Tears In Heaven

Summary: Another one of my 'After Death' fics. Lucy gets a visitor that she knew in life... Up in heaven. Song fic.

A/N: OK, if you read my last two after death fics, then you know how strange these can turn out to be. If you didn't, then I'm warning you! But it's still a good fic.

Disclaimer: For you oafs who didn't know, I don't own any characters except the unfamiliar ones. Song is to Tears In Heaven sung by Eric Clapton (among other singers)


Would you know my name if I saw you in heaven?
Would it be the same if I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong and carry on, 'Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven.

Lucy was lying on the warm beach watching the sun set. Heaven she though, Is not all it's cracked up to be. She missed Chicago. Sure, she could make her reality seem like Chicago, with bustling people and taxis and the County General. She could pretend she had never died. She could pretend she still worked at County General and have brief, realistic arguments and discussions with a made-to-look-real Carter. But it wasn't the same. Whenever she had a good memory in that world, she knew that there was no one real to remember the experience with her. The last "real" memory she had was watching Romano and Kerry's face as Kerry pulled the sheet over her head.
"Lucy Knight, I swear I have never seen a girl so sad in heaven!" Lucy jumped. She turned around. She saw her Grandmother, in her prime age of twenty-one.
"Hello," she sighed. She looked the same as she had the day she died, minus the bloody scratches and unwanted marks. She loved to pretend it never happened, but she knew it did.
"Really, you go there all the time and still you are unsatisfied! You see them every day!"
"Yeah, but they never see me... Every time I go down there... It makes me feel good that they are getting on with their lives, even Carter, but sometimes, when they're sad... What I wouldn't give to comfort them..."
"And so, you make your world Chicago and pretend you're still a living breathing young woman with a future ahead of her. And still, you're not happy!"
"You don't understand...:
"You, granddaughter, are like all the others who are taken away before they have a chance to grow up. You mourn the things you lost. I, for instance, have all I want! All my friends are with me and soon, yours will join you. But there are some family members I miss. Your mother, for instance. But I know she is happy and that is enough to make me happy. Why can't you be like that?"'
"Oh Grams, it's not that easy! Lizzy, Peter, Dave... They're all over what happened. But Carter still thinks of me at night sometimes and it hurts. They aren't always happy.... And they can't see me, they don't know I'm there... What is it?" Lucy asked, noticing the strange look on her grandmother's young face.
"Well... I came here for a reason, Lucy... A friend of yours... Today... It's not his time but he came..."
"Oh no, what happened?"
"They need you to convince him to go back. He was attacked a few hours ago..."
"Who?" Lucy asked. Her Grandmother sighed, her blond hair shined in the late sun.
"Come on, boy..." she called behind her, "I'll leave you two alone..." and she disappeared.
Lucy turned back to the calm ocean for a minute, watching the sparkling, dancing colors of the sunset on its warm surface. The sun was a blazing fireball, about to fall behind the horizon. The sky looked like and artist's canvas, full of pastel colors he was experimenting with.
"Isn't it beautiful?" she asked to the person behind her. She felt his eyes. She knew that gaze even without turning around. It was the only gaze that saw her, looked straight at her when she went back to the living world. He had arrived.
"Yeah, it is," a strong male voice answered.
"How'd it happen? How'd you die?"
"Hostage situation down at the Hilton. I was one of them. I was trying to help a young girl who reminded me of you. The guy wouldn't let me, so he shot me. The police came in soon after that. They're still trying to bring me back, but I don't want to go back," he replied.
"You're making the biggest mistake you'll ever make," she said, turning around and looking into those deep brown eyes, "Why do you want to stay so badly?"
"I don't want to lose you again."
"You'll see me again soon enough," Lucy whispered. She couldn't let what she wanted get in the way of what was best for him. Her grandmother had told her that he wasn't supposed to die today. But Lucy wanted him to stay. Then, maybe, at last, she could be happy in heaven. But he couldn't. He had his life to live. Lucy had lost hers long ago and she couldn't be selfish and take his away just to have a companion to share good times with.
"But I want to be with you now!" he told her.
"You know that I'm with you everyday. I watch you all every day. Sometimes, I even think you see me."
"Sometimes I do," he replied. Lucy smiled and we came closer. He put his arms around her and she leaned her head on his shoulder.
"I won't be selfish, I won't be selfish..." she kept muttering to herself. She had been held by her made-up replica that represented him, but being held by the real thing was so... different. Much more comforting.

Would you hold my hand if I saw you in heaven?
Would you help me stand if I saw you in heaven?
I'll find my way through night and day, 'Cause I know I just can't stay here in heaven.

"Go home, Carter," she told him.
"I am home," was his reply.
"Please!" she looked at him with tears in her eyes. It hurt so much for her to let him go again, "If you leave, you will have peace," she promised him a promise she knew she couldn't keep.
"Right when I return? Will I find peace when I get back?" he asked. Now she had to be truthful
"Not now, but in time..." she knew that was true. If he didn't find his happiness in his lifetime, she knew he'd find it here. But later, now was not his time. She could wait.
"I can't leave you again!" Carter sighed.
"Will you go back for me?"
"For you... Anything..." he sighed, reluctantly.
"I'm always with you!" she called after him and he slowly faded away. Lucy fell to her knees and began to cry.

"Carter? Oh my God he's awake!" Carter opened his eyes. He saw Corday over him. She was working on him. As he looked at the team of smiling doctors and nurses, he vaguely recalled a very pleasant dream.

Time can bring you down, time can bend your knees.
Time can break your heart, have you begging please, begging please.

Lucy waited. And she waited. After several years passed, she saw Carter again. She had been a shopping mall in her pretend Chicago. She froze every sign of movement and ran to him. He was just as she remembered, young and handsome.
"My time has finally come, Luce. I lived to a ripe old age of-"
"84, I know, I've been watching and waiting," She changed the scene to the sunset beach they had been on last time they met, "And now, we can spend an eternity together!" he pulled her into a soft, warm kiss.
"I love you and I always will," he whispered into his hair.
"As do I, doctor Carter, as do I. Always and forever..."

Beyond the door there's peace I'm sure,
And I know there'll be no more tears in heaven.