The Mandatory Dumbledore-is-Gay Fic

I'm aware I haven't updated this story in forever. I've been off writing TMNT and Naruto fics... And I really haven't had any inspiration lately. The latest book kinda killed my love of Potterness. I still like the series, it just doesn't excite me as much anymore. Also, I know I'm a lazy bastard. I mean, I'm pretty sure I've stated this before. This should come as no surprise to you.

P.S. I did recently write a Marauders story but I posted it separately from this one because it didn't mostly focus on Harry, Ron, or Hermione. Go check that out!

Warnings: Spoilers, Gayness, Lazy half-ass-ed-ly written story.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione made their way down to the Great Hall for some impromptu assembly that Dumbledore had just called. They had no earthly idea what it could be about. Harry fervently hoped it was not about the mysterious 'fap fap fap' noises that were frequently heard coming from the third floor boy's restroom (that sure would be embarrassing).

"Oi, Harry," Ron said, elbowing his friend in the ribs. "D'ya reckon he's gay?"

"Don't be a wanker, Ron."

"No, that's you."


"Both of you, hush!" Hermione interjected as they were just sitting down to hear what their headmaster had to say.

Dumbledore made his way to the podium that had been set up for just such an occasion. For reasons unknown, his beard was dyed a spectacular shade of hot pink and he was wearing a rainbow tie-dyed robe and matching wizard hat.

"Bloody hell, he's a hippie! I knew it!" Ron spluttered, only to be jabbed hard by Hermione's elbow.

"Students," the old man began, "It seems that I have something I must confess. Please brace yourselves, as this may come as quite a shock."

Somewhere off in a distant corner, a cricket chirped. All eyes were on Dumbledore, and many mouths hung open stupidly. Then he continued:

"I... am a homosexual."

Again, the same cricket chirped. Several people whispered something along the lines of "...And?" Someone in the back yelled "WE KNOW!" and louder whispers of agreement spread like ripples of water from the person who'd shouted.

"You...Know?" Dumbledore looked genuinely confused.

A prefect in the front stood up and said, "Yes, sir. We all thought it was rather obvious."

"Ah...Well, in the case, I'll be off on my honeymoon for the next week. Also, in celebration, classes are canceled until I return," he turned to look over his shoulder and called out something inaudible, as the cheers of the students were so loud.

When the cheers died down, Dumbledore looked slightly annoyed (as annoyed as someone so patient can be) and turned to call again.

"Severus, I saidcome here!"

Dead silence.

Snape came out onto the platform dressed in an admittedly gorgeous white wedding dress.

"You...called, sir?" He said, looking severely annoyed and unhappy to be humiliated in such a way (you'd think he'd be used to being humiliated in front of large numbers of people by now).

"Off we go, my darling Snape-A-Doodle!" They linked arms and skipped merrily (though Snape was more or less dragged) away.

"Ah..." Harry said, breaking the silence. "Does that mean...we can go now?" And the students all got up and wandered away, in varying states of shock and awe. Some were crying out of sheer happiness for the newly wed couple.


I HAD TO DO IT! But even if Dumbledore is gay, we all know Snape's true love is Hedwig.