Disclaimer: I don't own any of the plots I may use. I simply take one I've seen a lot of the last few days, and write a parody of it. Nothing in this fic is meant to offence anyone, so if it does, I am truly sorry. Oh, yes, and I don't own One Piece. Just a little bit of it.
A/n: I baaack! Though I've only written like two one shots before and they're kind of shitty. ANYWAYS! Okay, now that I've got your attention, I would like you to know that I would happily write about your fic in this story. Kinda like a really long, story-like review. I doubt anyone would want that though. Oh, well.
Warnings: Characters may, or may not be OOC. It all depends on what I want to have said.
Chapter ONE; NAMI IS WHAT?
"Good evening and welcome! Today's subject is popular plots in the One Piece world." Nami said with a friendly, with a fake smile plastered in her face. She was dressed in a lavender jacket and in front of her were several pieces of paper, put in a neat pile.
"My name is Nami the navigator and this" she turned to her left and gestured towards her long-nosed friend "is Usopp the sharp shooter. We are pleased to welcome you to the show."
"Anyways, as Nami said earlier, this is a documentary of popular One Piece plots." Usopp continued, just as fake as Nami had before. "It seems that lately, one of the most popular cliques had been Nami being pregnant with either Sanji's or Zoro's baby. Why not me, I wonder. Do you all have a problem with me? Is it my long nose?"
"Usopp, calm down." Nami said, a vein popping up on her forehead. She didn't particularly like the idea of her being pregnant. And definitely not if one of them were the father.
"Yeah, yeah," Usopp said, looking annoyed. He gestured to a big screen between him and Nami. "Here's an example."
On the screen, a blue ocean appeared, and soon enough, a boat sailed into view. It was a nice boat, somehow pleasant despite the pirate flag on the top of the mast. The straw hat wearing scull flowed rhythmically in the wind, almost hypnotically.
Down on deck, for some reason all alone, was Nami. The faint green in her face indicated she was feeling a bit sick. The extra tight clothes showed she was getting a bit fat and she ate. She ate A LOT!
In fact, that very moment, she was munching down cream cake after cream cake. Not even SANJI liked this anymore.
"Aww, Nami! You're eating all the food! Share!" Luffy complained as he sat down beside her.
"No!" She replied sourly, slapping away Luffy's hungry fingers. "These are mine! I need them!"
"Why do you need them?"
"SO AM I!"
And the arguing continued for three hours or so.
"Hey guys!" Usopp said to Sanji, Zoro and Chopper, who were all hanging around together for various reasons. "Nami's been acting a bit weird lately, don't you think?"
"Now that you mention it, she has been eating a lot more." Sanji reckoned as he spit out his cigarette, only to replace it with another.
"That is going to kill you, y'know!" Chopper said before he glanced over at Nami, who was still easting. "It's like she's eating for two…" He said and then whispered "She couldn't…"
"She's been bitching a lot more lately, too." Zoro said scowling, narrowing his eyes as he looked over at Nami. "She's been bugging me about my dept to her more than usual the past month."
"You don't think she's pregnant, do you?" Chopper said worriedly, rubbing his hooves together anxiously.
"That's for you to know!" Usopp said, eyeing his reindeer friend. "And if you're so worried about her, why don't you give her a check up?"
"That's a great idea!"
The scene froze and Nami spoke up. "The calm before the storm." She said, suddenly giggling. "Here, I am already pregnant! And I haven't even started suspecting it myself! What am I, stupid? I mean, Zoro says I've been weird for over a month, so I should've noticed the lateness of my period!"
Usopp, looking bored, sighed. "I have such a small part in this!"
Then the scene unfroze and showed the viewers Chopper and Nami, in Nami and Robin's room, Chopper giving our favourite navigator a check up.
"Say 'aah'!" Chopper commanded and as she opened the mouth, he stuck an ice-cream stick down her throat.
"Aah!" Nami copied dully, glancing over at her desk, where she'd left her cream cakes.
Taking out the stick, Chopper turned her head to one side, examined her ear and then did the same at the other side.
"Nothing wrong with your throat or ears. Are you stiff somewhere?" Chopper asked rather professionally.
"Yeah," Nami turned her head back and forth. "I think I'm a little stiff in my neck."
"I'm sure Sanji will do something about that later." Chopper said with a smile. "Now let's take a look at that stomach."
Nami took off her shirt and let Chopper examine her stomach with his cold… hooves. "Hmm…" He said, and a little later he said "Aaahh…"
At one point he even said "That's interesting."
After exactly 13 minutes of examining, Chopper asked something Nami didn't suspect. "How long since you last had your period?"
Turning red against her will, Nami nervously started picking in her hair. "Ah… I don't know… A month or so, I think. Why do you ask?"
"I think you're pregnant."
The scene froze again, and this time, only Usopp was present. "We couldn't go on with the sketch after that, as Nami kept getting fits of laughter. Oh well. And yes, Nami is off somewhere crying her eyes out… of laugher, so until she gets back, I decided I'd tell you a little story!"
Usopp took a short pause before he continued dramatically. "Have I ever told you about the time I had to fight super babies? No? Well, then, it's time you learned the tale of the great Usopp!"
"Why don't you try telling a story that is not a lie?" Nami asked sarcastically as she sat down. It was clearly visible that she'd, indeed, been crying.
"You've been crying, Nami?" Usopp asked spitefully with a smirk. "What did you think of the sketch? Was it really that funny?"
"Well, I just… I seemed so dumb in that sketch! I mean, I'm a woman, and women should be able to realize stuff like that sooner! And I really, really seemed dense and slow, which I'm not. I just don't like stuff that involves me going through the difficulties of being pregnant and giving birth."
Usopp nodded slowly. "Yes… Well, I don't really care because I never get enough credit in these fics. I'm usually only there to point out that you're acting strange."
"Um… yeah." Nami looked oddly at the sharpshooter before she turned back to the camera. "The conclusion of this fic is that, even though it's a pretty good plot, and a lot of people probably would be very interested of reading about me getting pregnant, if it's done too many times it'll just get boring. Today, the plot has yet to be overused, but it probably will be in a couple of weeks."
"If someone reversed the effect, however, making Zoro pregnant with Nami's kid, it would be a blast. I'd be sure to read it!" Usopp said and winked, obviously trying to hint something to the audience.
"And that's all we have for you viewers today. Be sure to tune in next time and read about ZoNa – A swordsman's navigation!" He continued before he, and Nami, waved good bye.
A/n: Yeah… Asof now, I have about three to four more chapters, so I'll need you to both review me to heaven and come up with more popular plots and pairings. That's all!