By Marcus L. Rowland
These are short "pure" BtVS / Angel stories written for various games on the Twisting the Hellmouth forums. I thought that some of them deserved a wider audience. Crossovers, and stories that don't involve the Buffyverse, have been posted separately. Some of these stories were written for death games, others for games in which characters were brought back to life, or their relationships were destroyed.
All characters belong to their respective creators; this story may not be distributed on a profit-making basis.
Angel unwrapped the present Harmony had sent him for his 250th birthday, an aggressively modern couch made of glass tubes. He gingerly lay on it, found that it seemed to support his weight quite well, then noticed that there was a power cable.
"Hmm... must be some sort of massage system..."
Angel plugged it in, and felt mercifully brief agony as the 3 KW sunbed reduced him to ashes. After a few minutes the automatic timer switched off, and the door opened.
"Was that what you wanted?" asked Harmony.
"Perfect," said Eve, giving her $10,000 and a one-way ticket to Mexico.
"Xander!" shouted Willow, "when did you get back from your business trip?"
"Way too late, apparently." said Xander, staring at Willow and Tara. Tara smiled, apologetically, and dove under the covers to hide her nakedness.
"I'm sorry," said Willow, "it was just... well, she was the only person around here I could really talk to about magic, now Giles is back in England, and one thing kinda led to another."
"It's bad enough you're cheating on me," said Xander, "what's Anya gonna say when she finds out that her girlfriend's cheating on her? What's she gonna do?"
"I... I just don't know," said Willow. "Oh, I wish that we'd never been engaged, that we'd never really been in love, then maybe you'd still be with Anya and she wouldn't have fallen for Tara."
Behind Xander a veiny-faced Anya said "Wish granted."
"Xander!" shouted Willow, "when did you get back from your trip?"
"Anya and I just got in," said Xander. "Anya's downstairs, setting up the slide projector with the honeymoon pictures. Sorry I woke you, I didn't expect you'd still be in bed. "
"It's okay, no big deal. Just a late night."
Beside her a mound of blankets stirred, and a bleary face peered out. "Xander?"
"Hi Buffy. Sorry to disturb you..."
"No biggie. Hey, put some coffee on, we'll be down in a few minutes."
"Tea for me," said Willow.
"Make a big pot," said Buffy, "Amy's coming over with her new girlfriend."
"Another one?" asked Xander.
"Girl called Tara," said Willow. "Seems kinda nice, not sure she's cut out for life in Sunnydale though..."
"It was quite simple really," said Giles. "I knew that the Wand of Thoth would split you into two beings, one with all with your good qualities, the other with the bad. Normally if one died the other would die too, but I... ah... tweaked the spell a little. It put all the life into one body, all the illness into the other. The result was that the second body never lived, and since the life force was entirely in yours..."
Joyce stared at her body, and felt better than she had in years. She said "We'll have to clear that... thing away before Buffy and Dawn get home, we wouldn't want to upset them."
"It'll disintegrate in a few minutes," said Giles. "Won't even mark the unholstery."
"We'd better find something to do while we're waiting," said Joyce, moving closer to him.
"Something to do?" said Giles, slightly alarmed.
"Last time it took band candy," said Joyce, unbuttoning his shirt, "but I think we can do without it this time..."
They were both too busy to notice when the body finally disappeared.
Kendra wakes in the coffin, spitting clotted blood from her mouth. What the hell? She's breathing, that's one thing, and she wants water to drink, not blood. Somehow she knows it's been days since Drusilla killed her.
There's a noise outside, a rythmic scraping. Someone digging? She hammers on padded silk, tries to break through the lid, feels the wood starting to crack. Faintly she hears a woman's voice. "Stay calm, I'm getting you out." Kendra lies back, tries to relax.
Wood splinters, and Kendra shields her eyes from the bright light of day. There's a final crack and the lid swings open. There's woman looking down at her. She reaches her hand down, and helps Kendra out. Two workmen stand back.
"What the hell happened?" asks Kendra.
"Your parents had a contract with us until the Watchers found you," says the woman, "With your death ownership reverts to us."
"Sorry, where are my manners? I'm Lilah Morgan, welcome to Wolfram and Hart..."
"Numfar," said Sweet, "do the dance of spontaneous combustion!"