A/N: Hello! This is my first fic, so…basically I have no idea what I'm doing. laughs Please try to bear with me if the gaps between the scenes disappear and you have no idea what's going on—I'm sorry, and I'll figure out how to fix that really soon! Well, this story's really…odd, for lack of another word. It's supposed to be humor, but I've got a weird sense of humor, so I'm not sure how many people will get it. Oh well. Please review!
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters, except for Della.
CHAPTER ONE—Introduction to MUAHAHA
"This is ridiculous," Erk snorted, standing.
"Erk! No!" Serra shouted. "Why are you leaving? I want to play chess against you again!"
"You don't know how to play chess! For the last time—pawns do not move backwards!"
Serra huffed and folded her arms. "So? Come back here, Erk! I said COME BACK HERE! Where are you going?"
"To go see Pricilla," the Mage retorted without even turning to look at Serra.
"Why do you spend so much time with Pricilla?"
"Because she knows how to play chess!"
Serra squealed angrily, at a loss for words. Erk walked away. He was walking outside, under a tree, when all of a sudden a flash of green appeared almost silently at his side. Instantly the Mage recognized Della, the fourteen-year-old tactician.
"Hiya, Erk!" she chirruped.
"Lady Della…" Erk said curiously, "Did you just jump out of that tree?" Della often acted older than she was—being a tactician was a lot of responsibility—but every once in a while…
"Yup," Della replied, grinning. "I was bored! OH MY GOSH I'M SO BORED! I think I'll blame Karel, just because I don't have anyone else to blame." Della ran over and began to climb the tree again, singing something about Fraggles and Muppets. Erk shook his head. Della was usually quite sane—unless she was bored. When she was bored, she snapped and went crazy trying to amuse herself.
"Hey, Erk?" she called from up in the branches. "I really am bored. Do you want to come with me to find some people to hang out with? We could go Hector-hunting, Kent-catching, or Florina-following. Your pick." She dropped out of the tree again, landing without a sound. Erk gave a start.
"How do you do that, Lady Della?"
The tactician grinned. "Matthew taught me. Look what else I can do!" She threw back her head and let out a maniacal, bone-chilling "MUAHAHAHA!"
Erk shivered, and was about to ask where she learned that, when Isadora came galloping out of nowhere and halted in front of the two.
"Della!" she yelled, "What in Elimine's name was THAT?"
"My evil mastermind laughter," Della answered obediantly. Isadora smacked herself on the forehead.
"You've been hanging out with the bad guys again, haven't you? What have I told you about associating with the enemy!"
Della lowered her eyes. "But Ephidel's cool," she said softly.
"EPHIDEL!" Isadora shrieked. "Cool!"
The tactition grinned. "At least I didn't say he's hot."
Isadora shook her head, exasperated, and rode away. Della tapped her chin, thoughtful.
"Really," she mused, "Ephidel's not hot at all. Lord Eliwood, however…" Della burst out laughing at the frightened look on Erk's face. "Calm down, Erk, I was kidding." She grew thoughtful again. "Come to think of it, that's a good way to freak people out. I think I'll go talk about Eliwood to Sain…maybe that'll get Sain to leave me alone." Della skipped away in search of Sain.
"Freak…people….out?" Erk said slowly to himself. What exactly was that supposed to mean? That Della sure was odd sometimes. He watched her retreating figure, skipping along to go find Sain. What did she say? Maybe that'll get Sain to leave me alone. Erk sighed. Great. Now the knight was flirting with the TACTITIAN.
"Where will it end?" the Mage asked nobody in particular.
"It ends right here!" Farina the Pegasus Knight swooped down out of nowhere, smacking Erk right in the forehead with the flat side of her javelin. Erk blacked out.
"Okay," said Matthew, practically bursting with excitement, "Are you ready?"
Legault sighed. "Yes, yes. What did you want to tell me so badly, Matthew?"
"Okay, here it is…we're going to start A BAND!"
Legault raised an eyebrow. "A band? Like a band of thieves? That's really original."
"No, no." Matthew shook his head. "A MUSICAL BAND!"
"………..you mean like Ninian and Nils…?"
"NO!" Matthew whipped out an electric guitar. Legault snapped to attention.
"Woah! What is that thing?"
Matthew shrugged. "I don't know exactly…Della got it for me. She said it's an electric guitar. I figured out how to play it…and it sounds SO COOL!"
"So…what exactly is going on?"
Matthew sighed and explained to Legault what Della had explained to Matthew what one of Della's boy-crazy friends had explained to Della. Boy bands. Matthew was going to start a band.
"So…" Legault concluded slowly, "We are a punk'd…pimpin'…rock-the-house…boy band?"
"YES!" Matthew cheered.
"But Matthew…how are we going to pull that off? All we've got is you, me, and a guitar."
Matthew wagged his finger. "You underestimate me. I also got…a DRUM SET!" Matthew magically whisked a drum set out from behind his back. "You can play this, Legault!"
Legault nodded, starting to like this whole idea. Then he frowned. "But…we can't have a band without a lead singer!"
"I've got it covered," said Matthew, dusting off his shoulder. "I know just the man."
There was a long pause. Then Legault said, rather skeptically:
"Matthew? I don't know if you noticed, but…Jaffar doesn't talk. Like, ever. To Anyone. What makes you think he's going to SING?"
Matthew waved his hand as if to wave his fellow thief's question away. "It doesn't matter. We have an image. That's all we need." He paused thoughtfully. "Well, we might need Nino, too. You know how fond Jaffar is of Nino. Now…go get Jaffar and tell him that he has been suddenly elected into a band without his previous consent."
"Me? Why do I have to do it?"
"Because he'll kill ME," Matthew said meekly. "You guys worked together, your chances of surviving are 27 greater than mine."
"Oh great," said Legault sarcastically. "Thanks." He sighed and stood, ready to go get Jaffar anyway. He walked out the door and bumped into Pricilla, who was walking down the hallway.
"Sorry!" she said.
"Just blame Karel.," Legault muttered, ready to run. He hated clerics…they were so…KIND.
"Are you hurt? I can heal you if you are, I'm so sorry—"
"Don't worry about it." the thief said quickly. "I'm in a hurry, you know, places to go, things to steal…"
Pricilla looked alarmed. "What?"
"Uh…'green blue teal', that's what I said. Those are my favorite colors. See you around." Legault ran away. Pricilla, looking perturbed, poked her head into the room where Matthew was.
"Um, excuse me…have you seen Erk lately?"
"Erk? Yeah." Matthew shrugged nonchalantly. "He was lying unconscious outside. Blame Karel."
Pricilla gasped and ran outside.
Matthew went to go get a snack.
"Muaha!" Ephidel whipped out a sword and did some pretty fancy work with it. Linus was impressed. He leaned forward, always willing to learn a new sword move.
"How do you do that, Ephidel?"
Ephidel grinned. "Lloyd taught me. Look what else I can do!" He threw back his head and let out a maniacal, bone-chilling "tee hee hee!"
Linus shivered, and was about to ask where he learned that, when Nergal came magicking out of nowhere and halted in front of the two.
"Ephidel!" he yelled, "What in evil's name was THAT?"
"My sweet innocent giggly laughter," Ephidel answered obediently. Nergal smacked himself on the forehead.
"You've been hanging out with the good guys again, haven't you? What have I told you about associating with the enemy!"
Ephidel lowered his eyes. "But Della's cool," he said softly.
"DELLA!" Nergal shrieked. "Cool!"
The morph grinned. "At least I didn't say she's hot."
Nergal shook his head, exasperated, and teleported away. Ephidel tapped his chin, thoughtful.
"Really," he mused, "Della's not hot at all. Sonia, however…" Ephidel burst out laughing at the frightened look on Linus's face. "Calm down, Linus, I was kidding." He grew thoughtful again. "Come to think of it, that's a good way to freak people out. I think I'll go talk about Sonia to Limstella…maybe that'll get Limstella to leave me alone." Ephidel skipped away in search of Limstella.