A/N: Hello everyone!

I wrote this one-shot to kind of poke fun at ALL those stories you see out there about "phangirls" and the terrible things they do to Erik. ((shudders)).

Of course, some of you "phangirls" might be reading this. In which case...don't flame me or you shall be punjabbed! (I suppose you can apply that to any flamers).

: P

And now, here is Erik himself to express his displeasure at having all those strange stories written about him. Enjoy!

(Bach's Toccata and Fugue in D Minor being played on the organ by Erik)

Good evening to you all. Welcome to my world of the night!

Here, Night is beautiful and eternal! Here, is where Music reigns! Night and Music blend into one; as they should!

I am here to inform you all as to my commands; if my commands are not met, a disaster beyond your imagination will occur!

(Music crescendoes-reaching louder and louder volumes)

If you would be so kind as to take a seat, I will gladly enlighten you.

(Erik's golden eyes seem to cast an erie glow upon those who are now seated-music echoing eerily around the room and leaving the audience stupefied)

First of all, no one, and I mean, no one shall huggle me! Those who 'huggle' me, or attempt to, I shall have no reservations on using my punjab lasso to kill them.

Second of all, no phangirls shall come anywhere near me, especially ones that are transported through time!

Third, thou shalt not put horridly idiotic words in my mouth and use thine author powers to make me 'huggle' people; it shall not be done, I say!

Fourth, thou shalt not write SLASH! Under no means would I ever do anything to that damn Vicomte, other than murder him.

(Evil laughter at this as music continues weaving its spell)

Five, thou shalt not pair me with anyone other than my lovely Christine! I refuse to offer anything to anyone besides to my dear, sweet, beautiful Christine!

(Music takes on a softer lilting melody)

Oh, Christine!

(Music once again takes on the darker, sinister sounds it is known for)

Six, thou shalt not write anything in which that damn fool of a boy abuses my darling angel, Christine! I won't stand for it!

Seven, thou shalt not place me (the past form) into the future to be disoriented by that vulgar world!

(Erik's lips curl in disgust, his eyes glowing, his white mask gleaming, as he begins playing faster notes)

Eight, thou shalt not write anything involving make-overs, or anything frivolous, that is used in the modern world! Anyone who does such will find themselves at the bottom of my lake, offering the lake occupants some much neglected company.

Nine, thou shalt not have anyone turn up in my lair! It is mine! No one shall be allowed down there but me! And perhaps Christine...or maybe even Madame Giry, or perhaps Nadir...but no one else!

And finally, thou shalt leave me alone and not be screaming phangirls about me! I shall have to take drastic measures to ensure your silence if you so much as giggle!


(Bach's Toccata and Fugue in D Minor comes to an end. Erik stands; his eyes smouldering with rage as he bellows)


(The spell of the dark music and the entrancing night in Erik's world is broken as the audience scrambles and runs away fearfully)

A/N: Muahaha! Don't you just love dark Erik?

Well, you heard him.

Please do try to be careful in the future...we wouldn't want you to meet an unfortunate end, now would we?