A/N: There's practically no Joey/Alex fanfiction around, and I heard this song, so I thought I'd write one.
Disclaimer: I don't own Joey or Alex. They belong to the creators of the shows Friends and Joey. The bolded lyrics aren't mine either. They belong to the Backstreet Boys, and their new CD Never Gone.
Joey thinks that it shouldn't be like this. He's sitting up on some cliff overlooking the ocean. For the life of him, he can't remember the name of it. But she said it was her favorite place in all of LA, so that's why he is here.
He's holding in his hands the urn. It's beautiful. Intricate cravings and so many different colors adorn it. But looking at it he feels heartbroken. He can't understand how in the world something so beautiful could make him think of such sadness.
"It was never supposed to be like this," he thinks. "We were supposed to be forever." Slowly, with an aching heart, he opens the lid to the urn.
Looking at your picture from when we first met
You gave me a smile that I could never forget
He remembers when he first met her. Sure, he had told himself that she was hot, when really, it was more than that. She was beautiful. And it hurt him to find out she was married.
But that hurt subsided, and somehow he built a friendship with her. In the back of his mind, he always thought he wanted more than just friendship from her, but he always pushed those thoughts away. He took what he got, and her friendship meant the world to him.
And nothing I could do could protect me from you that night
Then it happened. Not under the best circumstances mind you. But they happened none the less. She was heartbroken over her divorce, he from the loss of Sara. Somehow, they found comfort in each other. He remembered waking up in the morning, terrified that maybe this would be a mistake to her. But it wasn't. She didn't want to forget about it anymore than he did.
He reached inside the urn, taking a fistful of Alex's ashes in his hand. The wind blows by, and he opens his fist, letting them blow away.
Yeah, you and I were everything, everything to me
He remembered the first time he told her he loved her. He had always known he loved her for a while, but he wanted the first time he told her to be absolutely perfect. Of course, it hadn't worked out quite the way he wanted, but it was perfect none the less.
They had been doing laundry, of all things. She was laughing as he told her a joke, watching her neatly fold the clothes. And all of a sudden, the words had tumbled out of his mouth. She had jerked her head up, looking at him, with a look of surprise and shock on her face. Normally, he would have run, or made something up about how that's not what he said. But it was her, and she was different. So he repeated the words, and she smiled. Her smile lit up the room, and she told him she loved him too.
He reaches in and pulls out some more of her ashes, and lets them blow away. He wishes that the memory of the night she died wasn't so strong. But it is. And he can't help but remember.
All the doors are closing I'm tryin' to move ahead
And deep inside I wish it's me instead
My dreams are empty from the day, the day you slipped away
They had known the end was coming for a while. There was nothing that they could do for the cancer anymore, the doctors had said. There was nothing they could do but wait.
And so they did. For two months, before she passed. Joey always believed that she had known that night that when she woke up, she would be gone.
"Hey Joey?" she had asked him.
"Remember me, okay? When I'm gone. Remember that I love you, always and forever Joey. And don't… don't live the rest of your life as a hermit, okay? Move on, there are plenty of ladies out there who could use some 'Joey love'." A small smile lined her face, but it was tarnished with the tears coming from her eyes.
"Alex, I could never forget you. Never. You'll always be it Alex. I love you so much. So much." He said, reaching for her hand, tears falling from his face as well.
Her eyes began to close, "I'll be there y'know. When you live out your life and join me in heaven, I'll be there. The first face you see will be me. I love you Joey."
"I love you too Alex." He said, and her eyes closed for the final time.
Her ashes are almost gone. He grabs the rest of them from the urn, but holds them tight in his fist for a long time. If he lets them go, then she won't be there. It will be the final nail in the coffin.
I just want you to know that I've been fighting to let you go
He had never imagined a pain like this before. Sure, he had played the part of the heartbroken boyfriend before, but that was just acting. This was real.
And it hurt. It was like someone had reached inside, and squeezed his heart so tightly that it should have burst. But it didn't, and so he was just left there with the pain.
He could barely remember the funeral. Not that it really mattered anyway. He didn't want to remember the horrible heartache. Not that it really even seemed to go away.
He closes his eyes, and opens his fist. He watches as the last of her ashes fly off into the wind.
"Goodbye Alex." He whispers, as fresh tears fall. He looks down the cliff. He can jump down, and be with her forever, right then. But he won't jump. He has to keep on living, for her. Because it's what she would have wanted. And all he's ever wanted to do is give her what she wanted.
I just want you to know
That I've been fighting to let you go
Some days I make it through and then there's nights that never end
I wish that I could believe that there's a day you'll come back to me
But still I have to say I would do it all again
Just want you to know