He normally stayed away from feelings. He didn't like how they made him feel. Strange concept but it was true. Sure some lead to being happy but others just hurt. He had been hurt enough times before, he didn't need for it to happen again. It was better, in his mind, to avoid all feelings, good or bad.
After the first time he told another boy he liked him, he had a black eye for two weeks and a sprained wrist. It was a mistake he had promised himself never to repeat. The pain and humiliation had been bad enough when it had happened, he did not need to feel that way when something reminded him of the incident.
It was fine; he was good at not remembering that day. Then all of that changed when he was stationed at Blood Gulch and then he met him.
He was… words just didn't come to mind. The way he talked made him feel, which was bad enough, everything. The worst was when he looked at him. When that happened he remembered that day long ago.
The first time that memory was triggered by the sight of him was more painful than when the memory had happened.
The boy was taller than him by half a head. Most of the other boys were, he had always been short for his age. The boy had dark blond hair that curled slightly and deep brown eyes. Just the sight of this boy made his stomach do a flip.
It was lunch and the boy was alone. He had thought it would have been okay to tell the boy then. How wrong he was…
He walked up to the boy and told the boy how he felt about the boy. That he liked the boy. There was a silence then pain as the boy hit him.
Once it was all over and he went home with a black eye. When his parents found out what happened it was worse. One's parents were suppose to help you with these kind of things, not sent you to the hospital with a sprained wrist.
After that day, he knew no one would know so when he showed up, it became very hard to fallow through with he plan.
In fact that promise he made was very quickly falling a part.
He was so… so… He didn't know how to say it. Never before had he looked at men that were the complete opposite of himself. Everything about him was different. The way he talked was softer, sometimes slower and much more timid than the way he talked. He was bold, rash, some times harsh and every once in a while what he said was down right mean. The way he acted was almost foolish and every once in a while comical. On the flip side, he never was silly in any way; acting with direction and intent was one of the things that drove him, that kept him going.
He did not know if he truly loved him but he knew there was lust. For his body and childish mind. Once he had seen him when he was changing and the image was not something he was going to forget or want to forget any time soon.
Church looked up, startled by Caboose's presents. The blue armored solider looked a little unsure about bugging Church. This was understandable; Caboose never faired will when he disturbed Church.
Under normal circumstances, Church would have already had ten things to say to the rookie, eight of which would have been mean and scathing. Strangely enough, he didn't. He had been thinking of his feeling toward his fellow team mate in a way that just didn't let him think of anything to say.
"What is it, Caboose?"
The rookie hesitated before asking in a voice so quiet Church had to lean a little closer to hear him, "Where is the crock pot?"
Even this display of idiocy was not enough to make him snap at Caboose. At him. "We don't have one any more. You traded it for that mystery box, remember?"
"Oh… Yeah." A pause. "Thank you any ways, Church." Caboose started to walk away then he turned back and added quickly, "Thank you for not yelling at me, Church."
"No problem, rookie." Church watched him wander back the way he came. Part way back to the base, Caboose was distracted by a passing butterfly and started to chase after it. Normally this behavior would have made him start to scream at Caboose but now was different.
Now he let himself feel feelings that he had kept at bay for years. The good with the bad.