To Strive, To Seek, To Find and Not To Yield

by Catheryne

Veronica/Logan, Veronica/Duncan

AN: My first VM fan fiction. Title comes from Tennyson's Ulysses. Also chosen for Logan and Duncan's drive in this story to uncover a mystery, as tables turn and the center of an investigation is Veronica Mars. Title is also a tribute to Logan's constant quotations of great English literary pieces (For a bad ass, he does read an awful lot of classics, doesn't he?)

Part 1


Logan Echolls glanced at the back of his pad, where about three twenty-something year-old-men were tossing drinks with teenage girls. He laughed at the sight, then turned back to his partner. She was a gorgeous blonde, tall, slender, a hot up and coming actress who would be good investment. The girl reached up to run her fingers down his cheek, and Logan grinned.

"Go ahead, Lara. Get us some more beer," he requested. The young woman nodded and walked away, hips honey swaying as she looked back to see if Logan was watching her backside.

And he was. Logan Echolls would not let that pass.

He was living high in fame and wealth. Everyone wanted to be in his parties; everyone wanted to be with him. Logan Echolls had turned his life completely around after early upsets. At age twenty-two, Logan Echolls was one of the biggest producers in Hollywood. Where once scandal had been the ink that printed his last name, Logan now ruled. This was what he had always been meant to be, insiders said. He only needed to leave behind everything that close to ruined him, and Logan found himself on his feet, then flying high above the California clouds.

"Congratulations, Logan!" someone yelled.

Logan looked up and shook his head. "What? Marty, what are you talking 'bout, man?" he asked, chuckling at the antics of one of his new series' lead actors. Marty reminded him of himself when he was seventeen—only Marty was twenty seven now, pushing on twenty eight in a week. That didn't mean audiences wouldn't tune in to Marty. He was definitely bad boy material. Right then, Marty was standing on the backrest of his five thousand dollar couch.

Marty held up his phone and pointed at the LCD, as if Logan would be able to read from the other side of the room.

"I'm not Superman, dude. I won't be able to read that!" Logan yelled over the excited titter of the party.

"Hey everybody, shut up!" Marty cried out. "Gimme the remote."

Logan looked around at the four dozen people in his pad, and shrugged his shoulders. "Whose ass is sitting on the remote?" he demanded. "Hand it over to Marty over there before he regales us with his boyband days."

"Fuck off, man," Marty parried. "I'm not kidding. Give it up." The actor jumped in between the plastered couple on the couch. "I think I saw it here." His hand dove behind the woman, and slipped inside the dress.

"Asshole," the woman yelled, but giggled. She slipped her back under her butt and drew out the remote control, then handed it to Marty. "It's a little bit warm," she warned teasingly.

"That's hot," he murmured, then kissed the woman. "Nathalie, if you're going to be my leading lady, I wouldn't mind it one bit."

"Well," Nathalie responded, "that's entirely up to Mr. Echolls. You know that."

Logan dropped down on another couch and waved the suggestion away. "Just flip on the tv, Marty."

Logan's earlier companion, Lara, arrived with the beer. She handed it to Logan and asked, "What did I miss?"

"Marty's about to show us something, hopefully not his old music video playing on MTV Classic."

"Cool." The blonde sat beside Logan and everyone focused on the screen.

When Marty flipped the channel to The Insider reviewing the Golden Globe nominations, Logan sat up. Mary Hart read off her cards and Logan waited with bated breath as she pronounced, "And Logan Echolls' newest venture gains critical acclaim as he runs away tonight with four nominations, including Best Screenplay, Best Picture, Best Sound Editing and the coveted Best Picture award." The blonde entertainment reporter gave a brilliant smile and said, "Not bad for the once problem-child of Aaron and Lynn."

Logan's face broke into a wide grin. The crowd in his pad burst into applause and appreciative whistles. He stood up to receive the congratulations of his guests.

"Not too shabby, Logan!"

"So I bet you don't regret agreeing to work for my next project, huh?" Logan said aloud. "Now give me the remote before they start launching into a documentary about my parents and turn this into a nightmare." He caught the remote from Marty and as he was about to turn the television off, Pat O'Brien came onscreen and read off the next stories. "What did I say?" Logan muttered.

Pat said, "Coming up after the break, a look back at the horrible events that brought the Echolls kingdom crashing down—Aaron's arrest and Lynn's suicide. After that, what happened to that sweet and lovable girl who made a brief appearance in ET just ten years ago? Trina Echolls—from the drug bust, to the shoplifting—a sneak peak into the life of the Echolls sibling who just got left behind."

"Asshole," Logan muttered. "Thinking they can analyze everything."

"Just turn it off, Logan," Lara said, reaching for the remote control. Her hand closed over the plastic.

"And now, the shocking story that erupted just this morning."

"Fuck," Logan gasped, when images of his former best friend appeared on the screen, looking pale and harassed. He snatched back the remote control and turned up the volume.

"Stay with us as the heir to the Kane software fortune, Duncan Kane, comes forward with the admission that he probably murdered his own fiancé. Find out how this two-year-old mystery is connected to Hollywood top producer Logan Echolls."

Everyone else in the room dropped away from Logan's vision as he stumbled towards the large flat screen television, and the image of Duncan Kane sitting for his press conference. Someone clutched at his sleeve, probably Lara. Logan shook her off.

"I don't know what really happened," came Duncan's voice. "I swear to God, I wouldn't have hurt her for the world."

"Clear out," Logan said loudly, to his guests.

"She was my high school sweetheart. I loved her," Duncan continued.

"Leave," Logan said again. Some of guests, recognizing what Logan's voice meant, filed out. Some tried to stay, murmured comforting words, reached for him, even if they didn't know what Logan was really reacting to. "I said get the hell out of my house before I physically drag you out."

He walked over to the bar and poured himself a hard drink, listening to the television.

"I've cooperated in this investigation for two years. Now it's reached the point when I can't deny it anymore. I wouldn't consciously hurt her, but she's still gone and I was the only other person there. Maybe I did hurt her." Logan glared at the television and saw Duncan clutch his head. "I never would have meant to."

"Go to hell," Logan whispered.

The screen turned back to Mary Hart and she narrated to the viewers, "Duncan Kane. A bruised man. Episodes that always leave him with no knowledge of what happened moments before. Is it possible that his illness took away more than memories?"

The camera panned to Pat O'Brien. "The mystery that had been wracking the FBI for two full years—What really happened in Duncan Kane's apartment in year 2007 that ruined a young couple's future?" He turned to the next camera. "The woman who stood between two of the richest twenty-two year old men in the country and her brutal assault. When we come back, Veronica Mars' connection to Hollywood producer Logan Echolls."

Logan sipped on his drink and, as a commercial for Diet Coke filled the screen, he turned around and surveyed his now empty pad. He dropped onto the couch and closed his eyes.

i "Logan, wait!" she called out. "Please listen to me."

He turned around and saw her running after him in the school corridors. "I'm done listening, Veronica!" he argued. He opened his mouth to say something, but shook his head. "Never mind."

"No, Logan." She clutched his arm. "Say it. I deserve it anyway."

He started shaking his head again. "I would have given you anything. Why couldn't you trust me, Veronica?"

Her eyes were filled with tears then. She did not cry in front of him though. "I was trying to solve my best friend's murder!"

"And to you, nothing is more important than that, right?"

Veronica stared at him speechlessly. "I loved Lilly."

"So did I," Logan replied. "It didn't keep me from loving and trusting you."

To that, she did not answer, although Logan suspected the truth. Veronica would investigate her own father if she needed to.

He cupped her face in his hands, right in the middle of the school. Logan laid his forehead on hers. Then, he stared into her eyes. Logan kissed her, and she returned the kiss with so much passion that he was gasping when he drew back. "This is never going to work."

"Why not?" she demanded.

"When I'm in love, I give everything. I can't hold anything back, Veronica. I can't stand it that you can't give me the same." Logan placed a long kiss on her temple, breathing in her scent. Then, he turned around and walked away.

He turned in the corridor and slipped behind a locker. Logan laid his head back against the wall and closed his eyes. He peered back and saw Veronica leaning back against the lockers as well. That was when Duncan stopped beside Veronica and urged her to start walking beside him. Logan watched as Duncan handed Veronica his handkerchief. /i

Logan was shaken from his reverie by his phone ringing. He did not get up to answer it. Instead, he waited for the machine to pick up.

"Logan!" came the sharp voice of one of his co producers, Allen. "This is way beyond, man!"

The television now showed Mary Hart again, introducing their puff piece on the Echolls family and saying that their feature of Veronica would follow later.

"Duncan Kane was on tv, admitting that he probably murdered his girlfriend. They were your high school classmates, right?" Allen crowed. "I smell a tv movie, man. This is great! I need you to pull the strings. Even now the networks are talking about another tv movie war like the Amy Fischer one. Get the rights, Logan! It's going to be a great lead in when you pilot iNeptune High/i next season. Gotta get your name up there. Call me, and when you do, you should have the papers already signed."

Logan turned off the tv and utter blackness blanketed the pad. The phone rang again.

"Mr. Echolls, it's Janie. I was going to finalize the shortlist of actors you'd need to interview for the high school series. I was wondering if you would be free on Thursday for the callbacks."

He pulled himself up and took the handset. "Janie. Stay there. I'm on my way." He put down the phone.

Logan stumbled out of his pad and grabbed his keys. When he stepped inside the elevator, the boy grinned at him and greeted, "Evenin', Mr. Echolls. Ground floor, sir?"

"Parking," Logan said.

The elevator boy sniffed. "Mr. Echolls, would you give me the privilege of driving your car tonight?" Logan's eyebrows arched. "Just to prevent any unplanned events from denting your vehicle, sir."

Logan tossed the keys at the wide-eyed boy. "To the studio then."

And when he sat on the passenger seat, letting the elevator boy whose name he really should find out soon, drive him to work, Logan tried to shake off voices woken by images of his best friend on the verge of despair, talking to police and the press about the possibility of his own crime.

i"You want trust?" She asked, after sitting uninvited beside him in the cafeteria. "I'm willing to try, Logan."

"Don't kill yourself trying," Logan returned. "Some of us are capable only of so much."

"I'm going to try, Logan. Isn't that enough?"

"Well I'm not willing to go through this insanity again, Veronica. Find someone else to fuck with. I've had enough."

She tore out his heart and trampled all over it first, he convinced himself as he walked away./i