Oh yeah, my new name is humanoidkitten, and I was previously kawaiinekojinlover, just in case ya wanna know. (squidge)

Disclaimer: I don't own it, unfortunately. If I did, there would be boi-secks and butt-fucking everywhere. (sigh) And not JUST between Kai and Rei. X333

Summary: Rei feels the need to add some more interest into Kai's package.

Not THAT package, you pervs. I'm talking about work!

Warning: Well, for now it's only Kai's potty mouth. That's about it. Oh, and little sexual innuendo's.


Chapter 1: Confusion, Triumph, Cockiness

Rei skimmed over the instructions of the package, CD in the one hand. He heard Kai distantly give a "fuck it" as he most likely couldn't get his shirt buttons to button up properly and wandered past him, heading toward the kitchen. Rei caught him as he went by, momentarily placing down the package and placing his hand on either side of the Russian's head and pulling him close for a long and meaningful kiss. Kai melted into the kiss, running his tongue along Rei's bottom lip before going into an all out make-out session. Rei pulled back from his lover, in dire need of air, and gave him an encouraging smile.

"Kai, you'll do fine. You'll get the agreement forms out of the old guys, your employees won't complain about the choices you make and if they do, you'll do the same thing as always. Death glare them." Kai leant in and nipped at Rei's bottom lip before sighing heavily and pinching the bridge of his nose, Rei arms now loosely around his neck.

"Rei, I'm not entirely sure you understand half the things I say. And glaring at them isn't the ONLY form of punishment I can come up with, you know." Rei removed his hand from Kai's neck to unbutton and re-button his shirt.

"I do too. I merely put it into less stressful terms for you. You get enough of that from work Kai-Kai."

"I know Tala or Bryan told you that name, so don't think that I'LL think it's out of your pure love and affection." Kai ended his speech with a dart of the eyes off to the left, spotting a freshly made cup of coffee, practically calling his name.

"So what if Tal and Borisu told me? It just adds to the fact that I'm able to blend with different pet names. Will you hold still please?" Kai grunted at him and continued to try and reach the cup of coffee without moving his torso.

"Rei, I know you're perfectly capable of think up names yourself, I've had first hand experience. And will you let me get my coffee?" Rei glanced over at the coffee that Kai was trying so desperately to reach.

"Who said anything about your coffee?"

"You don't like it."

"I had a taste change."

"You're a tea drinker."

"You drink Vodka."

"That's different." Rei let him go as he finished the last button, watching Kai in amusement as he swiped the cup of coffee and took a long sip, and then relish in the lingering taste. And then sigh somewhat happily. This just caused Rei to smile… I mean, who in the world would get to see this in the morning? Rei was just lucky enough to fall into the eyes of the Russian blader, and return feelings. It was quite simple – two bladers caught in the rain (the other three having gone to a restaurant).


Rei let out a small squeak as his foot caught in a crack in the pavement, falling into a wet but firm chest as the elder turned around to inspect the sound. Bodies molded as the younger felt himself pressed up against a certain Russian, heat rising in his cheeks. For what seemed like hours both stood, neither moving until Rei looked up and Kai had bent down to see if he was alright and their lips locked, immediately turning into the classic, Kai/Rei fangirl snog, which led to messy and wet kisses in the elevator, to other things in the hotel room.


Rei grinned at the memory, though Kai always seemed a little embarrassed about the fact that he was caught off guard.

"What's with the package?" Rei blinked out of his daze and glanced down below his waist, then confused back up at Kai.

"Huh? What?" Kai smirked into his cup of coffee and nodded towards the CD and box.

"I said, what's with the package, you pervert." Rei looked behind him and, finally realizing that Kai ACTUALLY wasn't being perverted for once blushed and picked it up.

"I-It's a soundtrack I've been waiting for."


"Yeah, 'oh'. It helps to get you to rise and shine." Kai just merely raised an eyebrow and finished his coffee.

"Alright, I'm off love. Don't expect me home early and don't ring up to check on me, okay?"

"Okay!" Rei came over and gave him one last kiss on the lips before handing Kai his briefcase and watching him stride out to his Porsche and drive off for work. The neko-jin couldn't help but smirk widely (an emotion that one would find unusual for such an innocent person to have played across his face) and placed the CD in the lounge room stereo, pulling out all of his toys and equipment. Not that Kai had realized it, but what he meant brought a whole new meaning to the term "rise and shine".

Many many hours of work later…

The door opened hastily as Kai finally arrived him from work, kicking of his shoes in the process.

"Rei, I'm home." He loosened his tie and unbuttoned a few of his shirts restraints, letting the cool air from his manor breeze through the thin fabric. Sighing a 'finally' to himself, he walked in as something important came to his mind. Why hadn't Rei come yet? Glancing around, Kai saw that none of the lights were on. Guessing that Rei went out, he wandered into the kitchen in search of one of his energy sources – vodka.

"Thankyou Russian forefathers." Kai muttered as he pulled open the fridge. There were only two other things he could rely on to perk his mood; Rei, and sex. Okay, maybe not sex… more fucking if anything. Smirking, Kai reached inside and felt around for the familiar cold bottle, but his hand came in contact with something firm and thin instead. Grasping whatever it was, he pulled it out of the fridge… along with his bottle of vodka, of course. What was revealed in his hand was nothing but a letter presumably, inside a crimson envelope with something written on the front. Our favourite Russian looked closer at the fine printed black letters and raised an eyebrow at the word.


Confusion? Yes, Kai was very confused. Shrugging, he opened the letter and took a swig of vodka to accompany it, obviously not noticing the last of the pill dissolve into the alcohol's depth. Kai leant against the counter, undoing his belt as he skimmed over the note, murmuring ever so slightly.

Clue #1:

It can see you…

But you can't see it.

"What the fuck? It can see you, but you can't see it? What is this, some kind of treasure hunt?" Kai flipped the letter and envelope onto the table, taking another good swig of vodka, undoing the top two buttons on his pants. Man, when was Rei going to get home? He stood there for a couple of moments, the fluent handwriting imprinted in his mind. Kai looked at the letter. The letter sat there. Kai glanced away. He glanced back at the letter. The letter sat there. Kai frowned, and looked out the window.

"This is so fucking stupid." Kai got up from the counter and wandered towards the glass mirror up in that attic. (In case you didn't know, by that I mean those mirrors like they have at police stations – you can see inside, but you can't see out.)

Once up in that attic Kai pulled off a sheet or two from the mirror – something Rei'd won in a smile contest or something – and couldn't help but smirk triumphantly at the red envelope pinned on the shiny surface. He plucked it off and read the word.


What, was it guess Kai's mood day or something? He carelessly opened the letter to find not only another note, but a small rectangular mirror, without a frame or anything, about the size of his hand in there. Perplexed, Kai pocketed it for whatever reason he could muster and opened the note.

Clue #2

Tick Tock Tick Tock

Alice has come home.

Kai looked towards the door as he heard a grandfather clock chime six times, and smirked.

"Well, that's easy." Kai stood up and brushed himself off, pocketing the envelope and letter also.

A few stairs and doors later, Kai was looking at the grandfather clock in his own bedroom, and the red envelope inside the glass.


"Tch. What would an envelope know?" Kai pulled out the letter from between the glass and framework and opened it with ease, also noticing something else hidden back there. Squinting, he reached in and plucked out a small silver package, with what felt like a rubber band inside-

"Oh. Wait…" Kai ran over a few things in his head:

Vodka, mirror, condom.

Red letters, emotions and clues.

Condom… Rei always made him wear a condom, something about hygiene and STD's, fucking STD's my ass, I've had my annual check-up and – WAIT! Condom, Rei.

Rei's being kinky!

Kai blinked out of his confusion with a cocky smirk, now understanding where this was going.

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