A/N: All Yu-Gi-Oh characters belong to Kazuki Takahashi
Family Vacation of Doom
"Land Of the Hillbillies"
The Doma leader was happy to see his boys ready and waiting by the door. Alister leaned against the wall beside the front door with a leg curled up under him as he crossed his arms, glaring. Raphael stood beside him with his arms crossed as well, with his head held high, giving a blank, bored expression as he towered over his friends. Valon stood on the other side of the door fidgeting and wearing a big smile. Dartz could tell his youngest warrior was anxious and ready to go.
Valon watched Dartz calmly walk towards them, and frowned. "C'mon, Dartzy! We've been waiting forever! Walk faster and let's go!" And just like before in the kitchen, Valon began to hoot and holler as he ran out of the house to the black Cadillac in the driveway.
Alister rubbed the side of his temples, embarrassed and disgusted at the brown haired Aussie. "He has way too much energy for this early in the morning."
Soon all four of them piled into Dartz's black Cadillac. Dartz in the driver's seat, Raphael squished in the front, and Alister stuck in the middle between a squirming Valon, and the blue cooler. Dartz put both hands on the steering wheel and looked behind him towards Valon and Alister.
"Did everyone," he paused, slightly embarrassed," you know, go?"
"Yes, Master Dartz," all three of them said in unenthused unison.
Dartz turned around and put the car in reverse. "Good, because I don't want to stop. We will be driving in the Ozark Mountains. Who knows what crazy hillbilly with a loaded shot gun we'll encounter," he paused and looked about suspiciously,"or worse, BigFoot!"
Alister rolled his eyes as Dartz drove out of town. "Okay, maybe not BigFoot, but we have to especially watch out for those hillbillies! I mean gosh, they eat squirrels and have opossums for pets!"
"Squirrels are cute," Raphael stated out of the blue.
Dartz nodded,"Yes, indeedy!"
Alister shook his head, glaring at Dartz. He couldn't believe the blue-haired Atlantian actually said that. Alister looked about the Cadillac at Raphael, who was humming off key to himself, Dartz, who was laughing at a lame joke had just cracked, and then to the squirming monkey beside him, who was amazed by the curvy roads. The read head sighed, crossed his arms, and slouched in his seat, loathing his vacation already.
Fifteen minutes later, Raphael's off-key humming stopped. He was fidgeting and moving about uncomfortably, sighing heavily. Periodically, Dartz looked at Raphael then back onto the road until he couldn't take it anymore.
"Are you okay there, Raphael?"
Raphael looked at Dartz with wide-eyes and nodded quickly. He fidgeted some more as his eyes began to water, and bit his lower lip nervously. Dartz studied him suspiciously as the Cadillac drove over an extremely bumpy part in the road. Raphael's eyes began to bug out as he clenched his teeth together tighter.
"Are you sure?" Dartz asked slowly. Raphael nodded quickly.
The bumpy road continued. Every bump they went over, it felt like their bodies lifted off the seat, and their skin and muscles jolted about as Valon took this opportunity to talk, thinking it was cool how his voice vibrated. Raphael began to grunt at each bump, holding onto his leg so tightly that his knuckles were turning white.
A few minutes later, his left eye began to twitch. "I can't take it anymore!" he yelled. " I have to go pee!"
Dartz swerved around on the road, fearful of Raphael's crazed looked. "What?"
"I have to go now!" he demanded.
Dartz glared at the blonde,"I told you to go before we left." He shook his head disappointingly,"You of all the people! I would have expected this from Valon, but not you Raphael!"
"I did go, I just had tons of coffee this morning." Valon giggled at the two in the front seat. "Now," Raphael said desperately in his demanding, gruff voice,"you either pull this car over now, or I will pull it over myself!"
Dartz pulled the car over to the side of the road and as soon as the car stopped, Raphael jumped out, already zipping down his pants. Dartz looked out the windshield and noticed an old hillbilly sitting on a rocking chair with a shot gun in hand, smacking his dry, crusty lips. Dartz's stomach flip flopped as he began to panic. He rolled down the passenger side window and called out to Raphael.
"Hurry up! It's getting scary!"
Soon Raphael was back inside and they were back on the road towards Silver Dollar City, curving around in the Ozark Mountains. The further they drove, the further they were from human contact. There wasn't a house for miles, which made Dartz even more nervous. Raphael was back to humming off-key, and Valon was successfully annoying Alister.
"I'm not touching you," Valon giggled as his finger hovered over Alister's nose. "I'm still not touching you!"
Alister grumbled and pushed Valon away from him and up against the window. He was ready to kill younger teenager. Valon's antics continued on as Alister grew madder. Suddenly, Alister realized Valon was quiet, and he wasn't squirming. He silently gave thanks and turned to look over at Valon. Valon sat in his seat quietly and perfectly still. A tinge of concern touched Alister when the younger boy started to drool.
"Bagels..." mumbled Valon.
Alister let out a sigh of relief, happy to see that he wasn't the cause of Valon's strange behavior. He was just hungry, but something was wrong. Alister's eyes widened as Valon's expression grew blank and distanct.
"Master Dartz, Valon's acting weird!"
Dartz looked behind himself through the mirror as Alister then Valon, squinting his eyes. "You know what to do, Alister, just get something out of the cooler."
The cooler. Ah, yes, the cooler, which was Valon's life support on any trip, held everything from potato chips to cookies to juice boxes. Often Valon would start vegetating from hunger, so Dartz quickly found out that having a snack around Valon was almost a necessity.
Alister opened the lid and stuck his hand inside, but something was very wrong. He moved his hand about reaching for anything, and to his horror, the cooler was completely empty. Panic and fear crossed his eyes as his jaw dropped, dumbfounded, while a slight gasp escaped his parted lips.
Dartz quirked and eyebrow,"What is it now, Alister?"
"The cooler is empty!" he yelled, slightly panicked.
Laughing his hardest, Dartz shook his head, not believing the skinny grey-eyed, red head. "That's ridiculous, I always fill up the cooler."
Raphael made a slight "hmph" sound as he looked thoughtfully out the windshield. "Maybe that's why the cooler felt lighter than normal."
Dartz chuckled even harder at the blonde beside him, then quickly gulped as his eyes widened in horror. "What, you're serious?"
Raphael shrugged,"I thought you just packed a whole bunch of those Quaker rice thingies."
"Alister, check the cooler again! I could have sworn I had packed the snacks before we left!"
Alister rolled his eyes and checked again. "Still empty."
"How could I have forgotten!" Dartz asked himself with disbelief at his own forgetfulness.
Just then, Alister began to panic in the backseat. "He's really starting to freak me out now!" He lout out a scream. "He's leaning on me, and making a gawd awful moaning sound!"
Dartz gave a panicked "eep","What are we going to do? What are we going to do?"
Raphael raised his hands to calm down their leader. "Okay, everyone stay calm and breathe."
There was some rustling in the backseat and Alister let out another scream. "He's drooling on me now! It's dripping down my arm! We need to get this stupid Aussie some food now!"
It was Raphael's turn to panic as he grabbed onto Dartz's right arm, pulling it about while Dartz tried to keep the car on the road. "Valon's going to die, Master Dartz! He needs food!"
Still trying to get his arm free, Dartz let out a yelp as they swerved around on the hilly mountainside road. "Let go of me, Raphael, you're going to kill us all if you don't pull yourself together! There isn't a place for miles to stop for food," he paused thoughtfully, then ordered,"Alister, look in my fanny pack, I may have some fruit gummies."
There was a tinge of hope that ran through them all as Alister rummaged through Dartz's fanny pack Under normal circumstances Alister would have loathed the fanny pack that Dartz so often carried around with him, but this was a different situation, a life or death situation. Valon needed his food, otherwise, he would become a mindless vegetable. Alister guessed that because the Aussie was so excited about Silver Dollar City, he forgot to eat breakfast, thus putting him in his vegetative stupor.
Alister frowned,"You have nothing in her but anti-bacterial hand sanitizers, and those anti-bacterial wash cloths!"
Dartz nodded,"Which reminds me, take a few and use them after you ride a ride." He cringed,"You don't know how many germy kids have ridden it!" He bit his lip trying to think of anything. "Everyone look under, in between, and around the seats for misplaced Sonic mints! Those minty, red and white, sweet candies may be our only chance!" So Alister and Raphael looked in between and under seats, under the car mats, in the cubbie holes, and in the cup holders, but found almost nothing.
"I found a crushed peanut, but that's it,"Alister stated.
Dartz looked about desperately,"Gather up the crushed peanut. We may need to use it."
But just up ahead, Raphael spotted an old gas station diner, and pointed for all to see. Dartz saw the diner and sped up faster, desperately calling for Valon to hold on for just a little bit longer. Soon he parked the car as he and Raphael frantically got out, rushing towards Valon's car door. Raphael picked up the drooling, moaning, vegetating Aussie, and made their way to the dusty, old doors of the diner as Dartz yelled from behind.
"Run, Raphael, run! Run as fast as your meaty legs can take you!"
Raphael entered the diner/gas station and quickly set Valon at a small table as old hillbillies wearing faded overalls and missing teeth watched in fascination.
"Howdy fellers, what kin ah do fer ya'll?" asked a hillbilly from behind the counter. Dartz ran in gasping for air, slapped thirty dollars on the counter , and ran towards the snacks, gathering up as many as he could. Alister walked in calmly, with a mischievous grin, obviously quite amused by Dartz's chaotic running about.
"Hey thar, youngin', yer pa jest gave me thirty buckaroos, dun ya thank that thar is too much?"
Alister laughed, watching Dartz and Raphael frantically gather up the snacks. "Trust me, it'll be enough."
Dartz stopped by the counter and looked down at the pile of snacks in his arms and slapped down a twenty, then ran off towards Valon. "Keep the change!" he yelled. The hillbilly smiled at the money, and started to hoot and holler.
Meanwhile, Raphael was quickly unwrapping Little Debbie snacks and stuffing them in Valon's mouth. Slowly, Valon regained consciousness, and enjoyed eating the snacks as his tummy got full. Soon he was back to normal, laughing, joking, and being annoying.
"Why are we in this stuffy, old place with hillbillies staring at us when we could be back on the road to Silver Dollar City?" Valon asked excitedly. Raphael only chuckled, making his way towards the Cadillac. Valon grabbed Alister, who was standing by the door, and led him to the car as Alister mumbled and grumbled the whole way, forgetting that he was even worried about this short Aussie friend. Dartz smiled, gathered up the left over snacks, made his way to the car, and drove off towards the amusement park.
A/N: Aww, isn't Valon just a hassle! Imagine going a trip with him? Actually, everything that happened in the story happened in real life on my trip to Silver Dollar City this summer. (I wrote this chapter riding down there! ) I absolutely love Dartz in this chapter! So, what crazy adventure will the Doma gang encounter next? You'll just have to find out in the next chapter, coming soon!