A/N: Just so there's no confusion here (besides the confusion I intend to cause) here are the people on their way to the shower: Eddie Guerrero, Taker, Booker T, Christian, Batista, JBL, The Fabulous Moolah, and Mae Young. I know that, sadly, Eddie is no longer with us, but I don't want Latino Heat to die. His memory will live on, and so I'm keeping him in this story. Now that we have that established...on with the pain! I mean, the story...
"We don't need Heiden-roach to do Randy's butt!" Christian sang.
"Cuz Mae Young is ready to be a big old slut!" Booker sang.
"We're about to put Randy in the danger zone!" JBL sang.
"He'll be in danger when Mae is riding his bone!" Taker sang.
"Yes, I'll kill the Legend Killer. I'll kill him dead, you know!" Mae sang.
"But only because you're a cock-loving ho!" Moolah sang.
"Oh. Geez," Batista said, scrunching up his nose. His "passionate" kiss with Mae was still fresh in his memory. He could still taste the horrible taste of her tongue. It was kind of a mixture between rotten fish, sour cabbage, and Skittles. Taste the rainbow my ASS, he thought. He knew he would never eat Skittles again.
"Batista, amigo, you ok?" Eddie asked, observing Batista's face. "You're looking a little green, ese. You sick?"
"The Animal's sick? I can make it allllll better," Mae said suggestively, turning to look at Batista, whose eyes were wide with sheer horror. "Come here and let Mama Mae give it to you."
"Ah, fuck! JBL, I need your hat!" Batista said, cheeks suddenly bulging. JBL, hair and face already covered with drying puke, shook his head sadly and handed Batista the hat. Batista puked his heart and soul out, then handed the hat back to JBL, who then put it back on his head.
"That's just awesomely uncool, dude," Christian chided as JBL let the pike run down his face. "I mean, seriously."
"Shut the hell up, Christian, and lead us to the shower already," JBL griped. "I want this little adventure done already."
"Hush your mouth, Puke Boy," Taker said, glaring at him. He took a puff off the blunt and a wavering smile appeared on his face. It quickly disappeared, however, when Moolah snatched the blunt from him.
"Yeah, shut up Puke Boy," Moolah said to JBL, puffing on the blunt. "You are so shootin' the atmosphere to H-E-double L, dude!" She looked at Christian. "Did I say it right? Did I sound cool? Did I? Did I?"
"You sounded off the chizzle, my nizzle, for rizzle," Booker said approvingly. "But we're here now."
They all came to a stop in front of the men's locker room. They looked at each other, grinning deviously.
"Mae, you may do the honors," Christian said happily, opening the door to the locker room.
"Why, thank you, sexy boy," Mae said, twirling her tongue around in a suggestive manner as she looked at him. "Me and you could have some real fun after I do Randy..."
"Uh, no thanks," Christian said, turning pale. "I'm sure someone else would love to get with you, though."
"What? Afraid you can't handle me?" Mae asked, doing a little dance in front of him. "I could rock your boat, Captain Charisma!"
"You can't, because, uh..." Christian paused, looking for a good reason. His eyes rested on JBL, and he smiled slightly before looking back at Mae. "You can't, because I'm one hundred percent gay. I'm a homosexual."
"I can make you bisexual," Mae offered happily. "Me and you, after I finish with Randy..."
"No, I think he'd prefer me," JBL said proudly, coming over to put his arm around Christian's shoulder. "We have so much in common. We're both... Well, you get the picture."
"I'm not really gay, you stupid ass!" Christian exclaimed in a loud whisper. "So get your damn arm from around me before I hit the Unprettier on you."
"How about we just get on with this?" Taker asked impatiently. "And Moolah, can you please pass the blunt?"
"Geez, Deadman, don't get your thong in a bunch!" Moolah snapped, passing him the everlasting blunt.
"I'm going in," Mae said suddenly, and she stepped into the men's locker room. Booker T followed close behind with his camcorder, and everyone else followed behind silently. Mae walked toward the showers with a purpose in her step...or maybe it was a limp. Either way, she got there, and there they were, both Randy Orton and Heiden-roach, taking a shower...together.
"Here, let me wash your back," Randy said softly, walking closer to Heiden-roach. He held a washcloth and a bar of soap in his hand, and he was grinning deviously.
"Uh, no thanks," Heiden-roach said, shaking his head. "Don't take another step. I don't need you to wash my back."
Randy frowned a minute, then got a marvelous idea. He dropped the soap. "Well lookie here at what I just did," he said to the other man. "I just dropped the soap... Watch me pick it up..."
Heiden-roach rolled his eyes as Randy bent down, tooting his butt up in the air and grinning back at him. He looked around and saw Mae standing there observing them, and his mouth dropped open as he noticed the others with her. "Would someone mind telling me what the hell is going on here?" he asked, hurriedly stepping out of the shower.
"Randy is a little bitch, so we brought Mae here to rape him," Christian explained.
"Yeah, and we're going to film it and name the movie One Night In Randy's Fanny," Booker said, grinning evilly. "Fo shizzle!"
"You know that name's not gonna work anymore, right?" Taker asked. "I mean, Mae's not gonna be in him. He's gonna be in her!"
"Actually, she very well could be in him," Moolah spoke up. "None of you know it, but Mae has both."
"What are you talking about? That's impossible!" JBL exclaimed. "She can't have both!"
Moolah sighed impatiently. "Mae, could you please show them and get this over with?"
"I'd be happy to," Mae said obligingly, turning her back to them. She slowly began taking her clothes off, performing a little strip tease for the people around her. When she was completely naked, she turned back around to face them.
"Holy shit!" Taker exclaimed, eyes wide. "What the fuck is that?"
"She has a penis...and a vagina! And a Chia pet, too!" Eddie said in a horrified whisper, pointing. "This is some freaky ass shit!"
"Told ya," Moolah said smugly. "Now Mae, we had a goal here. See that young boy in the shower? He's your next victim, so go get him!"
"Will do!" Mae said, saluting. Actually, different parts of her were saluting as well... She turned around and stepped into the shower. "Ooh, that's a very nice view of your ass," she called to Randy.
Randy stood up and turned to face her. "W-what are you d-doing in here?" he asked nervously, backing up as she advanced upon him.
"I'm here to barbecue your meat in my internal grill," Mae said simply, and then she charged at him.
"Nooooo!" Randy yelled, and he turned and started to run. He didn't get very far, though, before he tripped on a bar of soap, the very same bar of soap that he had dropped earlier. He landed on his stomach, and then he rolled over onto his back and laid there, grimacing, as she came closer. "No," he screamed. "You have both! And you're too hairy, like some kind of human Chia pet!"
"Well, I do use the special formula they use to make Chia pets," Mae admitted, straddling him. "I think it's kind of sexy how my hair grows like Marge Simpson's hair."
"But her hair is on her head! Yours is down...there!" Randy exclaimed. He screamed again as she sat down on him, and then he promptly passed out.
The others watched on in fascinated silence as Mae made good on her word of "killing" The Legend Killer. Booker came closer with the camcorder, making sure to get some disgusting close-ups of the action.
"It's just like I imagined it would be," Christian said in horror. "Wrinkled skin, sagging tits, floppy butt cheeks, a ratty carpet, dentures... But I never thought she'd be growing a Chia pet in her groin!"
"And I bet you never thought she'd have a penis, either," Taker said. "I know I sure as hell didn't!"
"This is just wrong, ese," Eddie said, shaking his head. "Can someone please pass me the blunt?" Christian handed him the blunt, and he grinned that Eddie smile. "Gracias."
"Hey Mae!" JBL called to the old woman, who was still on top of Randy. She turned to look at him and stuck her tongue out at him, but he ignored the gesture. "When you're done with him, be sure to pass the ass!"
"Gladly," Mae said, then went back to her current task...
About an hour later, Mae stood up from off of Randy. She stretched a little, then squatted a bit and farted. "Oops," she said, giggling, and then she walked over to the others. "Now who's next in line?" She turned to Batista. "How about you, Animal?"
"Oh hell!" Batista exclaimed. He put his hands over his mouth and ran in the opposite direction as the puke spewed out.
"You?" Mae asked, looking at Eddie.
"Hell no, puta," Eddie said, calling her a prostitute in Spanish. He turned and ran behind his friend and away from Mae. "Batista, amigo, I'm right behind you!"
"You were next anyway," Mae pointed out, looking at Christian.
"Fuck that! I need the blunt! Eddie!" Christian ran away, following Eddie, who still had the blunt.
Pretty soon, everyone was gone except for Booker, JBL, Moolah, Mae, and a still-passed out Randy.
"Come on, you old heiffer. It's obvious that none of them want you anymore," Moolah said, handing Mae her clothes.
"You're right. My work here is done," Mae agreed, slowly getting dressed. When she was fully dressed, she turned to Booker. "If you ever need an old whore to screw somebody as a form of revenge..."
"I'll be sure to call you first," Booker said, looking at her through the camcorder. "Thanks for your help."
"No problem," Mae said. "You just make sure you let The Legend Killer know that his cock is gonna fall off. I barbecued it...literally." She grinned happily, and then she and Moolah shuffled away, cackling like old hens.
"Whoa, what the hell just happened?" Randy asked, sitting up from the floor in the shower. "I had the craziest dream that I had sex with Mae Young."
"It wasn't a dream," JBL said, stripping out of his clothes. "She sat on top of you and you passed out."
Randy looked down at his groin in dismay. "Oh crap, my cock is shriveled up now! It's burnt black!"
"And it's going to fall off soon," Booker informed him with a laugh. He got a close-up shot of the look of sheer horror on Randy's face, and then he turned the camcorder off. "I'm done here." He laughed and walked away, singing Fozzy's It's A Lie. "I ain't takin' this shit no mo..."
"How does it feel knowing that you'll be cock-less in a few minutes?" JBL asked, totally naked now.
"It's not like I used it much anyway," Randy said with a shrug. He looked up at JBL. "What are you doing?"
"Mae promised to pass the ass when she was done," JBL said, pulling Randy to his feet and pushing him against the tiles. "Do you have any...problems with that?"
"Actually, no," Randy said, grinning. "Let's do it!"
A/N: And that's the end to this crazy story! I didn't know how to end it but it's done now (I think)...