Once again, i would like to thank all my reviewers for putting up with my story! Cheers!
Hitsugaya growled in frustration. Somehow, the entire Gotei-13 had found out about the fiasco of a meeting. This was mainly due to the editor of the Shinagami Gossip Weekly who gleefully took the opportunity to humiliate the tenth division captain for breaking his arms and legs.
After Hinamori got over her raging fury, she felt extremely embarrassed for her actions at the captains meeting. "I don't know what came over me!" she berated herself, inwardly. "What do the captains think of me now? What does Hitsugaya-kun think of me?"
Luckily, Hitsugaya was not concentrating much on what he was thinking of Hinamori. He was more occupied with his shattered reputation than to worry who shattered it in the first place. Sniggers could be heard throughout the entire Gotei-13, loud exclamations could be heard about how they always knew the "Hitsugaya kid" was a little on the odd side and all the males in Gotei-13 were avoiding him (except the captains who couldn't resist a chance to tease the cocky captain) for some strange reason Hitsugaya did not know and did not want to know.
Mayuri was not helping much when he presented Hitsugaya with the obviously recently made Iron Boobs with great flourish in front of the entire tenth division! Ignoring Hitsugaya's vehement yell of protest and denial, Mayuri proceeded to graphically explain every single uncomfortable detail of the "machine".
"See here, although it's made of iron, I added some chemical so it would be nice and soft-"
"NO! I DON"T WANT-"
"Ah, so you want it hard? Well, that can also be arranged-"
"I DO NOT CARE IF THAT THING IS HARD OR SOFT! I JUST WANT IT OUT OF MY OFFICE AND-"
"So you prefer to wear it outside your office. It is up to you where you want to wear it. Now listen, it would be rather heavy because I added two galleons of milk in it and-"
"I DON'T GIVE A DAMN HOW MANY GALLEONS OF MILK IT CONTAINS BECAUSE I AM NOT GOING TO WEAR THAT THING-"
"I knew you wouldn't wear it unless it containedmore than five galleons of milk. Not to worry though, you can add as much milk as you like-"
"FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! JUST GET THE HELL OUT, YOU OLD GEEZER!"
"All right, I can see you are very eager for me to get out so you can put it on-"
"ARGH! HOW MANY TIMES MUST I TELL YOU BRAINLESS OLD GEEZERS THAT I-DO-NOT-WANT-TO-HAVE-TWO-USELESS-LUMPS-OF-FLESH-ON-MY-CHEST!"
"Ah, but its two lumps of metal,"
Hitsugaya gave it up and literally kicked Mayuri out of the tenth division along with the iron boobs. The entire tenth division stared in awe at their enraged captain. They had never seen their uptight scary captain yell like that apart from the memorable day with Ichigo-taichou. Some were already taking down notes. Oh, what a wonderful day the editor of Shinigami Gossip Weekly was going to have the next day.
Rangiku giggled in glee as she watched the entire episode of her dear captain's grief. She smiled in satisfaction. Serves him right from shrinking her precious treasures! Thank goodness Unohana knew how to reverse the shrinking process! So, much to the jubilee of the Matsumoto Rangiku's Fan Club, Rangiku's two large mountains were restored completely into its normal size and shape. No more squared chest for The Goddess of Sake!
Hitsugaya groaned. "Oh no, here comes that snobby oh-so-dignified-and-perfect old geezer wearing his oh-so-elegant hair nets" Hitsugaya thought, darkly as Byakuya approached him. No doubt he was going to give the now cranky tenth division captain (who had been skillfully avoiding him all morning) a righteous lecture about setting a good example on the other shinigamis.
The desperate white haired captain looked for an escape route but he was caged between the fifth division and the approaching Byakuya. Hitsugaya would rather face a thousand lecturing Byakuyas complete with hair nets rather than to face Hinamori again. Swearing silently, (he did not want to give Byakuya another reason to lecture him) Hitsugaya berated himself for coming through this route. Oh why couldn't he have gone through another way?
"Hitsugaya-taichou," greeted Byakuya, stiffly.
"Kuchiki-taichou," nodded Hitsugaya, coldly. Despite his calm and cool appearance, he was praying fervently for a miracle.
"I can't help but to notice your unique interest-"
"Sure you can't," thought Hitsugaya, scowling inwardly.
"–it may cause some undesirable influence on the other shinigamis."
"I doubt any shinigami would follow 'myinfluence' ," replied Hitsugaya, icily.
"Ah, but you will be surprised how easily swayed they are by the bad influence their captains," stated Byakuya, smoothly "Just look at the appalling state of the eleventh division. All because of that bloodthirsty peasant of a captain-"
"Then I'm surprised that none of the shinigamis in your division wear hair nets yet," answered Hitsugaya, so politely that it took Byakuya several seconds to register that he had been universally insulted.
"Respect your elders, kid," snapped Byakuya, trying unsuccessfully to cover the flush on his face.
Hitsugaya grinned, "Certainly, old geezer."
"Have I failed to mention that the shinigamis in the tenth division are as impertinent as their captain?" Byakuya said, glaring at Hitsugaya.
"Have I failed to mention that the shinigamis of the sixth division have as terrible hair styles as their captain?" Hitsugaya replied, glaring back.
The shinigamis unfortunate enough to pass by shivered visibly under the combined strain of the famous Hitsugaya's Death Rattle Glare and the equally famous Byakuya's Remove-This-Peasant-From-My Sight Glare.
"Um, sorry to interrupt, Kuchiki-taichou, but it's time for your appointment," mumbled a brave soul.
Byakuya frowned at the thought of leaving an unfinished battle but more important things came first. Not wanting Hitsugaya to have the last words he turned majestically to face the glaring young captain.
"I'm afraid I must take my leave," Byakuya said in a tone a princess would use to excuse herself from a tea party. "I have more important matters to deal with other than wasting my time on an insolent, sad excuse of a captain."
Triumphantly, the sixth division captain turned to leave, certain that he had won this round.
"Going to an appointment with your hair dresser?" Hitsugaya smirked. Byakuya stumbled slightly. Curse the impertinence of the boy! But what really made Byakuya so furious was because Hitsugaya was absolutely right.
Rangiku lazed around her captain's office. It seemed her plan had worked wonderfully.
"Looks as though I have won the battle," Rangiku grinned to herself. She basically made the same mistake as Byakuya had: underestimating Hitsugaya.
Unohana chuckled slightly. Hitsugaya had just paid a rather interesting visit to the fourth division. She was rather taken aback at his odd request. She righteously refused at first but then Hitsugaya made a bargain she couldn't possibly refuse. He promised that he wouldnot massacre more than five people a week (which was really something as he usually butchered at least eighty people a week for "hurting Hinamori")
Unohana might have still resisted the temptation if Hitsugaya hadn't craftily added, "The less time you spend tending patients, the more time you get to spend with that maniac Zaraki."
Unohana agreed at once.
Hitsugaya planned everything carefully. He made a quick stop at the sixth division before hurrying back to his own division. After he had finished with all the "preparations", Hitsugaya smirked to himself, "Let the show begin!"
Rangiku strolled wearily into her captain's office. Her evil captain had just sent her running round the entire Gotei-13 doing errands. Suddenly, she spotted an unopened bottle of sake on the table. She eagerly reached for it. Just what she needed!
Rangiku hesitated for a while and wondered aloud," Is this another trick?" she sniffed the sake suspiciously "It smells alright though, and taichou can't possibly use the same trick twice."
She chugged down the whole bottle without another thought. Almost at once, she felt dizzy and passed out on the floor.
Byakuya sighed tiredly as he sank into his chair. Curse the incompetence of his division! He had gone to Rukongai for less than an hour to get his hair washed, treated and curled and what happens? The entire sixth division was in total chaos. The shinigamis were fighting and bawling at each other in a manner that would have made the eleventh division proud.
Of course he calmly inquired what on earth was going on (with an aura of death swirling around him) and the peasants actually had the nerve to tell him an extremely atrocious sad excuse of an excuse of which he decided his ears too delicate to listen. So, he gave a dignified (but lengthy) lecture about upholding the honor of the sixth division and the pride of a shinigami.
Needless to say, Byakuya was exhausted. He looked around his office and to his surprise, spotted a cup of his favorite fragrant tea on his desk.
"Probably from one of my adoring fans," Byakuya thought as he daintily sipped the tea. As soon as he drained the very last drop of tea, he suddenly felt dizzy and fainted.
Both Rangiku and Byakuya woke up at the same time. They both noticed something was wrong, very wrong, straight away.
"Was I somehow promoted while I was knocked out?" Rangiku wondered, incredulous, inspecting her captains' robes.
At the same time, Byakuya was dubiously speculating, "Was I somehow demoted while I was knocked out?" He inspected his normal plain black robes with the vice captains' insignia.
Then, they realized the horrible truth and a few seconds after that, shinigamis on duty had to endure the deafening La Banshee Symphony as both Byakuya and Rangiku screamed in unison in high pitch, "AAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Rangiku stared wide eyed at her body. At any other circumstances she would have suspected her that her captain used the boob-shrinking-potion again. Now, Rangiku felt as though she would rather take the potion then to suffer what she was suffering now. She dashed to the nearest mirror.
Byakuya stared wide eyed at his body. Only, he was pretty sure it wasn't his body unless some crazy healer from the fourth division had inserted implants into hischest while he was knocked out because he certainly did not remember to humongous mountains on his chest the last time he checked. He hurried towards the nearest mirror.
Much to the horror of the shinigamis on duty, the deafening La Banshee Symphony replayed in an even higher pitch as both Byakuya and Rangiku discovered that they had switched bodies!
Hitsugaya heard the "melody" and smirked evilly. So, it finally begins.
Rangiku stared in terror into the mirror (the recently cracked mirror) "What the hell!" she burst out then she clutched her throat. It was Kuchiki Byakuya's voice! After she calmed down a bit, she scowled at the white "hair nets" on her now black hair, "It's so bloody uncomfortable! Jeez, it looks terrible!"
Renji had entered just in time to hear his "captain" curse the hair accessory. He widened his eyes. He never heard his captain curse his beloved hair nets before and he never heard his captain curse for that matter. Shaking his head, Renji concluded that either the hair nets were cutting the circulation from his captain's brain or it was the end of the world. Quietly, the vice captain slipped out side, pinching himself hard.
Byakuya gawked at the mirror. "What is the meaning of this!" he demanded, as if his reflection could give him some answers. His chest felt strangely heavy and no wonder, with those watermelons hanging on. At that moment, Hitsugaya came striding in.
"Oi, Matsumoto, go get me some tea," Hitsugaya smirked, knowing exactly who he was talking to.
"What?" Byakuya asked, shocked. "How dare you ask me to get tea for the likes of you?"
"Go get me some tea, Matsumoto," Hitsugaya emphasized the last word. He was enjoying himself, ordering Byakuya around.
Byakuya fumed inwardly. His pride would not allow him to succumb and bring tea for the impudent brat nor would it allow him to announce who he really was, knowing well that the brat would be the last one in Gotei-13 to offer sympathy and understanding to his current condition. The brazen child would probably find his dilemma deeply amusing.
Hitsugaya grinned evilly. He knew exactly what Byakuya was debating inwardly.
Rangiku was in despair. The sixth division has got to be the most boring division in Gotei-13. No manga, no gossip and worst of all, no sake. At least in the tenth division, she knew where her private sake stash was and she could drink freely, knowing her captain had given up long ago to try to discipline her.
At that moment, a shinigami walked in. Rangiku turned to the shinigami curiously.
The shinigami cringed in fear under Rangiku's gaze. "I'm sorry, taichou! I'm sorry! I forgot to knock, I know. Please don't punish me! I was disrespectful and a disgrace to the sixth division!"
Rangiku was amused. "Looks like Kuchiki-taichou really hammered every single shinigami rule into the sixth division," she thought, inwardly "And I thought my taichou was uptight."
"Here is your punishment, go and get some sake and plan a sake party tonight for the entire sixth division," Rangiku suddenly said. The shinigami gaped at Rangiku incredulously. Kuchiki Byakuya. The noble, dignified Kuchiki Byakuya who followed every single ridiculously minuscule rule in Gotei-13 was actually planning one of the things he distasted and regarded in disdain: a sake party.
"Um taichou" began the shinigami, timidly "Are you alright? I can call Unohana- taichou for you." The poor, bewildered shinigami firmly believed that the chemicals from the hair conditioners the hair dresser used on Byakuya were showing some bad side affects. Possibly even brain damage.
Rangiku decided to switch into uptight Byakuya mode. "Did you not hear me?" she asked, coldly "Do you need me to remind you?"
The shinigami shook his head vigorously and said before scuttling out, "Have a good day, taichou andhave ahealthy and long life filled with happiness and joy."
Rangiku sweat dropped. "Better not mention this to Hitsugaya-taichou," she warned herself inwardly "Don't want him getting any good ideas."
Byakuya in the end decided to brew the cup of tea for the brat. Unfortunately, putting in mildly, he was not a very –say- accomplished tea brewer. In the kitchen, sugar and tea leaves were strewn all over the place, hot scalding water making various puddles on the floor and a total of nine cups were demolished.
Hinamori entered at gaped at the total chaos. "Um, Rangiku-san," she said, her eyes wide "What on earth are you trying to make?"
"Tea," answered Byakuya, shortly.
Hinamori sweat dropped furiously. "Err, whatever you say," she stared at the place she once called a kitchen. She left after bidding Rangiku good bye.
"Note to self, never ask Rangiku to make lunch," Hinamori told herself.
Rangiku was having a wonderful time, drinking sake in a manner that Byakuya would certainly not. Every shinigami in the sixth division gaped at their captain.
"Didn't know taichou could drink," Renji mumbled to himself, more convinced than ever that the hair nets were causing some psychotic problems. Or maybe he got so tired of being a goody-goody stick-to-the-rule and finally snapped?
Suddenly, Rangiku felt something she never felt until her twentieth bottle of sake. She was drunk. But why? She only finished one bottle. She suddenly felt very hot and started to feel dizzy. Then, without another thought, she fainted.
Rangiku woke up with a piercing headache. She had one heck of a hangover. This was ridiculous! Her body could handle sake better than Kira or even Renji! Then it hit her, she wasn't in her body. She was in Byakuya's!
She scowled. Just as she thought being in Byakuya's body wasn't so bad, she had to find out the body she was in could not handle sake any better than a child. To top it all, sleeping with the blasted hair nets on was causing Rangiku a head ache on top of the hangover she was already having.
Suddenly, she found a note left next to her. Rangiku quickly read it. "Dear Kuchiki-taichou, as leader of The Fashionable Hairstyle Society, you are hereby invited to give a speech during the next meeting to inspire your fellow members to adopt more classy hairstyles. Details of the venue and date are enclosed."
Rangiku's eyes went as wide. What? Byakuya was the leader of that club? No wonder so many squealing fan girls had joined. She had been wondering why a club with such an awful name had been suddenly so popular amongst the female shinigamis.
Rangiku might have been amused except for the fact that she had to give a lecture about hairstyles to a bunch of air headed, shallow minded, Byakuya-obsessive females.
She sighed in resignation and read the time and place of the dreaded meeting. She gave a yelp of alarm when she found out that she was already five minutes late.
"Ladies, I present you, Kuchiki-taichou of the sixth division,"
"Kyaaah! Byakuya-chaaan!" screamed the crazed, fanatical female fans.
Rangiku forced a strained smile, trying to ignore how the high pitch screams were grating her nerves. She found out, however, that smiling in Kuchiki Byakuya's body while surrounded by thousands of obsessed female fans was a bad idea, especially since the real Byakuya never smiled.
"Kyaaaah! He looks so gorgeous when he smiles!" screamed the fan girls, each of them concluding that the Kuchiki Byakuya smiled for her alone.
"Let's get him!" screeched one fan and the others were happy to agree. Rangiku sweat dropped as she stared at the advancing females with an unholy gleam in their eyes. Funny how these crazed female fans seemed scarier than soul-devouring hollows.
"GAH!" yelled Rangiku when one of them grabbed her leg (or more precisely Byakuya's.) Suddenly, a storm of screeching females launched themselves at Rangiku screaming, "Byakuya-chaaaaaan!"
A fewseconds later, a disheveled figure could be seen crawling out from a hole in the roof.
Rangiku had been traumatized for life. Those crazy fan girls had scratched her robes into shreds. Thank goodness Rangiku had managed to escape before the fan girls got –ahem- serious.
Suddenly, Rangiku bumped into someone she never expected to meet: herself, or more accurately, her body.
"Matsumoto-fuku taichou, I presume?" asked Byakuya, coldly. Rangiku nodded silently, still in shock.
"I assume we have somehow switched bodies," Byakuya continued. Rangiku restrained from saying an exasperated, "Obviously"
"I have a little problem," mumbled Byakuya. For some reason he was blushing.
"Perhaps the "little problem" is that you are currently in a female body while I'm stuck in your body!" Rangiku demanded.
"There seems to be another problem," Byakuya blushed even more.
"What?" Rangiku was curious.
"You see…I found blood in my undergarment this morning-"