Sirius Black has to be the most notorious player Hogwarts has ever seen, and when you look at people like James Potter and Alicia Finnigan that is really saying something.

Oh, he struts into the common room with Potter (who is his best friend, big surprise) and everyone automatically glances round. Everyone secretly (or not so secretly in SOME of their cases) hopes to catch his eye, for him to smile at them. Seriously, he has one killer smile that boy. Even I have to admit it. He smiled at Marlene and she came running, without a second thought for her best friends warning (i.e.: me)

I can still hear her voice, whispering constantly about him. "Sirius is so sexy! I'm sure he's the one…bla bla bla…make's me feel so special…la la la…is a great kisser…"

Marlene found out he was a great kisser. And so did that other girl she found him snogging a fortnight after he asked her out.

I swear to god, I have never wanted to say 'I told you so' so badly. But I didn't, because I'm a good best friend. So I handed her tissues, and hugged her and assured her she was worth ten of that stupid, ugly Sirius Black.

That just made her cry harder because we both know that's a total lie. Black is neither stupid nor ugly, and on the social scale he is certainly worth way, way more than Marlene.

But you know what? I couldn't care less about his good-looks, or his rocketing-above-average intelligence. To me, he is a total git for hurting my best friend along with countless other girls. He can smile that quirky, alluring smile all he likes, because to me all he is is a toad. A huge, slimy, heartbreaking toad.

And that is why, ladies and gentlemen, when Black wolf-whistled at me passing by him in the common room this afternoon did I stomp up to him and slap him with a resounding crack.

I don't think he liked it very much.