Chap. 3 Lost in your Notes
a/n: Before anyone asks, yes I want to offend you. But only if you take this personally. If you do, please feel free to flame me. If you decide to flame me, please make sure to be logged in or at least leave your e-mail so that we can discuss your problem further.
Disclaimer: One of these things should always be included. So, I do not One Piece. And I wouldn't want to own One Piece because it would rob me the pleasure of reading it.
Warnings: Mary Sue. Self insertion.
Zoro was staring blankly at a piece of paper, trying to figure out why exactly he was sitting on a chair next to the love cook. He looked over at Sanji, who was smiling as charmingly as ever.
"Good evening and welcome!" Sanji said happily. "I am honoured to be your host today. This is seaweed head—I mean Zoro." He covered his laugh with a cough.
"Today, we're going to talk about The Musician plot, which we so creatively have decided to call "Lost in your notes." Yes. Zoro will get lost in the Mary Sue's notes. We're just that clever."
Zoro frowned at the blond cook before he spoke. "Wow. You're so good at this that I think I'll leave you and your crappy jokes alone."
He stood up and was about to leave when Nami entered the scene. "Debt!" She hissed before she disappeared in a puff of orange smoke. Zoro sat down again, with an angry frown on his face.
Sanji smirked maliciously at the swordsman. "And now to the sketch..." He mumbled, amused.
On the screen, a greyish ocean appeared. The sky was almost completely black and big raindrops were falling down, practically drowning the pirate crew that happened to be on the boat below. And not only did the rain drown them, but the wind was blowing so hard it was about to suffocate them.
Yes. It was indeed the perfect storm.
The pirate crew, that the author so effectively managed to mention earlier, was none other than our beloved Straw Hats. They had, under the influence of Nami, decided to take the sails down and row to the closest island.
The storm, however, made it very hard for them. And because of this, the crew had resorted to breathing through their gills, instead of lungs. Yes, gills. For the sake of this story, all characters have gills.
"Wow!" Said Usopp who was struggling with the mainsail. "I sure am happy I have these handy gills!"
"Aren't you done yet Usopp?" Nami yelled from the upper deck. "Wow. Having gills sure make yelling a whole lot easier." She said before she walked back into the kitchen again. There, she would take a bar of chocolate from the fridge and make herself a cup of tea, whilst the rest of the crew (aka, her slaves) would row the boat in the raging storm. But hey, a woman is a woman.
The Straw Hats slowly but steadily (and painfully) made their way to the nearest island, which happened to be called Half-Note Island. When seen from above, the island looks like a perfectly round ball with a very long and thin beach on the north side. It's surrounded by six small islands called C, D, E, F, G, A and B.
When they finally reached this musical island, all of the straw hats were about to fall asleep of exhaustion. Except for Nami, but she was tired anyway. It's amazing how slacking off while other people do the job can make you so tired.
They found a small tavern they could stay in for the night. Of course, everybody but Nami had to work for it. And as they all lay there, Nami alone in the king-sized bed and the rest on the floor without pillows or sheets. (Robin does not exist for some reason, you see.)
It was in the middle of the night, but Zoro still couldn't fall asleep. Maybe it was because he was just so friggin' cold? You would think so, but no. As if in a trance, he moved out of the room, almost as if he was floating. The storm seemed to have stopped, and only a few drizzling drops were still falling to the ground.
He could feel a light breeze on his bare arms (the rest of his body was covered, you see. Pervert...) and the sakura leafs were slowly falling to the damp ground.
None of this mattered, though, for Zoro's eyes were firmly fixed upon a petite little girl with two long, ruby red braids and a solemn look on her face. With a flute in her mouth, she gently moved back and forth in tact with the music she was playing.
The music was almost magical. Zoro stared at the girl in awe as she played the gloomy song.
When she finally took the flute out of her mouth she smiled at Zoro. A smile so beautiful it could melt a heart of stone.
Somewhere on the left side of his chest, Zoro felt himself melting.
The scene froze and silence filled the room. Zoro, who'd woken up about halfway through, stared at the screen with his eyes as big, or possibly bigger, than saucers.
Sanji was the first of the two to speak. "Who... who was that guy who looked like Zoro?" He asked, confused.
Nami appeared from her orange could again. "That was Zoro!" She said triumphantly.
"Oh, Nami-chwaaan! You're here to replace Zoro?" Sanji sang heartfully and attempted to hug her. Nami, however, managed to sidestep the love cook without breaking a sweat.
She sat down on a chair next to Zoro.
"What're you doing here?" Zoro asked with a frown.
"Oh. I'm bored." Nami replied with a shrug.
"Does that mean I can leave?" Zoro stood up and was about to leave...
"Debt!" Nami exclaimed. Zoro dumped himself on the chair again.
"Well then. Lets continue! But first, a word from out sponsor!"
"I hope you noticed the Nami hate!" The sponsor (a.k.a, me) said and held up a "Lets all hate Nami this one time so that the new character will gain sympathy and be loved by everyone" sign.
"Um... yeah." Said Nami. "Anyways! Lets continue!"
The scene unfroze.
Zoro and the flute girl were standing hand in hand on the Going Merry, whilst the rest of the Straw Hats were staring at them with saucers for eyes.
"And that's why Kana should become a Straw Hat!" Zoro said, frowning. Kana, who's hair had turned emerald green to match her current sweetheart, giggled cutely, making the author want to puke all over the place.
"What's the reason? You just came in here and said 'And that's why Kana should become a Straw Hat!'" Nami said, looking up from the paper she was reading. Meanwhile, the author banged her head into a wall. She couldn't believe she actually used that lame joke!
"Argh!" Zoro groaned in frustration. "Well, I don't have a reason!" He confessed, "but... if you won't let her be a Straw Hat, I'm going to stay here!" He sat down on the floor with a childish scowl in his face.
"Well, okay then, you stay there, and we'll throw this Sue off the boat." Said Nami, who apparently was the only one who realised that Kana was indeed a Sue, and not a naturally born wonderful person."
"No, I don't think we should do that, Nami." Said Luffy. "This woman has stolen my heart away. I want her to be with me, always!" Luffy gomu gomu no took Kana and dragged her to his side. "I will make you the Pirate Queen!" He said pompously because he'd just fallen in love or something.
"Noo!" Usopp screeched and grabbed a hold of the poor, fragile flower's arm. "She's mine!"
From here, a tug-of-war began between the sharpshooter and captain.
"I am your captain!" Luffy yelled, his voice suddenly very dark and manly. "Let go of the maiden!"
"I am a brave warrior of the sea! I will never let the love of my life escape!" Usopp cried, his bare existence screaming manliness.
"Okay, break it up you two!" Said Sanji. He gently released the girl from the two symbols of manliness arms, and she let out a sigh of gratefulness. However, she did not bless the pirates with her heavenly voice, because she lost it at some point in her angsty past.
"It's obvious she loves me!" Sanji continued. The girl's eyes widened and she quickly dashed past the love cock and into the arms of the extremely out of charactered Zoro.
"There, there," he said comforting as he held her close to his bare chest. "I will not let these savages hurt you."
A cute little moan, which could be taken so wrong, escaped her lips. Noticing this, Zoro let her go.
"You should be ashamed of yourselves!" He preached to the three. And with the preaching out of the way, he turned back to Kana. "You have such beautiful, indigo coloured orbs!" He told her as he touched her cheek gently.
The scene froze again.
"Well..." Said Nami and looked at the screen. "We usually only have one pause, but the musician Mary Sue usually needs at least 10 chapters...so we're going through the beginning, the middle and the end."
Nami turned to Sanji and Zoro. Zoro was just staring at the frozen scene in horror, his left eyebrow twitching violently and his hand resting on one of his three katanas.
Sanji, however, was staring at the scene in jealousy, his eyes screaming "We are big, pink and heart shaped! Fear us!"
Nami stared at him for a second before sighing. "He's obviously not getting the point of this..." She muttered. "So onward!"
"Nononono!" Sanji started objecting, waving his hands furiously in the air in front of Nami. "She was indeed beautiful, but nothing exceeds the beauty of your highly desirable body--"
Nami smacked him over the head. "Shut up. Next scene!"
The scene unfroze and showed a deserted place where a battle surely would take place in just a few seconds.
"Arlong!" Luffy yelled out to Arlong. His voice was still strangely dark and manly. "Didn't I kill you?"
"Sha ha ha!" Arlong laughed loudly. "I am not Arlong! I am Barlong, Arlong's long lost twin brother!" Barlong laughed again at the ignorance of the little boy with the über manly voice.
"I have the awesomest powers in the world! In fact, they are so awesome that the Author even refers to them as One Piece!"
Luffy, after hearing the words "One Piece", made a face. "Huooo!" He sounded, his voice finally normal again. "One Piece! You're One Piece?"
"Yes, as a matter of fact, I, Barlong, am incredibly awesome. But only because none of you will be able to beat me. Sha ha ha!"
The battle was unpreventable. Why? The author has no idea, but the Sue has to show off her awesome healing powers.
Barlong somehow managed to manipulate water out of thin air and directed it towards the Straw Hats. The wave completely soaked them, and as it washed away they were all lying on the ground, coughing up tons of water. Only Kana (and breath mint) were okay, since Kana managed to create a protective barrier out of the air and earth elements.
As she gently let herself and Zoro down on the ground, Luffy started to run towards the Arlong look-alike, grabbing a hold of a stone on the way.
"Gomu Gomu no Pistol!" He let go of the stone and let his fist, along with his arm, smashed into the gut of Barlong.
"Sha ha ha!" Barlong laughed. The attack didn't have any effect on him what so ever. "That kind of attack will never hurt me, rubber boy!"
"Arm Blast!" Barlong shouted and blasted his arm at Luffy, knocking him out. Once again, the author banged her head into the wall because of the lame attack name.
Sanji's eyebrows shot up. "That was... easy." he commented. Little did he know that Barlong had blasted his "Foot of Doom" at him. Sanji died a gruesome death. But not really. He was just knocked out too.
Nami, Chopper and Usopp had already fainted of fear because they are just so lame compared to Barlong.
Now, only Zoro and his loved Sue were left conscious, because they're both the shit.
The battle was fierce and bloody, but the author will not get into details, because the author sucks at writing action.
When it ended, Barlong was lying headless in a big lump together with his friends, the pirates who looked and acted exactly like Arlong's crew, but with a B instead of the real first letters.
Zoro, who'd single-handedly protected the unconscious Straw Hats and his woman, was breathing heavily. He was... near death! And the author repressed the urge to exclaim "le gasp!" because it'd totally ruin the mood.
Kana knelt down next to Zoro, grabbing his hand. "Zolo!" She said quietly. "Zolo, don't die!"
Zoro coughed. "It's... it's Zoro." he said before he died.
"Oh, Zolo!" Kana exclaimed again. Big salty tears started gathering in the eyes. "I have to tell you about my angsty past before you can die!" A tear fell down on Zoro, and he immediately woke up. Against his will, the author might add.
"It was Christmas morning. My parents were very poor and very mean, so they forced me to go outside without shoes and sell matches. But nobody wanted to buy them from me. So there I sat in the snow, lightening the matches to keep me warm. With every match I lit, I got hallucinations. Food, presents, everything a poor little girl could wish for. With the last match, I saw my grandmother. She came and took me to the heavens. Thus I died a lonely death."
"You mean you're a..." Zoro started.
"Ghost!" He exclaimed in horror. He'd fallen in love with a ghost!
"No!" Kana frowned at him, but the frown made her look so beautiful that nobody cared. "I am an angel."
Zoro gasped. Luffy gasped. Everybody gasped. Even Barlong even though he was dead. Who could ever foretell this surprise?
With her awesome healing powers, she embedded the Straw Hats in a bright light, making them all healthy again. Little did they know that by doing that, she was giving them her life force. And the Straw Hats made quite a few people who had to be saved, Kana's life force disappeared, leaving her without it. And what happens to people without a life force? That's right. They die.
When everybody were saved, even the ones who were only unconscious and would've woken up anyway, Kana collapsed, as if in a lot of pain. Which she was. She was in tremendous pain.
"Kana!" The Straw Hats exclaimed in horror, all running over to her as fast as they could.
"Doctor!" Chopper exclaimed. "Ah! That's me!" He quickly took a hold of Kana's wrist. It was cold!
"I...I'm sorry. I will be leaving you now... My only regret is that... I can't adventure with you anymore..." She took a deep breath before she continued. "But we will forever be... nakamas!"
And with those as her last words, she died. With one last struggling breath, she died, leaving a beautiful corpse. And the Staw Hats all cried for her.
The scene froze. Nami, Zoro and Sanji were all staring at the screen.
"What the hell..." Nami finally managed to say. She reached for the remote control and with a swift movement of her thumb, she turned the TV off. "Die." She muttered.
Zoro was still staring at the screen after Nami turned it off, possibly in horror. Suddenly he stood up. "I'm leaving." He said and walked out of the set.
Sanji, who was also very shocked, stared after Zoro for a second. "Why you... Leaving Nami-san's show like this!"
"It's okay, Sanji-kun." Nami said. "Sit down, please."
"Of course, Nami-swaaan!" Sanji sat down.
"So to... end this chapter, I will have to tell you what we think of it, and what's next chapter's topic." She paused, looking as if she was thinking.
"Please do not write this kind of stories. Everybody hates them... and that's it. Next week will probably be a deathfic, but we aren't quite sure yet."
Sanji looked at his papers. "That is all folks! Be sure to review on your way out!"
a/n: Sigh. This chapter was not fun to write, and that's why the ending sucked. I'm sorry, but Mary Sues get to me, even if I am the author. Once again, I apologize for any grammar and/or spelling errors I might have missed.
I would also like to point out that not all OCs are Mary Sues. For more info about Sues, google "Mary Sue" and I'm sure you'll find something funny to read.
Oh, and I stole the Sue's background story... I hope you don't mind.