Summary: "When I look inside you, I see me". A KateSawyer fic.
Disclaimer: I do not own Lost.
Note: I have only seen up to 1x8 "Confidence Man" (how about that kiss huh!). This takes place sometime after that.
It would have been an unbearably hot, humid day, but the breeze from the sea made it tolerable. Kate sat, knees drawn to her chin, deep in thought, her eyes unseeing, her ears blocking out the distant hum of the camp. She had removed herself slightly from the others, both physically and emotionally. She didn't want to deal with the others; they would look to her, as they had looked to Jack, to Sayid, to guide them, to be their leader. Kate couldn't do that. She only knew how to look after herself.
Relations with Jack had been strained, even more so than the camp divide had, by the actions of the past week. Her kiss with Sawyer was the main reason, she knew. Jack had found out (he always did) and had been disappointed, but to Kate it seemed he wasn't so much disappointed in the kiss than he was disappointed in her. Kate felt this disappointment like a weight on her shoulders. He had always had high expectations of her. Too high. Unrealistic. She could never be the person Jack wants her to be. Part of her thinks that Jack thinks that she's not good enough for him, not yet. And part of her feels irritated, angry, because he's trying to mould her into someone she isn't. And she knows that she's broken, but she's never asked to be fixed. Doesn't want to be. Because she knows she can't. But Jack doesn't know that. And he doesn't understand. Not even Kate understands fully.
The only person she thinks could come close to comprehending is Sawyer. No matter how hard Kate tries to push him away, no matter how much his actions disgust her, no matter how much he pushes her, he doesn't expect her to be anything except the person she is.
Kate's attracted to him. Undeniably. Although, of course, it is denied. In his sick, twisted little world, did he go through all that to get a kiss from her? Kate knows Sawyer's in love with pain, and maybe that's why he only ever looks at her in that way. Sawyer hates the person he has become, what he did, how he doesn't deserve anything, and Kate can identify with that.
His total indifference to his life scares her; even though she's been through hell and back, her desire to live is what has sustained her on the run, whilst Sawyer's mission has caused him to run from his life, and Kate can see the bitterness, the resentment he feels towards himself.
Her reverie broken, she looked up at Michael, who had run up the beach, sweat glistening on his face.
"We're running out of fresh water. Do you think you could go get some? Since Charlie and Claire have gone to the caves and Sayid's gone we're down three people. I'd go myself but me and Walt are strengthening the tent, to try and make the beach a bit more habitable."
"Yeah, I'll go now. I was getting restless anyway."
"Really? Because, no offence, you seem quite happy just sitting and staring."
"I think I've done enough of that."
Kate stood up slowly, brushing the golden sand off her. She walked over to the tent, where she grabbed a large holdall and filled it with empty water bottles. Walt was sitting inside, reading a comic.
"Hey." Walt grinned, all teeth. "You seen my dad? He said we were gonna do the place up a bit."
"Yeah, he's on his way."
Walt went back to his comic and Kate headed out, smiling at Walt as she left.
Poor kid, she thought. Stuck on a desert island with no one his own age.
As she left the tent, she was so deep in her own thoughts, she never noticed Sawyer, and brushed past him when he held her shoulder, forcing her to stop.
"Where you goin', sweet cheeks?" he drawled, lazily chewing on a cigarette.
"Caves. We need fresh water," she replied brusquely.
"Water, water everywhere and not a drop to drink," Sawyer recited, grinning ironically. "Well, what do you know, that sounds like fun. Gearing up for a tiff with lover boy?" His blue eyes glinted mischievously, reminding Kate all too suddenly of a Sawyer, tied up, tortured, but with the same look in his eyes as she had leaned in to kiss him. Why was it that the most electrifying kiss I've ever had had to come from him?
Obviously Sawyer had been thinking the same thing, because he openly leered at her, and she turned, disgusted.
"Go to hell, Sawyer."
"Aw, Freckles, did I hit a nerve? Or were you thinking of our little rendez-vous? Wouldn't blame you. I bet when Jack found out about it his skin must have crawled. Saving the world, but not getting the girl. That must have hurt. He's gotta learn though. He can't have everything."
"No one is getting me. I'm not something to be had."
Sawyer acted nonchalantly as he spoke. "So how come you got the hots for the Doc? Apart from being a doctor, I mean."
"I don't have time for this." Kate turned to walk away when Sawyer spoke again.
"You weren't thinking of him when we kissed were you?" Kate thought she detected some vulnerability in his tone but his face was impassive.
"I was thinking of Shannon if you must know."
When Sawyer's lips curled upward she couldn't help smiling too. Sawyer saw Kate try to hide it and raised his eyebrow.
"Not like that, you pig."
"Freckles, I just want you to know I have nothing against any girl on girl action. Don't be shy."
Kate rolled her eyes. Sawyer grinned, loving the cat and mouse games they played, teasing each other, aggressive, potent. And hell, Freckles ain't that bad to look at either. He delightedly took in her lithe form, how relaxed she seemed when they were arguing good-naturedly. Kate and him, they were similar. Not identical, but he could tell that she had a dark past. She wasn't like the other girls, and even though he hated clichés, it was true. Doc couldn't handle her, that was for sure, she was a wild spirit and he a straight lace. And the sooner she realised that the better. Sawyer didn't (couldn't, wouldn't) care about love and all that crap, but Kate was the only one on this island he could stand, and that meant something, although he didn't know what apart from that he wanted her more than he had wanted other girls.
Sawyer swaggered closer to her. Kate taken aback by the sudden intensity in his eyes, stepped back involuntarily, until her back felt the hard bark where he had pinned her to a tree, her wrist captured in his hand, pressed high against the trunk. A stray lock of blonde hair fell over his face, casting a slight shadow. He could hear her breath, shallow, harsh, ragged, and he leaned a little closer, pleased that he could excite this reaction out of her. He looked into the detail in her face, her moss green eyes, the grey flecks within them, the freckles spread over her nose and cheeks in a fine smattering. He leaned closer still, tracing her lips with his eyes.
Fear and excitement and intrigue and desire ran though Kate's mind.
Kate meant it to come out as a warning, to stop this, it was too fast, but the breathy sigh that came out did nothing to dissuade him.
Sawyer closed the gap between them, roughly capturing her lips. His lips finally got to do what his eyes had been doing, tracing the contours of her mouth. Kate soon could no longer stand this teasing and with her free hand she grabbed his neck and pulled his mouth closer still. Her tongue slipped into his mouth with no resistance, and soon the two were wrestling with their tongues for dominance. Neither one were the type to back down.
Mmmm…such a firecracker. I knew it. Sawyer crowed in his mind, immersing himself in the experience.
He slid his hands down the length of her body, brushing the sides of her breasts, and finally cupping her ass.
"Sweet cheeks it is," Sawyer mumbled, kissing down the length of her neck, grinning at the sound of her soft, ragged moans.
Kate's eyes were unfocused as she lost herself in the moment. In the distance Walt and Vincent were running around, paying them no attention, but this was enough to startle Kate. She unceremoniously pushed Sawyer off her.
Sawyer was more than a little offended, but he still took a moment to admire the view. Flushed, her chest heaving, with obvious signs of their passionate embrace, he admired his handiwork.
"What's got you riled all of a sudden?"
Whilst his exterior exuded confidence and arrogance his heart still thudded as he offhandedly asked "Not thinking of the Doc right?"
When Kate didn't answer, her eyes glazed as she stared into the distance he repeated more harshly "Right?"
"No," Kate whispered. "I never thought of him at all."
She looked up at him though thick dark eyelashes, as if this was supposed to mean a damn thing to him. And it did.
Swallowing, she stepped away from Sawyer. Around him, she felt everything she vowed she'd never allow herself to feel. More than just passion. It was too confusing. She needed space.
"I need to go get the water."
"Go on then. I sure as hell ain't stopping you Freckles."
She paused, and turned.
"What, to watch the Doc mooning over you? That's just embarrassing. Although on second thoughts…" He looked pointedly at her neck, at the purplish mark that couldn't be disguised as anything else. He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. "…maybe it'll be fun."
Kate rolled her eyes and headed off alone. Sawyer whipped out a cigarette and lit it, smirking at the brunette's agitation.
One word floated back at him.
Sawyer grinned and shook his head.
Please review if you've got this far!
Regarding Here at the End, at the moment it is only intended to be a one shot. And for those of you who were confused, that was my first Lost fanfic, not my first one ever. I've written some O.C. fic as well. Sorry to put this here, but I wasn't sure where else to put it! Once again, review! This will be multi chaptered, so more reviews, more inspiration to write more!