June 16th

Testing. Testing. My name is Draco Malfoy. I am eleven years old. I am the best
wizard ever. I am wonderful. I am brilliant. I am gorgeous. This quill pen works.
Good. Someone gave me this diary as a birthday present. I'm writing in it now to
show how much I love it.

Why did they buy me a diary? Do they think I'm gay?

July 21st

How stupid is this? Lucius told me to start keeping a diary. Well, he said journal,
but I know they're the same thing. I think it's because my Hogwarts letter arrived
today. Good. I'm glad. Means I can get away from my boring, soppy mother and
my overbearing, over strict father.

I wanted to go to Hogwarts, anyway. Lucius wanted me to go to Durmstrang, but
it was an awfully long way away, and mummy dearest wanted me to be close by.
Don't know why, exactly. I just think Hogwarts sounds better. More English, more

I'm going to be in Slytherin.

Malfoys have always gone to Hogwarts. Lucius just thinks he's better than any
other Malfoy that's ever existed. I already know about loads of Dark Arts stuff,
and Durmstrang'll be too cold.

So I'm glad that I'm going to Hogwarts.

This stupid journal has managed to establish that one fact, then. Wonderful. I'm
sure Lucius has visions of me actually writing down my plans to take over the
world. Not that I have plans to take over the world, he just expects me to. Well,
not bloody likely. What would I want to do something like that for? Just means
more work. I think I'm too lazy to be the son Lucius wants.

Well, fuck him.

Oh no, naughty. I swore in my diary. That's another thing. If you're reading this
now, in the morning you'll have enormous, sore, painful boils all over your face
and arms. Ha ha ha. Score one for me.

That's all for now. In a few weeks I'm off to Diagon Alley to get my school things.
Let the games begin.

Ha. Ha. Ha.

August 3rd

Went to Diagon Alley. Got bored. Had ice-cream. Had Bertie Botts. Think sweets
have got something against me, kept picking out spit flavour. Bought books and
robes and things. Met stupid boy in robe shop. He's going to Hogwarts too, bet
he's a Hufflepuff.

Oh yeah, I got my wand. That was the best thing about the entire day. We went
into Ollivander's, and he didn't look very pleased to see my father. Don't blame
him. Lucius has a terrible temper. Plus, he was wearing some very ugly purple
robes. Made him look like like an enormous grape.

Anyway, Ollivander gave me tons of wands to use. None of them worked, and he
was getting more and more excited. Kept muttering things under his breath. In a
perverted way, I think it was turning him on. Then finally I swished this wand, my
wand, through the air and it made silver stars.

I'd done a little magic before, of course, but not like this. It made my arm go all
warm, and then it was warm all over my body, right down to my toes. Turns out
my wand's ten inches, yew, rather tough with a core made from the hair of a

Veelas are these beautiful women and no man is immune to their charms. Ha.
Suits me.

That was the best thing. The worst thing was when we got home. I told Lucius
that he looked like an enormous grape. I mean, he really, really did. I was doing
the man a favour.

I should have kept my mouth shut.

September 1st

Today was my first day at Hoggy Warty Hogwarts. Quite eventful, actually. Hope
none of the other Slytherins see me writing in this thing. On second thoughts,
none of them would do anything. I'm the most popular first year. In my house.
The most popular first year in the school would have to be Potter.

Wonderful Harry Potter.

Better start from the beginning. Got up quite early in the morning, and Narcissca
insisted on delivering me to the station. Lucius just stayed in bed. We got to the
station, she started crying, I gave he a quick kiss on the cheek, and walked
through the platform wall.

There was no-one else there. I was the first. I felt like a right idiot, stood there, all
by myself. But Malfoys keep a stiff upper lip, so I stayed there. Then, little by
little, other people started to arrive. I saw Crabbe and Goyle, my friends back
home. Well, not really friends. Lackeys. They just generally do everything I say.
We went and grabbed a compartment and sat there in silence for a while.

This stupid simpering girl poked her head round the door. God, she's ugly. Pansy
Parkinson, she's got a face like a dog. She is a dog. Took one look at me and
started blushing, asking if she could sit with us. Can't blame her. One good thing
the grape gave me was his face. I told her no, of course, and she just sat down

So I left the compartment and went in search of fun. C and G followed. There
was a rumour going around about Harry Potter being on the train. I didn't really
believe it, but I thought I should go and introduce myself. Always good to make

Potter turned out to be the specky git from Madame Malkin's! It was all I could do
to keep from laughing. Then the ugly Weasley boy he was hanging around with
stated laughing at my name.

Better than his. Ron Weasley. What sort of a name is Ron? Draco is about ten
times better, it means dragon. Ha. I'm a dragon, and Ron's just a freckle faced,
ugly, poor Weasel. The Weasel and Potty. Ha ha ha.

I offered Potter a seat in my compartment, but the stuck up tosspot threw it back
in my face. Didn't even offer us a chocolate frog, then the Weasel's mangy rat
attacked Goyle! Well, we excused ourselves and returned to the compartment.

I slept most of the way. It was really very boring. Another ugly, bushy haired girl
called Hermione shoved her face in the door, started going on about some toad
gone missing. I just sneered at her and she went away.

Are all witches actually disgustingly ugly?

I swear, I haven't seen a single good looking one since I got on the stupid train. I
need to find another adjective. Stupid doesn't even cover what happened next.

We had to ride in boats. With Hagrid, the giant mistake. Nature's freak called us
all over, and I got pond weed on my new cloak. It wasn't exactly a earth shaking

The Sorting Hat thing was yawn. I knew I'd be in Slytherin. When I shoved the
stupid thing on my head I just thought I'm in Slytherin. It told me that it would put
me where it wanted and I threatened to hunt it down and burn it. Then it just
yelled Slytherin. Ha. As if an imbecilic hat could decide anything for itself?

I knew Potter would be in Gryffindor. Well, hope he has fun there. Everyone
knows Gryffindors are all brawn and no brains.

So then there was a huge feast, blah, blah, blah.

Nothing else really happened. I got into the common room and we met Professor
Snape. He's the head of our house, and I think he's brilliant. He's really clever,
and he was really horrible to this Hufflepuff who got in the way. That's what
Dumbledore should be like.

Anyway, I called a bed. It's not as comfortable as our one at home. The Slytherin
common room and dormitories are really dark and cold. I'm just glad that there's
fires in each room.

I miss Narcissca a little. Only because she used to leave chocolate frogs on my
pillow every night. The grape can go and kill himself for all I care.

So actually I just miss the chocolate frogs.