Rangiku + Advice Catastrophe

Chapter 1

Hinamori walked swiftly towards the tenth division. Nobody found this out of place as she was known to be a close friend of the tenth division captain, Hitsugaya Toshirou, the shortest captain alive in Gotei-13.

This time, however, Hinamori didn't want to see Hitsaguya. She wanted to see his vice captain, Matsumoto Rangiku, the gossip loving blond with one of the biggest chest in Soul Society. Hinamori carefully planned this visit when Hitsugaya was on a mission to locate a missing Shunsui who apparently got lost after chugging down nine bottles of sake.

Rangiku was having the time of her life. Her dear captain, who had did not know the meaning of the word 'fun' and whose life mission was to protect Hinamori from the slightest thing that could possibly cause her danger, including sewing (Hinamori was forbidden to sew ever since Hitaguya read 'The Sleeping Beauty' when he got stuck babysitting Yachiru) was on a mission! Now, nobody could stop her from drinking all the sake she wants and slacking off.

Hinamori knocked the door softly, "Err, Rangiku-san, may I come in?"

"Sure," answered a mildly surprised Rangiku "What's up, Hinamori-chan? Taichou's on a mission. I thought you knew that."

For some reason, Hinamori, flushed and looked down. "I-I do," she answered "I just wanted to ask you something, that's all."

"Ask away," replied Rangiku, amused. Hinamori looked so red that Rangiku already had a pretty good guess at what she wanted to ask.

"Err...it's that…I –erm- I like Hitsugaya-kun!" stammered a Hinamori, blushing furiously.

Bingo, thought Rangiku before she burst into helpless laughter. Hinamori gazed at Rangiku reproachfully. Rangiku motioned her to go on as she was laughing to hard to say anything.

"It-it's just that I don't think h-he feels the same way," Hinamori went on "What should I do, Rangiku-san?"

Rangiku grinned evilly. Now it was pay back time for all the hard work her taichou made her do. "I'll help you win his heart, Hinamori-chan," she declared.

Hinamori's eyes lit up. "R-really?"

"Well, duh, you already won his heart a long time ago," Rangiku didn't say. Instead, she grinned and said, "Of course. Leave it to me!"

For some odd reason, Hitsaguya felt uneasy. It was a deep feeling of dread. Something bad was going to happen. You see, a shinigami informed him that Hinamori-fukutaichou had visited Matsumoto-fukutaichou during his mission. From past experiences, he knew everything that had to do with his air headed vice captain was never good.

"Oi, Matsumoto. Why the hell did Hinomori come to visit the tenth division when she knew perfectly well I was on a mission?" Hitsaguya demanded.

"Oh, she just wanted some advice," Rangiku replied, trying to sound offhand. "You know, girl talk."

Hitsaguya's worst fears had been confirmed. One thing he had learned the painful way was that Rangiku + advice catastrophe. He had learned his lesson when he just got elected captain of the tenth division. That time, he was unbelievably naïve. Rangiku had given him an advice on how to grow taller faster: stand naked in front of the mirror every morning and chant, "Look how gorgeously tall my body is" twenty times.

Unfortunately, Hinamori had barged into his room during one of those rituals. She had nightmares over that for a week. Hitsaguya didn't actually believe Rangiku in the first place. It was just at that time, he was desperate to grow taller because Hinamori always raved on how tall Aizen taichou was.

"And what exactly did she want you to advice her on?" probed Hitsugaya, apprehensively.

"I can't tell you," replied Rangiku, cheerfully "It's a secret."

Hitsugaya fumed. He was Hinamori's best friend! She didn't have to go to the irritating, air headed and completely irrational vice captain of his for advice.

"Fine," said Hitsugaya, coldly "It's not like I'm interested in some shallow minded piece of gossip anyway."

"Oh, yes you are, taichou," thought Rangiku, smugly.

The next day, Hitsugaya trudged into his office moodily. There was a huge pile of paperwork on his desk. Just as he thought his day couldn't get any worse, he overheard the conversation of two shinigamis who were passing his office.

"Whoa, I didn't know Hinamori-fukutaichou had such a nice body," exclaimed one, with a thoroughly perverted look on his face.

"Me neither," replied the other shinigami "I'm guessing she's a C-cup. What do you think?"

Those poor souls did not know that they had just marched into their doom. The temperature dropped to nearly eight degrees. Hitsugaya's eyes twitched. He had to find Hinamori fast before she became a prey to those perverts. Before he left though, he made absolutely sure that those two unfortunate shinigamis were paralyzed for at least a week.

Hinamori glanced around nervously. There was a gaggle of male shinigamis drooling around her. She gave a sudden squeal when one of them "accidentally" tripped and clutched at her for support.

"TAKE YOUR HANDS OFF HER YOU DISGUSTING PERVERTS!" roared an infuriated Hitsaguya. In mere seconds, half the male population in Gotei-13 was either lying on the ground with broken arms and legs or frozen. The other three quarters ran away screaming shrilly. The remaining one quarter were wise enough not to mess with Hinamori in the first place due to past experiences.

"Are you all right?" Hitsugaya asked Hinamori, concerned. Then, he realized why three quarters of the male population of shinigamis were drooling over Hinamori. She wore her shinigami robe with the front nearly half opened. Hitsugaya gaped, "H-Hinamori! Your robe! It-it's-"

Hitsugaya blushed deeply and looked away. Hinamori was mortified in embarrassment. "So that's why those scary guys were staring at me!" she thought in shame. Rangiku had told her to do that. She said it was to "catch taichou's eyes". Well, it didn't work. Hitsugaya was looking everywhere else but her.

"Gomenasai! I-I didn't know it came loose," explained Hinamori, lamely "Arigatou, Shirou-chan."

"No problem," replied Hitsugaya, gruffly "And don't call me shirou-chan!"

Hinamori giggled, "But Hitsugaya-taichou sounds weird. It doesn't suit you at all. Shirou-chan sounds cute!"

"I don't want to sound cute!" muttered Hitsugaya, flushing "I want to sound intimidating and impressive! Like Hitsugaya-sama or something."

"Ok!" replied Hinamori, before walking away "From now on, you're Shirou-sama!"

"OI!" roared Hitsugaya. Hinamori just laughed and walked away. As soon as Hinamori was out of sight, Hitsugaya muttered, "At least Shirou-same sounds better than Shirou-chan."