Touched by an Angel
Summary: It turns out Yuki has conscious after all--two in fact: a Shoulder Angel and a Shoulder Demon. Perfect opposites whose job it is to guide Yuki's actions through his conscious. However, it soon becomes apparent that his best interests may not be their first priority…
A/N: You know in cartoons when a character is contemplating two courses of action, one naughty and one nice, a Shoulder Angel and a Shoulder Demon pop up on either shoulder and try to persuade the character to follow their course of action? This is what happens to Yuki late one night when trying to decide what to do with Shuichi after he's gotten on Yuki's last nerve.
Stand alone oneshot with language and lime.
Disclaimer: I don't own Gravitation, Maki Murakami does.
"Goddamn it, Shuichi! How many times have I told you, NOT WHILE I'M WRITING? How many times? A hundred? A million? And still it does absolutely no good! It's in one ear and straight out the other--not like that's a big surprise cuz there sure as hell ain't anything in there to slow its progress through your empty head, now is there?"
Yuki rapped the side of Shu's head with his knuckles causing a loud hollow sound to reverb through the room.
"Is there?" he tapped again.
"Anybody home?" he tapped again. "Hello, McFly!"
Shuichi began to cry. "I'm sorry, Yuki! Honest, I won't do it again!"
"That's what you always say and what happens? My ass doesn't hit the chair good before you go and do it again! I swear to GOD I ought to just kick your sorry behind out of here right now!"
A sudden sharp pain seized Yuki right in the posterior.
"What the hell?" He grunted with hurt and began to look around for the source of his discomfort when Shuichi screeched with terror.
"Please Yuki! I won't do it again, I PROMISE!"
Yuki, turning his attention back to the situation at hand, screwed up his eyes in thought, giving the threat serious consideration.
"Yes, peace, quiet and my bed will be all mine again…" He looked down at Shuichi who was shaking with sobs and pleading.
"PLEASE!" Shuichi sank to his knees and threw himself against Yuki.
Yuki watched his boy grovel at his feet. He looked so helpless…so vulnerable…so soft…such smooth skin…
Shu's wild pink locks fell errantly into his large, tearful eyes, which stared up into Yuki's with such longing…such devotion…
His lush lips were pouting and parted in such…sweet…luscious…breathy whimpers…
His tight little body moved and shook with such…
"Freeze!" a small voice called from out of nowhere. Shuichi instantly froze in place, eyes wide, tears mid fall and in the midst of desperately clinging to Yuki's legs. He was a statue of frozen anguish and emotion.
"Aw for Gawd's sake! There you go again, letting your nether regions get the better of you!" the voice growled in his ear disgustedly.
Yuki looked down. His Shoulder Demon, an identical miniature version of himself save for the slightly creepy glowing red eyes, black leathery wings, pitchfork and tail, stood on his right shoulder and was scowling up at him, which is to say, using Yuki's own normal expression against him.
"Not now, I'm busy!" Yuki snapped without surprise. Talking to his Shoulder Demon was nothing new. The two had a long standing relationship seeing as how the little bastard showed up on average of three to four times a day. In fact, since he'd met Shuichi, his appearances had become like clockwork.
"Yeah, you're busy alright!" it exclaimed. "Busy caving in to your super value meal sex drive!" The tiny evil Yuki pointed his pitchfork at him accusingly. "Like you always do. Just when things start looking up and you're about to kick his little whiny-baby ass to the curb, that same little ass starts flashing before your eyes and pretty soon your dick is doing a happy dance! One thing leads to several others and before you can say Trojan Man, y'all are doing a horizontal break dance and acting all lovey dovey! That is until he pisses you off again--usually sometime within the next 8 hours or so. Then the whole miserable thing starts all over again. It's a vicious cycle I tells ya!"
The Shoulder Demon sheathed the pitchfork in the holster he carried slung across his back and began pacing back and forth on Yuki's shoulder.
"Don't get me wrong, it's not that I actually mind making all these house calls or anything. I mean, I'm clocking overtime like a mofo! Thanks to you I paid off my 30-year condo mortgage a whole 29 years and 4 months early! You know how much I saved in interest alone? Plus I'm racking up frequent flier miles like you wouldn't believe. Hell, because of you, I've made Shoulder Demon of the Month six months running!" He grinned. "Being Shoulder Demon of the Month gets me free parking at the office, coupons to Applebees and my picture on the wall—me likes!"
He stopped and faced Yuki. "So it really pains me to look a gift horse in the mouth—seeing as how you've given me so much and all--but damn, Yuki! This is one Shoulder Demon that's getting pretty tired of all the screaming and yelling and crying and the whole gay drama that goes with this job!"
S.D. shook his head. "Speaking of gay drama, do you know that because of y'all I now own the whole 'Queer As Folk' dvd collection?" He had the nerve to look mortified. "And as if that wasn't enough, since taking this gig, I've been listening to Wayne Newton cds non stop! I can't seem to help myself! Before this assignment, I used to be cool! I used to have chicks lined up around the corner as far as the eye could see. There wasn't a weekend that went by that I didn't have my choice of bump bunnies." He pointed at Yuki. "And I'm not talking about the dogs either! I'm talking red-hot and smoking! Nobody but NOBODY puts it down in bed like the damned! I mean, we got nothing to lose, right!"
"Uhh…" Yuki started to speak but S.D. cut him off with a hand and hung his head sadly.
"But now…now that I'm watching must see gay tv and listening to Wayne fucking Newton, I can't get a chick to even look at me! You know how long it's been since I shagged a piece of demon crumpet? The way I'm going I couldn't get laid in Booty Hell and believe you me I tried!" He looked up at Yuki with sour menace. "Twice!"
S.D. flopped down on Yuki's shoulder dejectedly.
"And then there was last night…the straw that broke the demon's back." S.D. sniffed a little and wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand.
"There I was at the club, minding my own business--just a man trying to get a banana daiquiri at the bar, when suddenly I felt it." S.D.'s eyes took on a look of painful remembrance.
"Felt what?" Yuki asked testily.
"I had to go to the bathroom!" S.D.'s shoulders began to shake with teary little quivers.
"And?" Yuki asked, annoyed.
"So I went to the bathroom!" He clamped a hand over his mouth and tried to calm the emotional dam that was fitting to burst.
"Yeah?" Yuki prodded, irritated.
"So, (sniff sniff) when I came out, (sniff, sniff) I was wearing leather pants!"
Yuki rolled his eyes. "Sooooo?"
S.D. turned up his face and wailed. "I DON'T OWN ANY LEATHER PANTS!" He threw his arms around the side of Yuki's neck and broke down completely. "I wasn't wearing leather pants when I went in, but when I came out, some guy handed me his phone number and said thanks for the good time! I don't even know what happened exactly--it was really dim in there and then there these were hands reaching for me and pulling me and touching me and sliding all over me! One thing led to another and when it was all said and done, I was wearing leather pants, and my ass hurt! I did a total George Michael in front of the whole bathroom going world! AAAhhhhahahahaaaa God…the humanity!" He flung himself against Yuki again and started wailing all over again.
Yuki didn't know what to do. He had an anguished and emotional frozen lover crying and clinging to his knees and he had an anguished and emotional Shoulder Demon crying and clinging to his neck. Something had to give! Something did give--Yuki's patience. He rectified that immediately.
"Look," he said, reverting back to his normal state of pissiness, "you need to get yourself together and then get the hell up out of here! I'm in the middle of something right now and the last thing I need is an anguished and emotional Shoulder Demon giving me some sob story about being a man hussy! What you do in or out of leather pants has absolutely nothing to do with me!"
S.D.'s head snapped up. "Oh no? My whole de-flowering is your fault! Dealing with you sad sacks on a daily basis has turned me into one of the Village People!" He pointed to his head. "Just look at all this metrosexual mousse in my hair! I've become a man hussy by association!"
The Shoulder Demon dropped to his knees and slapped his hands together in pleading prayer. "Surely you can understand where I'm coming from. Surely you see how pitiful and pathetic I've become! I'm on my knees in a $3,000 custom-tailored Armani suit begging you, PLEASE…PLEASE…PLEASE, for the love of God, kick him out once and for all so I can get my mojo back and get on with my life!"
He looked up at Yuki and sighed dramatically. "And then you can get on with yours."
Yuki looked down at the still portrait that Shu had become. Since coming into his life, Shuichi had turned his world upside down. What once was quiet was now loud and noisy. What once was peaceful was now filled with the sounds of heartbreak and crying (from Shuichi) every other day and foul tempered harsh words (from Yuki) every other night. And what once was a safe haven from emotional turmoil—a diked and dammed cocoon of isolation, was now a flood plain for Shuichi's happy laughter, Shuichi's loving hugs and Shuichi's insistent kisses that he gave freely morning, noon and night.
Yuki saw his own reflection in Shuichi's large eyes and thought of how those same eyes were the first things he saw every morning and the last things he saw every night. And how often they were filled with tears…
"Maybe…" Yuki said slowly. It was funny. He'd been thinking the exact same thing just seconds before S.D. arrived, but now, hearing it come from someone else, the whole notion of kicking Shu out seemed…
A loud whoop for joy interrupted Yuki's thoughts.
S.D. leapt to his feet, suddenly all grins and teeth. "Now you're talking! Lets get a bag ready. Just the essentials, you know, a pair of drawers, an extra pair of socks and a toothbrush. He can get the rest later."
Yuki stood there thinking when another voice filled the air--a voice that sounded suspiciously like his own.
"You should get back down on your knees," the voice said dryly. "You look so much more comfortable in that position."
A spark and a puff of smoke later another tiny Yuki materialized on Life-Sized Yuki's left shoulder. Dressed much like his namesake in a pair of pants and an untucked button down shirt, Shoulder Angel Yuki inhaled half his cigarette in one drag.
"You!" S.D. glared at the new arrival. "What the hell are you doing here?"
"My job," came the reply.
Yuki's brow wrinkled with confusion. The new arrival looked just like him and S.D. save for the slightly creepy glowing gold eyes, a pair of long white folded wings that stretched half his body length and what appeared to be a fluorescent white halo hovering above his head.
Who was this joker? Yuki wondered. S.D. he knew. He'd seen him several times daily whether he wanted to or not for almost a decade. The other dude however was a complete stranger.
"Who the hell are you?" asked Real Yuki.
"Has Shuichi's stupidity worn off on you or did you manage this level of ignorance all on your own?" It dragged again on its cigarette. Not getting a reply, it exhaled through a frown and said "I'm your Shoulder Angel, nimrod!"
Yuki bucked in surprise. "I didn't know I had a Shoulder Angel! How long has this been going on?" He pointed to S.D. "I've only ever seen this guy."
S.A. rolled his eyes at S.D. "I've been with you as long as Demon Boy over there. We're assigned in pairs—you can't have one of us without the other." He took another drag. "You see him the most because he's a vain simpleton that likes the attention and can't get enough of hearing the sound of his own voice."
S.A. looked up Yuki. "Me, on the other hand, couldn't give a shit whether you see me or not, so long as you listen to what I have to say. Since I don't make house calls, I guide you from afar."
"So what brings your ass a-near?" hissed S.D.
"This seems to be shaping up into an extreme case." S.A. finished off the cigarette and tossed the butt over Yuki's shoulder. "True to your idiotic nature, it seems like you're seriously considering chucking Shu out for good this time."
"Yeah, so?" Yuki was starting to get pissed off again. S.D. was bad enough to deal with, but this new guy was turning out to be the biggest ass of the three of them!
"So! Do you know how long it took me to find the one someone that could do for you what Shuichi does for you--love you like he loves you, put up with you like he puts up with you and then the pains I went through to bring the two of you together?" S.A. ticked the items off on his hand. "All the planning, the preparation, the rearranging of the cosmos, the deliberate timing of coincidental meetings, the filling out of paperwork--you'll never know just how hard it is to make fate punch a time clock! And do you ever thank me? Hell no! I only do you the biggest favor of your sorry life by finding your soul mate for you and I don't even get so much as a bloody Hallmark card!"
S.A. magically produced another cigarette, threw it in his mouth and then pulled his halo down. He touched it to the end of his smoke stick, which he pulled on until he had a satisfying burn going. Then he threw the halo back up in the air where it automatically snapped back into place.
That was it. Yuki was done taking attitude and more than ready to give it.
"Look you, until two seconds ago, I didn't even know you existed! If you were doing me such a big fucking favor, where have you been all this time?" Then Yuki pointed to Shuichi. "And who the hell says he's my soul mate?"
"I do!" S.A. spat back. "Check the wings and the halo there stud! They don't just hand these out to any slob that asks for them, so when I say he's your soul mate, he's your bloody soul mate ok?" He put a hand on his hip. "As for where I've been, as I said before, I've been with you just not seen by you." He shrugged. "Ok, so I spent the last four months in therapy. But I was here in spirit and I checked my email every single day!"
"Therapy? What do you need therapy for?" asked S.D.
"None of your goddamned business."
"What do you need therapy for?" asked Real Yuki.
S.A. rolled his eyes. "God, what are you two, joined at the stupid bone?" He sat on Yuki's shoulder and crossed his legs primly. "Being your Shoulder Angel is a job and a half, Eiri. You're a mess! You're surly, you're hard to work with, you don't listen, you don't follow directions and you don't just have emotional baggage, you've got a matched set of designer luggage complete with toiletries case and carry-on bag!" S.A. sighed. "I get hazard pay for just being here!"
"Hazard pay!" S.D. exclaimed. "How'd you negotiate hazard pay? I don't get hazard pay!"
S.A. blinked. "What do the damned need with hazard pay? Your whole existence is a hazard—you live in Hell! As for negotiation, I didn't negotiate anything. They threw it in with the health plan. They had such a hard time finding someone to take this job, they made the compensation package sweeter than Andy Dick in a room full of Little Debbie snack cakes." S.A. shot Yuki a nasty look. "And believe me, I earn every cent of it!"
"Now just a minute!" Yuki shot back.
"Freeze!" S.D. pointed at Yuki and stopped him in his tracks. He leaned around Yuki's throat. "You getting dental?"
S.A. took another puff. "Dental, vision, company car, travel reimbursement and of course…" he nodded at Yuki, "generous mental health coverage."
He pointed at Yuki. "Unfreeze! How do you think I'm paying for my therapy?" He shot Yuki another nasty look. "That's something you need to think about investing in!"
"A company car! I'll be damned!" S.D. said.
"And so you are!" replied S.A. "Anyhow, back to Shuichi—"
"Freeze!" S.D. froze Yuki again. "How about bonuses? You get bonuses?"
"Unfreeze! Could you get your head out of your wallet? We've got a job to do here!"
"Did you two just freeze me?" asked Yuki.
"Freeze! Well excuse me for being concerned, Mr. High and Mighty My Job Reimburses Me For My Therapy!"
"Unfreeze! They don't reimburse me. They pay the therapist direct. I'm not out of pocket at all!"
"Both of you shut up!" Yuki yelled. "If you freeze me one more time—"
"Freeze!" S.D. put both hands on his hips. "Ok Wing Wench, what're you really doing here?"
"Unfreeze! I'm stopping Stupidus Maximus here from doing something he's going to regret for the rest of his life."
"What did I just say about freezing me!" Yuki shouted. "And what do you mean something I'm going to regret for the rest of my life?"
"What did it sound like? You're about to throw away your one serious chance at happiness and fulfillment for the sake of resolving temporary discomfort."
S.A. stood and stretched his wings with a flutter. "Haven't you noticed the subtle differences that have occurred in your life since Shuichi arrived? Haven't you noticed that your soul is just a little bit more whole? Your vision is just a little bit brighter? Your heart is just a little bit warmer?"
S.A. glared at Yuki and frowned. "No, of course you haven't. You're too busy concentrating on Shuichi's intrusions into your self-imposed exile—whining about how noisy he is, bitching about how he hogs the covers in bed, moaning about the lost so called peace you had before he came. That wasn't peace, Eiri, it was an entombment of your own design. And thanks to Evil Lite here, there isn't a minute that goes by that you don't come up with some kind of excuse to yell at him, demean him or be cold toward him. Perhaps you thought that if you did that enough, he'd leave on his own and save you the trouble of having to kick him out yourself. Isn't that right, you lazy bitch! But he hasn't done that, has he? Instead, he's weathered the storm of your cruelty, stayed the course and given you so many things."
S.A. touched Yuki's face and drew it gently to him.
"He's given you his smiles."
Yuki instantly saw an image of the big goofy smile that Shu always flashed him in the mornings when he woke up—the same smile that made him want to smile in return, even though he never did.
"He's given you his trust."
A barrage of images assaulted Yuki of Shuichi asking for advice, of Shuichi asking his opinion and of Shuichi's hand in his as he patiently followed wherever Yuki led.
"He's given you unconditional love."
Yuki heard the sounds of loud yelling and soft sobbing and through the haze and ugliness of it all a small …"I love you Yuki."
"Naturally, Satan's Seat Cushion over there doesn't show you things like that, does he? Of course not! He wants you to throw Shu out because your misery means job security for him. That and free parking at the office and coupons at Applebees and his picture on a bloody wall somewhere!"
"You were eavesdropping, you nosy son of a—" S.A. cut S.D. off with a deadly look and kept going.
"Just like me, he has known all along that there are very few people in existence that can fill the void in your soul with only one that can do it completely and he, my friend, is here."
S.A. drew himself up to his full mini height and put both hands on his hips.
"So you'd better just find a way to deal with him. Love is work. Life is work. If you can't roll up your sleeves and pitch in with the rest of us, you don't deserve either!"
"Ok, that's enough out of you, you sorry excuse for a pigeon!" S.D. drew himself up to his full height and started in. "My turn!"
He turned to Yuki. "You heard him yourself, Yuki. Shuichi is one of few people that can make you happy. He's only one of your few chances for happiness. I admit that there aren't many that are compatible with you period, let alone on a cosmic level and he's right, there is only one person that can be called your soul mate, but how do you know that one person really is Shuichi?"
He pointed to S.A. "You gonna take this overgrown chicken's word for it? Or are you gonna trust the guy, your buddy, your pal, that's been by your side, taking care of you all these years?"
S.D. shimmied closer to Yuki's ear and whispered in it with words that came out in slow, hot hisses. "Remember the fun we had? A different partner every night? The electricity of sexual attraction on impulse? Spying a potential meal on the street and the sweet satisfaction of hunting that prey and seducing it with soft words and hard embraces? No need for long cumbersome relationships. No need for emotional entanglements. Get what you want, get what you need and get out. Freedom, Yuki, that's what it's all about. What do we need with the harness of love?"
S.D. wound his way sinuously up into the lower recesses of Yuki's ear and fondled it, hitting Yuki's weak spot. S.D. smiled at the small tremors he caused to roll through Yuki's body.
"Remember freedom, Yuki?" he purred. "Go where we want, when we want, take care of ourselves, our needs, our base desires…mmmm...the pleasure of new conquests…aahhhh…foraying into uncharted territory? What do we need with the boring familiarity of the same body, in the same bed day in and night out?"
"No need to think about anyone but ourselves. No concern for anyone's well being but our own. Not having to answer to anyone for anything. Nothing but willing bodies lined up as far as the eye could see. And I'm not talking about the dogs either! All red-hot and smoking! Nobody, but NOBODY puts it down in bed like we do…"
S.D. kissed Yuki's earlobe gently. "Remember Satchiko?"
Yuki closed his eyes and saw images of a lush body pressed hotly to his.
"She turned out to be a stalker that wouldn't leave you alone after that one night," stated S.A. sourly.
S.D. flicked out his tongue and licked Yuki's earlobe slowly. "Remember Yurika?"
Images of Satchiko were replaced by big brown eyes, full pouty lips and a voice that could melt butter. Yuki moaned in spite of himself.
"She turned out to be married with a husband that was more interested in you than she was," stated S.A. sourly.
S.D. blew a hot, shivery breath into Yuki's ear costing him an escaped pant in response. "Remember Natsume?"
Images of a tall, willowy beauty wrapped in his Egyptian cotton sheets flooded Yuki's mind.
"She turned out to be a he, didn't she?" asked S.A. sourly.
"OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, FREEZE!" S.D. halted Yuki mid-wet dream.
S.D. poofed and reappeared beside S.A. on Yuki's left shoulder.
"You seriously need to shut the hell up! You're putting a serious cramp in the Mack Daddy vibe I got going here!"
S.A. laughed out loud. "That's your Mack Daddy vibe? If that's the best you can do, it's no wonder you're getting yours in club bathrooms these days! Hello Kitty could probably put it down better than what I've seen you do so far!"
S.D.'s petulant annoyance vanished and was replaced by unadulterated threat. His voice dropped to a solemn quiet tone. "I'm warning you, Halo Harlot! I've got Yuki right where I want him. He's pumped, primed and ready to go. All I have to do is wrap this deal up and make it home in time for dinner!"
S.D. stepped to him. "I absolutely, positively am not going to let you ruin my chances for Shoulder Demon of the Month number seven! One more word out of you and I'll have two new feather pillows on my bed before you can say matching duvet!"
"Big talk, for a Bottom Boy," answered S.A. calmly. He flicked the butt of his cigarette at S.D. who deflected it with a red force shield. "Since you seem so confident that this is a done deal, why don't we make it interesting?"
"A little wager."
S.D. was about to tell his nemesis what to go do with himself when his curiosity got the better of him. What could S.A. possibly mean, challenging him to a bet this late in the game when the outcome was all but certain? What a maroon!
"Alright. Name your stakes." S.D. took the bait.
S.A. leaned forward. "If you're not the demon you think you are and Shuichi winds up staying, then I win. Simple."
S.D. thought about it. "And if I get Shu tossed out on his tuckus then I win, right?"
"What do I get when I win?" S.D. grinned evilly at S.A.
"What do you want?"
"You can't interfere with Yuki for the next six months."
S.A. crossed his arms. "And what am I supposed to do for all that time? This is my job, you know!"
"I don't give a damn what you do! Go on vacation, go back to therapy, go get laid--but if I win and I see or even feel a single feather from your mangy wings anywhere near Yuki, I'm going to put this foot right here so far up your end zone, you'll be the proud owner of two toe-shaped lips!"
S.A. snorted. "Good thing I already have dental, huh? Well if you get me out of the picture for a whole six months, I want something of equal value if I win."
S.D. frowned. "Yeah?" He had a bad feeling about this.
"If I win, I get to use you as my own personal hand puppet for the same six months."
S.D. screeched to a horrible halt. "WHAT!"
"You heard me," S.A. repeated softly, leering at his rival nastily. "I get to drive you home tonight and then saddle up and ride each and every other night for the next six months." He licked his lips for emphasis as he smiled.
"NO FUCKING WAY!" S.D. screamed.
"That's the deal. Take it or leave it."
S.D. began to worry. Something about this wasn't right. He just couldn't see what. His brows knit together as he tried to sort through it all. S.A. saw him hesitate and pounced.
"Aww…what's da madda? Is da big bad Demon scared of my wittle angel?"
"No, it's not that it's just…"
"Are you scared you might enjoy it?"
"Hell no, I—"
"I bet that's what it is. Or could it be that you don't have this deal as sewn up as you think? Could it be that the Angel slipped through the cracks of your carefully laid plan and put a wrench in your program and now all you can do is bluff your way out of a situation you know you can't possibly win? Your ass is on the line, literally, because you know I'm right. Shuichi is the one for Yuki. Say what you like, but even you can't change that fact. Yuki isn't nearly as stupid as you play him for and you're scared that now that I'm here he'll see through your little charade and his heart will make him do what's right!"
S.A. casually began to clean his nails. "It seems that I'm the one that's got Yuki right where I want him!"
S.D.'s jaw went through the floor. "You must be out of your goddamned mind! If you think that, then you haven't had nearly the amount of therapy that you need!"
"Really? Enlighten me." S.A. watched his opposite carefully.
"Enlighten you? Hah! And you call Yuki stupid! How dare you think you can just roll up in here and undo what I have carefully built these many months! You think just because you turn up that a few sappy words will make any difference to this dimwit when I've been here for months holding his hand for him, holding his dick for him, making sure he does what he's told?"
S.D. threw his head back and laughed out loud at S.A's sheer naiveté. Seeing his chance, S.A. pointed and whispered one quiet word:
Oblivious, S.D. went on. "And it gets even better! Truth be told, I could have had him kick Shuichi out months ago. I could have had him toss Shu to the curb so hard, that poor bastard would have bounced when he landed!"
"If you're so confident, then why didn't you?" asked S.A.
"I had four more payments to make on my Porsche! Chicks dig em to death!" S.D. whipped out a picture of his car for S.A. to see. "My baby is 240 HP, goes zero to 60 in 2.4 and gets absolutely shitty gas mileage—I love her!" S.D. kissed the picture lovingly.
"So you're saying you can get Shuichi kicked out any time you feel like it because Yuki's a fool?" prodded S.A.
"No, you're the fool, with this sucker's bet you've just forced on yourself! Yuki has been trained to trust me implicitly and he jumps at my every command! Ah! You should have been around to see the fights. The pure blissful chaos that I created between them. If I wanted Shuichi down on his knees crying, I'd whisper a word and Yuki ran yelling. If I wanted Shuichi made to feel his own worth was less than zero, I gave a look and Yuki ran yelling. If I wanted Shuichi pleading and begging for a bit of affection or love, any scrap at all, I snapped my fingers and Yuki ran yelling. Yuki does everything but fetch my slippers! Hell, he wouldn't make to the bathroom in time to take a piss if it weren't for me! Oh My God, the fun, the FUN! I'll send you a dvd--I got it all on video! How do you think I keep making Shoulder Demon of the Month? My technique is flawless and my strategy is masterful!"
S.D.'s red irises glowed fiercely with pride.
"And the beautiful thing is, he's the one that let me do it to him! His cold stubborn emptiness has made things oh so easy—I barely have to lift a finger! It's brilliant! I'm brilliant! Oh My God, I'm so good I want to fuck myself!"
S.D. spread his arms wide. "This is my kingdom, baby and I am the KING! KING KONG AIN'T GOT NOTHIN' ON ME!"
"Is that a fact?" The voice that spoke was quietly cold. The voice that spoke was nastily menacing. The voice that spoke wasn't S.A.'s.
S.D. looked up slowly. His eyes traveled the length of Yuki's face until they found Yuki's eyes and to his utter dismay, they were boring down into his with what could only be described as murderous intent.
S.D. looked back at S.A who was wearing the most sweetly innocent smile ever to grace any Yuki, real or otherwise.
S.D. closed his eyes and sighed heavily. "Can I just assume that you will not be kicking Shuichi out this fine evening, then?"
"YOU MISERABLE SON OF A—"
S.D. cut Yuki off. "That's what I thought."
S.D. sighed again, took out a cigarette and lit it with a flame that sprung from his fingertip. He drew and exhaled.
"I hate you, Shoulder Angel," he said cheerfully.
"I love you too." S.A. replied happily. "And I'm going to love you even more later!"
S.D.'s eyes went wide with fear. "OH MY GOD, THE BET!"
"That's right, Sweet Cheeks! Be at my place in an hour and you can start providing your end of the bargain." S.A. chuckled. "Hah! Providing your end! I kill myself!" He wiped a tear from his eye. "Be on time will you and don't wear anything…restrictive."
"I hope you're enjoying yourself!" S.D. muttered miserably. He prepared to take off.
"Not as much as I will later. Oh, before you go, loser brings the lube." S.A. leisurely perused S.D.'s form. "Be sure to bring enough for your tail. I want to see just how flexible that thing really is. It's prehensile, right?"
S.D. slumped. Suddenly a thought flashed across his mind and he brightened considerably.
"Wait a second! I can't get into your place--I don't have the security code!" His smile reflected the hope that shone in his eyes.
"No problem." S.A. stomped all over S.D.'s attempt at parole. A small piece of paper sparked into his hand, which he gave to S.D. "When you get to the Pearly Gates, give me a call and I'll buzz you in."
S.D. snatched the paper and looked at it. He did a double take. "What the…" He looked up at S.A. and waved the number in his face. "This is the same number as the one the guy gave me at the club last night!"
"I'm surprised you noticed, it was so dim in there!" S.A. lifted his shirt and pointed to his pants. "Recognize?"
S.D. squinted at them. "MY PANTS!" Terrible realization dawned all over his mortified face. "You! What were you doing in a Demon's club!"
S.A. shrugged. "Slumming obviously."
Suddenly it all became clear and when it did, S.D. got so mad, he spit red sparks. "You did all this on purpose! You knew that little episode last night would drive me over the edge…so to speak. Bastard! YOU SET ME UP THE BOMB!"
"Yep, I sure did and now all your ass are belong to us!" S.A. doubled over with laughter. "Ahhhhahahaha, bring my leather pants when you come!" He beat himself laughing.
"You filthy, no good…aaah!" S.D. couldn't think straight. He was so pissed, his tail hurt. He powered up ready to get the hell out of there.
Yuki who'd watched the whole exchange in seething rage, plucked S.D. up by the wings before he could get away.
"Not so fast, jackass! You think you've played me, do you? Let me tell you something, I don't follow your orders!" He jerked a thumb toward S.A. "I don't follow his orders. Hell, I don't even listen to my family! So what in the utter hell makes you think I'd do anything a two-bit, two-faced…"
With each word, Yuki's voice grew louder.
With each word, Yuki's face grew darker.
"Uhh…he's not dickless," interrupted S.A. "I mean, he's not outstanding or anything, but all things considered, I wasn't unhappy…"
"Ooo…rat-assed! That's a good one!" A small notepad sparked into S.A.'s hands and he began taking notes.
"…bathroom bait like you wants me to!" Yuki heaved breathlessly from the effort.
"Yuki does exactly as Yuki pleases and I'm here to tell you, Shuichi is mine and I lo--"
Yuki stopped short. "I mean…uhh…" He blinked. "Why am I even explaining this to you? I'm just going to kill you outright!" He wrapped his fist around S.D.'s throat.
A pair of glasses identical to Yuki's flashed onto S.D.'s face.
"Come on now Yuki, you wouldn't squeeze a guy with glasses would ya?"
S.D. didn't wait around for an answer, with a puff of flame and smoke he was gone.
"Damn!" Yuki spit. "I didn't get to kick his ass!"
S.A. smirked evilly. "I wouldn't worry about that too much. I'll be doing that and a whole lot more in a few minutes." His eyes fell down to Shuichi who was still frozen into place where he'd been the entire time.
"What was that you were about to say just now…something that sounds a whole lot like…love?"
Yuki swore out loud. "God, tell me Shuichi didn't hear that?"
"I think I'll let you worry about that for awhile." He smirked again.
"Well, while your company is always stimulating, I need to roll. But before I do there's something you should know--S.D. was actually right about one thing. While your actions are ultimately all your own doing, your isolation and stubborn resistance to contentment made it a piece of cake for him to exert his influence over you. I know that you weren't about to kick Shu out—at least not permanently, but the more you start admitting what it was you were about to say before you cut yourself off, the harder it will be for stuff like this to happen and the better off we'll all be."
He pointed to Shu on the floor.
"Just because you don't see me, doesn't mean that I'm not here with you. When you feel the urge to smile at Shuichi's utter weirdness, the urge to hold him when he's sad, or even the urge to stroke his hair while he sleeps, that's my doing. But all I can do is influence, same as S.D. When you actually do those things, that's all you. And you've done all of them. Your falling in love with Shuichi was entirely your own doing, which proves that you don't have to live haunted by your past or let it dictate your future. You don't have to forget that it happened, but you also don't have to let it mold the man you are capable of being. So stop letting it interfere with you getting the happiness that's right here in front of you, ok?"
S.A. yawned. "Since I was out on therapy leave for awhile, I believe that little soliloquy just now was about four months worth of advice and influence wrapped up into one long, boring ass, touchy feely paragraph—so I should be caught up now! Happy? I gotta go. I got a date with a red-hot and smoking piece of demon crumpet! Nobody, but NOBODY puts it down in bed like the damned! I mean, they got nothing to lose, right?" He prepared to go.
"One other thing." He hovered in the air at eye level with Yuki and turned Yuki's own patented glare back on its master.
"I really do like the hyper little pop-tart, so go easy on him, huh?"
He began to fade from sight and his voice echoed through the air.
"Cuz if you don't, the pain you feel shooting through your arse when you're about to do something stupid is me too!"
Yuki vividly recalled the pain that'd shot through his posterior just a short while earlier. He frowned as a new thought occurred to him.
"Wait a second! You knew that I wasn't going to kick Shuichi out all along and you still put us through all this? I know you didn't set this whole thing up just to get a hold of a piece of demon crumpet to shag, did you?" he asked. "Tell me you didn't set all three of us up!"
S.A. winked cockily, then sparked and was gone.
"What are you complaining for? All I'm getting is demon love for six months. You're getting real love for a lifetime!"
"You sadistic bast--"
"PLEASE, YUKI, please don't make me go!" Shuichi clung to Yuki's legs and heaved with heavy sobs.
"I'm so sorry, I won't do it again, I promise ok? I promise to—"
"I promise to never—"
Shu looked up to see Yuki looking down at him with a frown on his face.
"Get up you damn brat and stop crying all over my pants!"
A white-hot pain shot straight through the right side of Yuki's derriere, causing him to buckle.
"YUKI!" Shuichi leapt to his feet and steadied his man. "Are you alright? What happened?"
Yuki was about to answer when a small voice interrupted him.
"Umm…sorry to bother you, but do y'all have any lube I can borrow? I'm fresh out."
Yuki looked down and there was S.D. standing on his shoulder looking around expectantly for lube.
"I don't fucking believe…" then it hit Yuki. "Fresh out? You said you were de-flowered just last night!"
Shuichi looked around confused. "Huh?"
S.D. shrugged. "I'm a demon and I lied, so sue me. A little bit of man love never did me no harm." He crossed his arms defensively. "So how about that lube—a little Boy Butter, a little Slick Wick, perhaps?"
"If you don't get the fuck out of here!"
S.D. had the nerve to actually look hurt. "ALRIGHT THEN! God, I don't mind telling you I'm really disappointed with this whole evening!" He vanished.
Yuki growled loudly with annoyance, "I can't believe the pair on that guy! I…"
He looked up just in time to see Shuichi leaving the room.
"Where are you going?"
"You just told me to leave," came the miserable reply.
Yuki closed his eyes and sighed. "I wasn't talking to you…ok? Uhh…come back…please…Shuichi?"
Shu looked back, his eyes brimming with hope.
"You mean it?"
"Yeah. I mean it."
Shuichi crossed the room slowly. Too slowly. As soon as he got within grabbing distance, Yuki did and pulled him close.
He held Shuichi in his arms for a long time, neither of them moving, neither of them speaking, just the two of them there together, each holding the other tightly.
"I'm really sorry, Yuki," Shuichi said finally.
"Yeah, me too."
"Really, really, really?"
"You're pushing it!"
"Who were you talking to earlier?"
Yuki's teeth snapped together just thinking about S.D. "An ignorant punk son of a gun whose runaway mouth has caused him to deserve a sanctified ass whooping!"
"Sooo…you were talking to yourself?"
Thanks for reading my story. I appreciate it and hope you enjoyed it.
McFly is a reference to the movie "Back to the Future." Marty's dad gets his head tapped the same way that Shuichi does.
Applebees: chain restaurant in the U.S.
"King Kong ain't got nothing on me!" is a reference to the movie "Training Day."
You set us up the bomb and all your ass are belong to us is a play on the famous video game mistranslation, you set us up the bomb, all your base are belong to us.
I think it's kinda funny that Yuki's Shoulder Angel is actually nastier than either S.D. or the Real Yuki! BTW—the story title doesn't refer to Yuki…