. A/N: One-shot and deeply, deeply depressing. Enjoy it as much as possible.
I Served My Purpose
I've made so many mistakes in my short life, and maybe I should have ended it myself the second I truly realized the scope of what I was. For something as twisted and vile as I am, there never could be a happy ending, there was never allowed to be a happy ending and it was something I had accepted since the day my future was laid out before me by the monks of Azarath. I was born for a single purpose, I was born for the sole reason to bring rage, hatred, terror and pain into this dimension of mortals, to bring about the final end. I wasn't human, I wasn't demon, I wasn't daughter. I was an object, a gem, a gateway, a thing, nothing but a thing. I knew this simple and, unescapable truth since before I could cast the simplest of spells and yet I tried to forget it by going to Earth. How very foolish I was, how very stupid.
In the end, I served my purpose. I willingly released the embodiment of evil itself to ravage everything mortals had toiled to create over thousands of years. I should have just killed myself, should have simply walked off a cliff, but instead I was a coward, and the place I crafted into my second home died that day, just as my first home had perished in the burning flames of darkness and no tears were shed by a child, born to wallow forever alone, dead to the world.
In the end, I served my purpose. I played the dutiful daughter and preformed ancient rites of the darkest design to finally bring to fruition centuries of planning by a being beyond the comprehension of almost all living beings. I unleashed him from his prison that he deserved to be locked away in for all eternity more than any other creature that had ever drawn breath and I knew I should have been locked away with him, suffering for all eternity because of what I was.
In the end, I served my purpose. In doing so I served the only purpose anyone ever thought I would truly accomplish. I completed my apocalyptic destiny, allowed fate to dictate what it had planned from the very beginning. I served my purpose, no longer existing as a thing but becoming nothing, absolutely nothing.
In the end, I served my one and only purpose knowing that no matter what power I left those that claimed to be friends to something as dangerous and volatile as me, they would all fall to the burning nothingness that my master, my father, wrought on the realms of mortals. I left them only a few more moments that they would have, so that would have to suffer even more seeing their ruined home, brought about by their so called teammate, their so called friend, a member of the only family any of them had left. I was nice enough to give them the chance to feel outrage, grief, heartache, anger, and unending sadness, before they would join in the abyss what they had tried to protect for so long. Why would I have done something so cruel, so heartless to those who had found a way to spur the growth of even the barest of good emotions in a thing that was never was meant to feel such things? Because I was a thing and I served my purpose.
He saw things that were never truly there. He told me things that could have been nothing but bold faced lies. He made me feel emotions that were fraudulent and distorted, born of deception, they had to be...it was all I could believe anymore. He came to me even when I was only a thing. He came after me even when I had faded into a nothing, a worthless, used up object. He came for me, bringing with him a new purpose, bringing with him so many things I had never seen before, including something as dangerous as hope. I wish he had never come for me.
Emotions were once to be feared because they brought only pain and suffering, especially to me and those around me. However, for one brief moment, they were not to be feared by that which wielded them but rather by the Lord of all Sin and despite what destiny had decided, the dark Lord's fate was sealed by the very abomination he had created to carry out his dark design. He was defeated by me and a realm had been saved, all because of what I was always supposed to fear, all because of what I was always forbidden to have. I now understand they were to be feared for far more reasons that the destruction their slightest expression once brought.
The days pass though time no longer has any meaning to me. The weather changes, leaves turning amazing, vibrant colors that can captivate the imagination yet are dying at the same time, just as I am dying, wasting away until there will be nothing left but an empty shell. A cold, lifeless thing, just as I used to be. Emotions were once to be feared. They were harbingers of destruction, only serving to bring pain and suffering to anyone around me. Slowly, almost without me noticing, they began to weave an intricate, complex web inside my heart that would inevitably bind me, preventing me any freedom from that which terrorized me since birth.
It was he who had come for me, the one who had brought with him hope who made me realize the true reason emotions were to be feared. He found away into whatever I called a heart, nestling comfortably into a place that no other being had even fathomed could exist in what I was but he believed it was there, he always believed it was there. He was almost as big a fool as I allowed myself to be. He brought with him hope, but he also brought with him something that was just as dangerous as hope, and far more fleeting. He said it would last forever, that it was something eternal and never-ending once two people had found it, and I believed him. I put absolute faith and trust in the once who told me I was special, told me my purpose in life was my own to choose, told me I was beautiful. However, most importantly, he told me he loved me and I loved hearing that word from him, loved being in love, and loved him unconditionally.
I believed that I finally was something beyond the thing I was born to be because I gave him emotions that were only attainable for him when he was with me. He found such wonderful and warm feelings with me and only me, at least that was what he said, what I chose to belief fully and unwavering in. I embraced all these new and beautiful emotions completely, basking in the foreign feelings that welled up inside my heart, serving only to tighten the web around me, ensuring there would be no escape from that what I so badly wanted to get lost in, love, emotions, and him.
But it was all lies, nothing but an illusion, an illusion that was so perfect to me. As I do my best to slowly fade back into the nothingness I should have never been rescued from, I can't remember when the illusion started to shatter, starting to reveal the trickster behind the curtain. I don't remember when he started to fall into darkness or when his heart started to slip from my grasp. I don't remember when the anger and hatred started clouding his heart, replacing those emotions I so badly needed to feel from him.
My Father had ever intention of bringing nothing but rage and hatred to the universe but he had failed. However, the universe I had chose to protect found its own way of succeeding where my Father had failed and consumed my love, my life, my universe in those terrible, terrible emotions. Everything he told me, everything he said he felt for me, were soon revealed to be nothing but lies, beautiful, comfortable lies.
I think my mind has blocked out the truth of how that last fight started, unable to face it because if it was my fault, then I was a greater monster than my father. I could not face it if I had truly driven to say those things to me. However, I do remember the exact last thing he said to me before disappearing into the shadows, the same shadows that engulfed a heart that he once told me would burn bright for me forever.
I remember the tears streaming down my face, I remember my heart crying out for him, still desperately clinging to the man I loved. I remember the look of indifference on his dark, masked face as he stared at the emotional mess I was falling deeper and deeper into. I remember asking him to tell me he loved me, begging him to tell me those three little words. I remember screaming that he promised me he would love me forever and then he said those, cold, emotionless words that shattered everything that I was.
"That is not a promise I intend to keep." He never even said good bye just simply disappeared into the night. I no longer see anything, even when it is right in front of me. I no longer see the looks of pity and sadness in the eyes of the three who still hold on to me though I can not hold on to them. I know that I am dying but I will be dying for a very, very long time.
In the end, I know what it is that slowly kills me, yet won't let me die. It is what I always should have feared, never embraced, never felt. The horrible truth of the emotions I allowed myself to feel, is that some of them, are so strong, become so ingrained in every fiber of your being, that they will never, ever leave. He always told me that he would love me forever, just another lie but there was some truth in what he said. He may not love me forever, but I will love him forever. I can not escape that one emotion that continues to burn even as my heart grows cold. It haunts every waking thought, every sleeping dream, preventing me from completely fading into oblivion. The true reason to fear emotions, is that sometimes no matter how badly we don't want to feel them anymore, once you have, you can never turn them off. Love is dangerous, love is fleeting, but for me, it will never completely fade away, will never allow me peace again.
I served my purpose, I was a thing, a gateway to bring eternal damnation and suffering to the realm of mortals yet I allowed myself to evolve beyond that single, predestined purpose, to become more than what I should have been. He helped lead me to that path, bringing with him love and hope, feelings I could never even imagine. He gave both of these to me but then he decided to leave them with me when he no longer needed him. I wish he would take them back but I know he never will. He is gone but what he put in me lingers forever within me, cursing my continued existence that I no longer want but can't escape. I loved Richard and I still continue to love him even as I become further tangled up in the web of these undying emotions, awaiting when the spider will finally come to release me into oblivion.
I served my purpose, so why am I still here.