It's a survival thing. I made a lot of devil's bargains and I stuck to them. As a result, I live somewhat dangerously, and quite comfortably. My mother, who no longer recognizes me, has the best room at the clinic. I get up every morning, put on my game face and do what I have to.
... Lilah, Sleep Tight

--

She never said that this was the life she wanted. When she was younger, she used to dream of defending people who couldn't afford a high-priced attorney. But things happen. You except that there is nothing you can do about them and move past it.

When her mother got sick, she started looking for a better-paying job. As she moved up in the world, she learned things about it no one should. To climb the latter of success, she experienced most of the dangers they warn you about in school and even more that they don't. Dealing with the beautifully evil and perfectly sinful became a part of daily life. Drug-addicted starlets and soulless businessmen were just part of the scenery. Twice, she was caught running cocaine, but was able to duck consequences doing things she never would have dreamed of before. Her childhood dreams wore away, always looking ahead.

Then Holland Manners found her. Offered her the life she'd been searching for, and expecting what seemed like so little in return.

After a while, you stop questioning the ethics of the things you do. Or at least Lilah did. She quickly became accustomed to being surrounded the rich and beautiful, becoming one of them. She was able to move her mother out of the state hospital, and into a fully-functioning facility that could properly take care of her.

Defending the guilty and implicating the innocent was just a part of the job, a small part that she could overlook when necessary.

But all that changed when Angel moved to LA. First, he was just a minor irritant. But he quickly grew to more then that, and sometimes it seemed like he was doing what she had initially intended to do. Doubts began to creep into her mind, her resolve beginning to slip, and she was terrified that someone would see. Then Faith showed up. And it seemed that she was the answer to everything. But once again, Angel interfered.

But by that point, she had excepted the fact that this was who she was. She had seen herself in the rogue Slayer's eyes and known that there was no going back.

So she stayed on track. Taking one thing at a time, never questioning why she was doing it or if it was right. She was who she was. All points in her life had led her to this moment.

"He's going to kill us."
"Why do you think I let him out? You stupid bitch."

But she never said that this was the life she wanted.