Spacemonkey in the Middle(UNCUT)

A Story by Pip and Mel

Summary: Our take on Jack's reaction to Vala Malduran.

Rating: PG-13 for Sexual Innuendos

Season: 9, Episode tag to Origin

Spoilers: Origin, Avalon p.1,Prometheus Unbound

A/N: This verison of Spacemonkey in the Middle was the original draft written by me, after Mel and I came up with the idea. Though, we both contributed to the piece, all the work seen below was all written by me(Pip). Mel obviously wrote the second, and final draft, but, softened it up a bit, so, we have agreed to put out BOTH versions, to please everyone. This is the UNCUT, orginal version to how Jack would react to Vala.


Daniel: "Yeah, but didn't you feel that was because we had someone looking out for us? I don't think I would say this to anyone else, but for the first time, I'm scared."

Jack: "I'm hungry."

Daniel: "Me too."

Jack: "Come on."


"Ya know, " Daniel looked at his friend sitting across from him. "We could have gone anywhere for lunch. Why the commissary?"

Jack looked up from his 'gourmet' turkey sandwich, and grinned, as Daniel grudgingly picked at what was supposed to be macaroni and cheese with his fork. "What can I say I missed the food." he replied. Daniel just looked at him, smiling a bit. Jack shook his head slightly. Daniel had understood, just like he knew he would.

Jack really had missed being around base, being with his friends, especially Daniel. Years ago, if someone had told jack that his best friend would be the man sitting across from him, he would have laughed in that person's face. Well, to be honest, maybe not the man sitting across from him, but, the man that Daniel was at the start of this program. When Jack had first met good Doc. Jackson, the 'kid' was full of brilliance, spirit, and excitement. He was also a geek to boot, as well as one royal pain in the ass.

The man Jack now saw, was definitely Daniel, without a doubt. Same mannerisms, though less jittery and clumsy. The same face, kinda. Facial hair now covered the man's "baby face" as many of the women on base had called it. And, ofcourse, the same piercing blue eyes, shielded by those round-rimmed glasses. Though, Jack noted, those eyes shown to a soul, not of a youthful kid, but of a man who had seen much in the last few years. Daniel had spent too much time around the military type. He'd seen too many battles, too many deaths. Jack was saddened to see, over the years, that excitement, that spirit, had been too well tamed. Ofcourse, they we're still there, but, they didn't seem to complete Daniel anymore, like it once had. In the spaces left behind by their absence, the skills of a soldier, a warrior, had been placed. This made Jack grin inwardly.

Though Daniel still played the role of the no nothing scientist a lot of the time, Jack knew better. Daniel was probably the most fit person on this base, both mentally, and physically. After nine years of going through the gate, Daniel was the most qualified person to be around in this base, seeing as both Jack and Teal'c were now gone. He knew how to handle a situation as a soldier, and yet, could keep it within his civilian views. He shot better then most of the true soldiers on base, and Jack knew it. All around, Jack realized, Daniel had never lost what made him "Daniel," and, he'd still managed to adapt well.

Jack smiled, and chuckled at his thoughts. A chuckle that didn't go unnoticed. "What?" Daniel asked curiously.

Not wanting Daniel to know all he was think, Jack glanced up quickly, and found his out. "Oh, its just..."he sat back with a sigh. "I can't get over that beard."

Daniel knew that wasn't all Jack had been thinking, but, he wasn't gonna push the issue, at least not this time. "Oh." He rubbed at his face, now covered with hair.

"Why?" Jack asked suddenly, surprising Daniel.

"Huh?" he replied, a bit confused.

"Why the beard?" Jack emphasized.

"I just..."Daniel seemed to think of a good reason. Truth was, he really didn't have any. "Felt like a change is all." 'Oh, very convincing' the younger man thought.

"Laziness." was Jack automatic reply, as he took another bite, never looking up from his plate.

"No, I'm not being..."

"Lazy?" Jack cut Daniel off. "Yes you are."

"Am not."




The two were so wrapped up in their usual banter, that they failed to notice the woman standing at their table. "Well, I see I'm not the ONLY one he's immature with." the woman replied playfully.

Both men looked up in surprise. Jack looked at Daniel for some sort of clue who this was. He noticed Daniel easygoing mood seemed to have faded, FAST. His friend now seemed annoyed, as he leaned back in his chair, and his arms crossed, a small frown on his face, directed to the woman that had apparently joined them.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Daniel asked in a false, calm tone.

"I was hungry." the woman slid into the chair next to Daniel. Reaching out, she grabbed the fork sticking out of his now cold macaroni and cheese, and helped herself to a mighty bite.

"You can have food brought to your quarters." Daniel leaned forward, his nose almost touching hers. "Infact.," his tone was anything but happy. "Your SUPPOSE to have food brought to your quarters."

She just shrugged innocently.

Daniel looked up suddenly at the guard who was suppose to be keeping her in said quarters. "Why did you bring her here?" he asked in a commanding tone, that made jack proud.

All three people looked over at the guard, who appeared to get nervous at Daniel's scrutiny, and started to stutter incoherently. Daniel shook his head, and let out a sigh. Holding up his hand to stop the guard, he muttered loudly. "Nevermind! I get it."

"Oh Daniel." the woman continued to eat Daniel's lunch. "Relax. I was getting a check up done by your good Doctor. She insisted that I eat something. Said I looked Famished!" she added dramatically.

"Oh she did not!" Daniel sat back quickly, once again crossing his arms. To Jack, Daniel appeared to be enjoying this. Kinda like the two of them enjoyed their "discussions," when they didn't hit too close to home. "Plus, I highly doubt she meant for you to come here and eat." he smiled at her.

"Daniel! Come on. Don't you want to eat with me?" She batted her eyelashes at him, all the while, taking another bite.

"Would you stop that!" He pulled the fork out of her hand. "Leave my food ALONE." He pushed the tray away from her.

"Your not even eating it anyways." She tried to reach for the fork, but, Daniel held it away from her.

Jack couldn't help the laugh that escaped from his mouth at the sight. Daniel was treating the woman like some teenage girl.

"OH!" The woman seemed to notice him since she sat down. The fork and rood forgotten, she turned quickly to Jack. "And who might you be?" She asked curiously.

"Jack, O'Neill. Major General Jack O'Neill." Jack extended his hand. "And you are?"

The woman accepted his hand with a firm shake. "Vala. Vala Malduran. So your this Jack Daniel's always carrying on about."

"Yes, i'm the one." Jack looked at Daniel, who had his head bowed in annoying. He was guessing Daniel hadn't wanted them to meet. Jack could see why. No one, it seemed, knew how to push Daniel's buttons quite like he could, save for this Vala. He liked that, a lot, and Daniel NOT liking it made it so much better.

"So, how did you meet good Daniel, here?" Jack asked innocently enough. But, still, Daniel's head shot up, and he glared at Jack. Ofcourse, Jack knew who this woman was. Hell, Landry had just briefed him about the little 'adventure' the two had together.

"You don't know?" Vala asked surprised.

"No, I..."

"Yes, he DOES know." Daniel jumped in, as he got up from his seat, and started to gently pull Vala from hers. "He knows how you hijacked the ship, and kidnapped me, and all that great stuff. Now, Jack..." He turned to his friend. "I'm really glad I got to see you...i'll call you later, okay." he turned back to vala. "Come on." They started to make their wait out of the commissary.

"Whoa, Danny!" Jack, to Daniel's dismay, followed. "I don't have to be anywhere just yet. I'd like to talk more with this Vala." He pushed his friend out from beside to woman.

"Now, is it true that you beat the crap out of him?" Jack asked.

"Okay, now I'm truly surprised he told you about THAT." Vala said. "I mean, i did do some damage to his ego, as a man, that is." Daniel looked back from where he walking in front of them, sending her a glare before turning it on Jack.

"Jack, I don't think she needs to know how you found out. Just that you did." he smiled sweetly at the man.

"No, Daniel. If the lady wants to know, i'll tell her."

The three reached the door to Vala's quarters, the not so useful guard of hers not far behind. Daniel swiped his card, and opened the door. He walked into the middle of the room, and turned to see Vala jumping on the bed, resting on her stomach, feet up in the air. Jack leaned on the wall by the door, hands in his pockets.

"Who says she even wants to know?" Daniel asked, still playing it calm.

"Oh, i want to know, come on, Jack, tell me." Vala pleaded. Daniel refrained from sticking his tongue out at her.

"Well," Jack pushed off the wall, and walked up to Daniel, placing his arm around the archaeologist shoulders. "It took a little work, but..."

"Ha! Work? You cheated." Daniel looked at Jack out of the corner of his eye.

"Hey, you know better than to do it. Unless you really wanted to talk about your experience, which you obviously did, because.." Jack patted his shoulder.

"Because what?" Vala asked after the short silence. She was intrigued by the relationship between the two men before her.

Jack smiled as Daniel hung his head, and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Because good Danny boy drank almost an entire bottle of Jack Daniel's before he spilled." Jack noticed Vala's confused look.

"Jack...Daniel's?" She asked.

"Booze, my fair lady. Daniel was drunk when he told me." Jack could feel Daniel's glare on him.

"Oh, really?" Vala shot off the bed. "Did he tell you anything else?" She asked sweetly, sauntering up to the two.


"Jack..." Daniel pushed out of his arm, and walked over to the bed, sitting down.

"What?" Vala asked. "What did he say?" Vala looked between the two.

"Its not important. I was very wasted." Daniel laughed at the memory. "I wasn't in my right mind." He thought he found his out from his little "confession" to Jack.

"Oh, Daniel. Please." Jack rocked on his heels. He was so enjoying this."Lord knows your nothin, if more coherent, at least, mind wise, when your jacked up." He looked at Vala. "Coherent, mind you, not coordinated. Though, his inner man really comes out." He tried to suppress the laugh as Daniel physically cringed with embarrassment.

"Well then, what did he say?" Vala never let the question slip from her mind.

"He said he'd do you in second." Jack smile widened as daniel's icy glare shot through him. That's not the exact words he'd used that night. Infact, Daniel had adamantly showed his DISTASTE in this Vala character.

"I did not!" Daniel fired back.

"Daniel, don't worry. I know your no good in bed ANYWAYS." Vala walked over to him. This statement caught Jack by surprise. Though, by Daniel's face, he knew they never actually did it.

"Daniel! You dog!"

"Would you two stop!" he stated, exasperated.

"Now Daniel, don't get pissy." Vala ran a finger down his arm.

"Why do you insist on touching me all the time!" He shot up from the bed, and went to stand next to Jack. "If i'm so horrible in bed, why flirt with me?" He'd obviously regained his composure.

"Touché." Jack whispered to him.

"Daniel, Daniel. Don't kid yourself. " Vala laid seductively on the bed, never missing a beat. "I only banged you for your looks. Now, you brought me back to this room in such a hurry. What did you have in mind?"

"You both are perverted!" Daniel sighed.

"Well, apparently, so are you when given alcohol." Vala sat up a little. "Wouldn't happen to have any one you, Jack. I could really get this show on the road if you did."

"No, not at the moment, but, i'm sure.."

"Okay, i'm leaving." Daniel cut him off, and turned to leave, He'd had enough teasing for this lifetime.

"Daniel! You gonna leave me disappointed again. No surprise." Vala sighed, following dramatically back onto the bed.

"Danny, now, don't let me ruin you two love birds romance." Jack looked at his friend, who had halted in his tracks. He looked at his watch. "I should be going anyways. Gotta head off Mitchell for that surprise."

"Jack..." Daniel could already see the mans wheels were turning.

"No, no, Daniel. You were right. Quite a piece of work. " Jack patted his friends back. He looked at Vala. "You two make a lovely couple. I see you make him VERY HAPPY, and i'm pleased. Call me, and let me know when the wedding is."

"Oh, don't worry, i will." Vala winked at him.

"I'm sure." Daniel grumbled to himself.

"What was that?" his two tormentors said in unison.

"Nothing." He answered sweetly.

"Right, well, i'm off." Jack made for the door. He could see out of the corner of his eye, Vala walk up to Daniel, and wrap her arm around his waste.

"Its been a pleasure, Jack." Vala answered.

"Jaaaaack..." Daniel had the warning to his tone, the one that meant Jack had hell to pay later on. He didn't care. He couldn't pass up this opportunity.

"Daniel, i know." He turned to the two. "I won't tell her that you really are horrible in bed when drunk."

"Oh, your so dead!" Daniel yelled through the now closed door that he was on the wrong side of. He pushed Vala away from him. "Get off me." He looked to her. She had a smug smile on her face.

"You were checkin out his ass!" Daniel declared. Vala looked up surprised.

"Wha-? Who? Me? NO!" Daniel gave her a scrutinizing look. "Well, it IS NICE!"

Daniel rolled his eyes."Okay. I'm outta here!"

He got to the door, and opened. But, the useless guard was blocking his exit.

"Let me pass, please." he said in an exhausted tone. The two had worn him out, mentally.

"Sorry, Sir. But, General O'Neill ordered me to have you stay. Says it will be good for you."

"Ofcourse he did!" Daniel slammed the door in the airman's face, a mixed look of mock calm, and annoyance on his face. "Now the idiot follows orders." Daniel mumbled to the closed door. Turning, he saw Vala smiling sweetly at him.

From down the corridor, Jack O'Neill had a broad smile on his face as he heard the angered "JAAAACK!" coming his way. ' Ah, i'm really going to miss this place!' he thought.

The End

A/N:UNCUT is good, ain't it!Well! What did you think! Please, review...i like my review very much. Thanx!