Title: A Typical Harry Potter Fanfic
Summary: A parody of fanfic clichés everywhere. Don't worry, I write this out of love. Mostly.
Warnings: Irreverence, silliness, mild cursing, and satire. If you have a problem with your heart, your back, or your sense of humor, you should not read this fic.
Disclaimer: Any and all plagiarism is blatant.
Author's Note: Welcome, fellow fanfic writers, to my Evil Lair of Doom! (maniacal laughter) Now that I have that out of the way, allow me to explain my artistic vision. Or perhaps that's rather like a three-year-old explaining what inspired his most recent fingerpaint masterpiece. Anyway, I don't know why I decided to write this story. I was young and not so innocent (I was, after all, in eighth grade), and I decided to write a story that incorporated all the horrible MWPP clichés out there. Originally it was going to be short, but it just kept growing. So now that I've explained myself, let the terror begin.
Chapter 1: In Which The Marauders Meet, Become Friends, and Defy Nature by All Being Placed in Gryffindor, Not to Mention that the Author Makes Excellent Use of Plagiarism and Capital Letters
James Potter, who had hazel eyes and glasses and was popular beyond imagination despite his hopeless dorkiness, was riding the Hogwarts Express. Then three boys, all of whom had different eye and hair colors, came into the train compartment and sat on James's lap.
"Hello!" said the small, brown-haired boy. "We're your future best friends. Those of us who lack absurd symbolic names are fat." He grinned pleasantly. "And I'm not a werewolf."
"Nice to meet you," said James. "Now get off my lap."
"Hey, look, we're at Hogwarts!" shouted Sirius, who had suddenly acquired a name.
"You've got a name?" asked James.
"Yeah, they're falling down from the sky."
The blond boy shrieked. "I don't wanna be Arabella!"
Once everyone had his or her correct name, the students got to Hogwarts. The author reread HP #1, and stole the lake-crossing scene.
"Attention!" shouted McGonagall, who had used telepathy to inform the students of her name. "Anyone who talked to James Potter on the train is now in Gryffindor! The rest of you—line up for the Sorting!"
"Hey, look!" said Remus. "A redhead!"
"I hate you, bitch!" James shouted at the redhead.
"I hate you, too!" she called.
Author's Note: Now wasn't that fun? I have more chapters written, and even more waiting to be written. However, I can't be trusted to write with regularity. Are you interested in reading other chapters? How often would you like me to post them? (I think something between every three days and once a week would be appropriate.) Are there any fanfic clichés you would like me to make fun of? And don't you DARE say Mary-Sues. Thanks for reading. Please review if you can—I will make every effort to return the favor.