what you do in the privacy of your own bedroom. No, that's not true Bill, I do want to know. I have a problem and I need your help.

I overheard Ginny and Hermione talking the other day. They were talking about Harry. By the way did you know that Harry and Ginny were dating? Anyway, Hermione asked Ginny and I quote, "Can Harry deliver a kiss that kills?" Ginny GIGGLED and turned red! I don't know, Bill. This is not good. I'm not sure I like the idea of my best mate snogging my little sister. But this is not the issue. Ginny did answer Hermione, after she turned about 30 different shades of purple. Now mind you, I couldn't hear the whole thing because I wasn't supposed to be paying attention, but I think that Ginny said that when Harry kissed her it was like her whole life flashed in front of her eyes. She said she felt it from the tip of her head, all the way down to her toes.

This got me to thinking. I wonder: can I deliver a "kiss that kills?" Would I know if I delivered one? Have I ever delivered one? I think I can answer the third question first, I mean I did date Lavender Brown for a while. Yes, I did enjoy kissing her and I had a good time with her but I don't think my kisses ever made her life flash in front of her eyes. I know I certainly didn't feel anything like that. I think that I can only describe it as nice. She was a little too active if you ask me. Sometimes, I felt like I had just had my face sucked. I swear Bill; I actually had to wipe my mouth off after we finished. So the fact is; I don't think I've ever delivered one. Is that a bad thing? I hope it isn't.

Ron snorted as he read the letter back to himself. Hermione glanced up from the book she was reading and gave him a look as if to say he had interrupted her train of thought. He grinned at her, shrugged his shoulders and returned to the letter he was writing.

Bill, I really need to know how to deliver a kiss that kills. I need to know that I can deliver a kiss that kills. I need to know because…well, there is someone who I've been thinking about kissing for a while now. This is important to me. I want to do it right with this girl the first time. I don't want our first kiss to be just "O.K." Honestly, I want this girl to be the last girl I ever have to kiss. She's the one! At least I think she is…I hope she is.

Ron looked up again and watched Hermione as she read her book. She had pushed her hair back behind her ear and was twirling it around her finger. When she started to chew on her bottom lip, Ron thought he might die right then and there. Just watching her do that put crazy thoughts into his head. He knew that Hermione had no clue how much he fancied her and he figured it was almost time to let her in on the big secret he'd been keeping for the past three years.

So Bill, I need you not to take the mickey and please help me out here. You are my oldest brother and I know how good you are with girls and the sort of stuff that goes with that. I am ready to take the next step. I just need to know how to do it.

I am sending this letter with Pig. He will wait for your response. If you don't answer this letter, Pig has orders to fly about your head and peck at you until you write back.


Love, Ron

Ron sighed as he sealed the letter. He hoped that Bill would answer as soon as possible because he wasn't sure how much longer he could take the way he was feeling. He glanced over at Hermione again and he felt his heart flip over. He wanted to kiss her more than he had ever wanted anything else. Having Hermione melt in his arms was a fantasy he went to sleep with almost every night. It was time to make it a reality. With another sigh, Ron stretched, and stood up. Hermione looked over at him as he made his way towards the portrait hole.

"Where are you going, Ron?"

"I need to post this letter to Bill."

"Ron, it's almost midnight," Hermione said as she looked at her watch and frowned. "What's so important that it has to be posted now? Can't it wait until morning?"

"No Hermione, it can't wait until morning and yes, I have to do it now!" With that Ron climbed through the portrait hole. Bill's response couldn't come fast enough.


Two days later, Ron took the letter from a clearly nervous Pig. He fluttered about so badly that Ron had difficulty removing the letter from his leg. He gave Pig an owl treat and the little bird nipped Ron on his fingers and then flew away towards the owlery. Ron stared at the letter. In it was the answer to the biggest question of his life. He sat down on the sofa in front of the fire and, with a shaking hand, opened the letter.

Dear Ron,

First of all, let me go on record as saying that if you EVER send that bloody bird anywhere near me again, I am going to stuff it and put it on the mantle as a decoration. I swear, every time I put down the quill it pokes at me until I start writing again.

Ron smiled as he realized that the reason Pig was so nervous was because Bill had threatened him.

That being said, let's get down to the business at hand. Or lips as the case may be. I'm going to give you this advice in the hopes that you use the information provided with a certain brown-haired witch that we all know and like very much. I think that Hermione deserves "a kiss that kills" from you and that little brother, is what I am going to explain to you.

First of all, if you never remember another word I say, remember this: Kissing is an art form; it is NOT "sucking face." Sucking face is something that inexperienced teenagers do. You will not suck face, especially if I have anything to say about it. By the time you are done kissing Hermione, she won't be able to stand up straight. Hell, she'll have difficulty remembering her name.

A kiss is the prelude to everything, Ron. It is the most intimate thing you can do. In some ways a kiss is more intimate than sex. A kiss doesn't lie. In and of itself, a kiss is truth, it's PURE. It shows everything; how you feel, how you think, how you live. A kiss can be sweet and gentle, slow and seductive, or hard and fast. It will set the tone for everything else you do with a girl. It can turn her on or turn her off. It is your responsibility to make sure she's turned on. You want her to remember the kiss the next day, the next week, the next month even. You want her smile to herself and get a flutter in her belly every time she thinks about it.

Understanding the kiss is easy. Delivering it takes finesse. Are you following me so far, Ron?

"Am I following him so far?" thought Ron, "Bloody hell, I'm ready to kiss him myself."

Now that you know what "a kiss that kills" is little brother, I would think the next questions would be how do I deliver one and will I know if I have? The answers go hand in hand. If you deliver it correctly, you'll know. Yes, that is a vague answer but it is the only way to explain it. I can tell you that you will only be able to accomplish this if you are in the right frame of mind. You can't be thinking about it. You just have to do it.

Just take the girl in your arms and give her all the emotion you feel. First and foremost, make sure you have eye contact. Look her straight in the eyes. The eyes are the most expressive part of the body. You can read emotions in a person's eyes. Let her see how you feel as well. Look at her as if she is the most beautiful thing you have ever seen. Use your eyes to let her know that she means more to you than anything else. The girl has to know that you are not thinking about anything else other than the fact that she is in your arms. That means no Quidditch thoughts! Stay in focus, it might be hard for you but TRY!

Ron didn't think that would be too difficult. When he finally got Hermione in his arms, he knew he would never want to let go. The thought of holding her for the rest of his life was definitely appealing and something that he looked forward to doing, if of course, she let him. He just hoped that she wouldn't be turned off by his kissing ability. She had already kissed Viktor Krum and who knew what she did with McLaggen. He hoped that his kisses could erase any thoughts of Krum and McLaggen. With Bill's help he just might be able to pull it off…

Once she's in your arms, you can kiss her. Remember, this is not sucking face. You don't want her trying to wipe her mouth in the middle of it. Start softly, maybe run your lips back and forth against hers. Don't just plunge your tongue right into her mouth. Most girls don't like that, unless you are acting out a fantasy and you're supposed to be a forceful guy…where was I? Oh yeah sorry, don't need to go there. What was I saying again? Run your lips back forth and then slowly ease your tongue between her lips. Let her relax into you as you do that. Make sure you are holding her. You can run your hands up and down her back or put them in her hair, even cup her face with one of your hands as you kiss her. In my experience, girls have really seemed to like that move. Makes them feel protected or so I've been told.

By this time she should be feeling it. You'll be able to feel her go limp against you. She might even go weak in the knees. Actually, I remember the first time I had a girl go weak in the knees. We had been spending some time together down by the lake and I was kissing her and it was there that I finally got it right. It felt…well…really good; you'll know what I mean soon enough and the girl…I can't remember her name but no matter. What matters is that I felt her body sag down on mine and she let out this sound. I don't even know how to describe it to you. It was the best sound I'd ever heard. That was how I knew I'd done it.

The best sound he'd ever heard? Ron's eyes flicked up to look at Hermione over the parchment. She was sitting by the window with Ginny and she chose that moment to look over at him. She met his glance and Ron felt a quick sizzle along his nerves. "Blimey, what sort of sound would Hermione…" he thought as his mind quickly filled with a chorus of gasps, sighs and moans.

Well little brother, I have given you the tools you need. It is now up to you. Use the information wisely; use it to the best of your ability. I have faith in you Ron; you can do it. Give Hermione the kiss that she deserves…from you. You know you want to, so get it over with already. The real thing will be so much better than any fantasy you've ever had. Trust me, I know.

Let me know what happens. Good luck!

Love, Bill


Ron looked up from re-reading the letter for the third time that night. He hadn't even noticed how late it was. There was no one left in the common room, no one but Hermione. She was still sitting by the window but was now dressed in a robe and slippers. He hadn't even seen her go upstairs to change. She had a textbook in her lap but Ron could tell by the way her chest moved gently up and down that she was asleep. He took the golden opportunity to study her without her realizing it. As he stood up and quietly moved closer, he could see the moonlight shone on her face, giving her skin an almost translucent glow. Her skin looked so smooth and Ron wondered to himself how it would feel beneath his fingers. Her lips were slightly parted and Ron noticed that her lower lip was fuller than the top one. He cocked his head to one side and studied her lips a little more. They were shaped just like a heart and the color was like an almost ripe strawberry. Her hair was falling over her cheek and without even thinking about it, he reached over to brush away the curl. Hermione stirred just as his hand touched her hair.

"Ron, what are you doing?" she asked in a sleepy voice, her eyes slowly fluttering open.

Ron's heart constricted and then gave a mighty thump before settling back into a faster than normal rhythm. His mouth had suddenly gone bone dry and he felt like his legs would no longer support him. Kneeling next to her chair he reached out with a trembling finger and stroked it gently down her cheek. Hermione gave him a puzzled smile and laid her warm hand on his stubble-roughened cheek. "Ron?"

Bill's last words ran through Ron's head as a spike of something he'd never felt before flew through him, leaving his stomach in an uproar and his head spinning. "Give Hermione the kiss she deserves. You know you want to…the real thing will be so much better than any fantasy…"

Feeling almost as if he were in a dream, Ron swallowed and leaned closer to her, his voice barely above a whisper. "Hermione, there's something I need to do…"