The Fine Art of Taking Over the World
In Just a Few Easy Steps
By: Lord Voldemort
Hello, readers. My name is Lord Voldemort. Cower in fear at the very mention of my name! As nyway, this book, if you can't tell, is all about the fine art of taking over the world. I, myself have not been able to do it, but have no worries, for I am close. Now then, let's get started.
The fist thing you want to do is to gain loyal, powerful, but stupid followers. Allow them to do all the dirty work and if they die... well, who cares anyhow? Make sure you have a theme. My theme for example is 'Muggles, Mudbloods and Halfbloods must die. Purity must be maintained!' Now then, it is a bit hypocritical, seeing as how I'm a hlaf blood, but as long as they don't know, I don't care. And if they did find out, I'd just kill them.
Second, kill all Seers. Their prophecies are really starting to annoy me. One said Potter might be able to kill me. So, I go over, all intent on murdering him as a child and somehow he ends up famous and I'm dust in the wind, metaphorically speaking, of course. Which brings me to:
Three, never murder someone with the ability to kill you with the killing curse. Strangle him or stab him. Something that is IMPOSSIBLE to escape from.
Four, learn to love chocolate and alcohol because as an evil overlord, you will need them! Annoying followers, heroes that just won't die, ministry workers, that for whatever reason feel loyal to the Ministry. It never ends!
And last. Keep a good Potions Master and Strategy Master on hand at all times. Potions Master for the headaches that will happen because of, once again, annoying heroes that just won't die and stupid followers. Strategy Master for the times when the headache potion wears you out and you need a good plan to kill annoying heroes that just won't die... or just for the really great party we have every last Saturday of the month. This month, Hawaii themed!