Do You Feel Like Singin'?
By: Comm. Butler

Disclaimer: I don't own FMA or any of the songs used here. It would take me a whole chapter to give credits to all the artists who are unbeknownst to them, are letting me borrow their songs for this, but I don't own ANY of them. I may have tweaked the lyrics a little too.

Author's Note: This story came to mind while I was playing a friendly game of billiards (pool) and listening to Funk music and well I think despite it's corniness you will enjoy it. Yes I know it's corny and cheesy, but SCREW you! I'm doing it anyway and you will like it!


Chapter I: She's a Bad Mamma Jamma

Outside Riza Hawkeye's Office, Central HQ 710 Local

Central

Riza set Black Hayate down and let him into her office and turned back around to Havoc.

"So you were saying there was a meeting? Why didn't the Colonel tell me?" Riza asked almost glaring at Havoc who started to sweat.

"Uh…well he didn't exactly say… he just wanted me to go, and not to tell… uh… well I'm running late see ya later!" Without another word Havoc took off at top speed. Shaking her head Riza turned around and stepped into her office. She hadn't taken three steps before she was flat on her back holding the back of her head.

"OUCH!" She looked around and saw the small glistening puddle of… oh no…

"BLACK HAYATE!" She bellowed and then her head spun, when the world returned to it's upright position, things seemed a little brighter then before and she felt a little odd, but mostly her head hurt. The little dog whimpered and came out from under her desk. Riza glared at him. Getting up slowly, she touched her pants. They were soaked in Black Hayate's mess. Sighing Riza went to her gym bag. She should have an extra pair of pants in there… or so she'd hoped.

"Where are they!" She yelled ten minutes later from her seated position on the floor. The contents of her bag were spread all over the floor and still no pants. She had everything including a pair of black heels, but no clean uniform pants. Black Hayate trotted up to her with something in his mouth and dropped it in Riza's lap. Riza looked at it and groaned. She was holding one of Roy's prototype miniskirts and she wasn't happy. Patting Black Hayate on the head she headed for the nearest bathroom.

25 minutes later

"Whew! Now that I've got it on… I've gotta walk in it…" Riza sighed, walking carefully and with small steps to her office and slipping on the heels, without hose (she didn't exactly keep a pair of them on hand) she grabbed the files and her books and headed for Mustang's office, her head was pounding and she was cold in this sorry excuse for a garment and she was pissed. If he so much as made an extra breath about it then she was going to rip BOTH of his heads off.

Colonel Roy Mustang's Office, Central HQ Monday 730 Local

Central

"Good morning gentleman." Roy stated sternly standing in front of his officers who looked like they hadn't had their morning coffee. Even Armstrong's sparkles weren't so bright this morning. Roy ignored them.

"Now, this meeting needs to be quick, considering that the lieutenant will be here in exactly one hour, twenty-nine minutes and thirty six and a half seconds, if she hasn't arrived already. So as of the past few days you are aware that it is that time of year for officer evaluations. So today as you can guess is it is time to evaluate the Lieutenant on her… ahem duties." Roy glared while a small snigger went through the room. Havoc was the first to speak.

"I don't see why you couldn't just do it Colonel. I'm sure she'd be more then willing to…"

"HAVOC!" Roy shouted and Havoc shut up for a split second and then opened his mouth again.

"Well sir well all know that…she's a bad mamma jamma…

Just as fine as she can be,

She's a bad mamma jamma,

Just as fine as she can be,

Her body measurements are perfect in every dimension,

She's got a figure that's well worth paying attention,

She'd poetry in motion a beautiful sight to see,

I get so excited… viewing her anatomy,"

"HAVOC! You will not speak of a co-worker in such a manner despite that fact that…" Roy pulled down a chart with a picture of Riza in a barely there bikini and with a pointer motioned,

"Oh she's built!

Oh she's stacked!

Got all the curves a man like!

Oh she's built! Oh she's stacked!

Got all the curves a man like!

Look at her!" Roy changed to another picture.

"She's a bad mamma jamma,

Just as fine as she can be,

She's a bad mamma jamma,

Just as fine as she can be,

Looks like she's a portrait out of Vogue,

The essence of beauty,

Oh and such lovely hair!

She's foxy classy, oh sexy sassy!

She's heavenly oh what a sight to see!" Roy cooed admiringly (Think chibi Roy w/ hearts for eyes).

"Don't forget the guns!" Havoc chimed in. Roy nodded.

"Oh she's built!

Oh she's stacked!

Got all the curves a man like!

Oh she's built!

Oh she's stacked!

Got all the curves a man like!

WHOOWEEE!" Now everyone thought it was fine to join in.

"She's a bad mamma jamma,

Just as fine as she can be,

She's a bad mamma jamma,

Just as fine as she can be,

She's a bad mamma jamma,

Just as fine as she can be,

La-la la la lala la…" Roy then took over as he jumped up on the coffee table.

"Oh she's built!

Oh she's stacked!

Got all the curves a man like!

Oh she's built!

Oh she's stacked!

Got all the curves a man like!"

"She's a bad mamma jamma!

She's a bad mamma jamma!" Everyone chorused on either side of him.

"JUST LOOK AT HER!" Roy exclaimed motioning to Riza as she walked in the door.

"SIR! Get down from there!" Riza demanded. Roy jumped down.

"Well gentleman that concludes today's meeting. Now, GET OUT OF MY OFFICE!" Roy ordered, seeing Riza's state of uniform, he was going to get lucky! Everyone filed out as fast as their legs could carry them. Riza closed the door gently behind Fury and then asked as Roy set the pictures of her on fire, before she noticed.

"What was that all about sir?"

"Nothing Lieutenant, nothing at all." Roy smiled and Riza not believing what she thought she saw shook her head furiously, she must have slipped pretty hard.


You know you liked it… nods Now I demand that you review… please?