Title: Mine Alone, 4
Summary: Anakin's thought at the end of Rots
Disclaimer: Star Wars is the property of George Lucas. No disrespect is intended.
Nothing and no one will take her from me. That was the vow I made to myself on our wedding day. I would be her everything. I would protect her and keep her from harm, my cherished wife. I did cherish her. The memory of her kept me going, companioned me in the late night hours.
What have I, Anakin, done? Even now I cannot comprehend. It hurts to much to think that I….
I once told her that when I wasn't with her I couldn't breathe. How unknowingly prophetic those words said by a fireside! My chest aches, my lungs burn and what have I now? I have a suit that keeps me alive, cybernetic limbs that are awkward to me and memories of her that haunt my waking and sleeping hours. I don't rest, but when I do, I dream of her disbelieving face and those eyes begging me to stop.
What have I, Anakin, done? No, not me. Not me, no. I'd never hurt her. What have I, Vader, done?
I could breathe, but she couldn't. I took her breath from her with a squeeze of my hand. Hurting her, killing her.
I put my head in my hands. When the hour is late and the fiery rages I feel have temporarily cooled, my face is wet with tears for what my end has become. Would that I could be an innocent child once more, unaware of the things that later came to define me. I want to go home and I can't. Home is denied me. This is my life, who I have become, whether I wish it to be or not.
This is my fate, to feel the aching loneliness of life without her for the rest of my life. The years stretch out before me, icy and long. I cannot be Anakin and Vader both, for how can Anakin live with what he allowed Vader to do? Let me die, Vader. Rise in my place and erase me, for I do not wish to remain without her.
I did everything for her. She was mine and I threw her away. She was mine alone….
And now I am alone through no actions save my own. I killed her and to be without her….
I can't breathe.