Acid burns and Radiation decays

Shinji straightened his clothes and dug through his seabag, as they hit the winding and scenic road outside Tokyo 3. It was amazing how much Misato's driving skills improved when the roads were clear and missiles weren't going off all around them.

He'd just found his SDAT player when Misato pulled the car off onto a scenic overlook and set the parking break.

Shinji looked up from his bag as she undid her seatbelt. "Ahh, the old 'we've run out of gas' routine. I hope you don't expect me to fall for that," his voice trailed off for a second, "more then once or twice a week anyway."

Misato grinned. "I wanna see how the battle's going and this is the last chance before we hit the tunnel." She explained before she reached over and grabbed a pair of binoculars from the glove box and aimed them at the ongoing battle that could be seen even from this distance.

Shinji paid her no mind as he fiddled with SDAT player. Being in a battle was exciting, watching one a lot less so. Personally he would much rather be having lunch, he'd missed it waiting for Misato, than watching some overly large monster get blown up by the JSDF. Solid monsters were easy to deal with, it was the immaterial ones that were a pain in the ass.


-Military complex war room-

Note: In order to avoid rehashing boring old scenes that don't differ significantly from canon, all technical jargon has been removed and everything has been translated from 'diplomatic speech' into 'teenage boy bragging about dick size'.

"Hah! Like those overgrown tinker toys you've got will be of any use. Watch this shit!" an American four star general yelled.

Everyone watched the monitor as a fighter launched a rather large missile with N2 stenciled on the side.


The monitor screen dissolved to static, as the blast wiped out the camera monitoring the battle.

"Hah, I love blowin' shit up!" the general smirked.

"Let the dust settle and you'll see how worthless your shit is." Gendo muttered, leaning back in his chair and touching fists with his dog, Fuyutsuki.

"Nigga, please! Ain't nothin' gonna walk away from a nuclear bitch slap."


Shinji was startled out of his thoughts by Misato yelling, "Shinji, get down!" and smothering him in her cleavage.

A solid wave of sound and light flipped the car over and back onto the highway, as it passed, leaving Shinji on the roof with Misato sprawled on top of him.

"I owe you three." Shinji murmured several minutes later, when the car stopped vibrating and the aftershocks had died down.

"Two." Misato mumbled, dazed and a bit red.

"What?" Shinji asked, as Misato rolled off of him, his ears still ringing a bit, despite the very comfortable earmuffs he'd been wearing.

"I said, Watch the tongue mister!" Misato replied, before frowning and pulling a small grey kitten from her shirt with a surprised expression.

"Bad, Mr. Bigglesworth! You know that's second date material and we've only just met her, despite any promises we both may have made." Shinji scolded the kitten, as he took him back from Misato and crawled out of the car.

Mr. Bigglesworth gave a questioning meow, while Shinji regained his feet.

"No, I'm pretty sure you can't get beer out of them. I'll see what I can do about getting some with lunch, ya little lush." Shinji promised as the kitten vanished into his hair again.

Misato was distracted from the two as she surveyed her car. "Oh, God! It's a wreck and I still have 52 payments left on it." she moaned.

"Misato, relax. I'm pretty sure your insurance company will cover it. They can hardly blame you for the explosion and the JSDF has always covered local damages, since that incident when a parade float of Godzilla got loose and they overreacted."

Misato perked back up. "You're right. Let's flip this baby over and see if she still runs. We're late enough as it is."

With Shinji's help she easily got it back onto its wheels, but the slowly dripping battery acid underneath the engine let them know that they weren't exactly going to be driving it to the Geofront anytime soon. Fortunately they could still coast and it was all downhill to the last gas station they had passed.


-Military complex war room-

Note: In order to avoid rehashing boring old scenes that don't differ significantly from canon, all technical jargon has been removed and everything has been translated from 'diplomatic speech' into 'teenage boy bragging about dick size'.

"Shit, dog, the dusts done cleared and it's still standin'. Looks like it's chillin'. Just waitin' ta catch it's breath or some shit." The soldier watching the monitor announced.

"Fuck! Guess you got your shot, but you damn well better come through or I'm gonna bust a cap in yo ass!" The general bitched.

"Aint no thing, but a chicken wing. I got your back. You about to see how Gendo gets up in that shit!"


"I'll requisition us a battery. You wait here." Misato said, as she went to steal a replacement battery.

Shinji waited about five seconds before hoping out of the car and hitting the vending machines. Seeing the wide selection of items available brought a smile to his face. "God, I love Japan!"

Loaded up with all manner of items, he hoped back in the car just as Misato arrived carrying a replacement battery.

Despite the weight she moved pretty quickly and already had the leaking battery on the curb and the new one in place by the time he got to her.

He groaned when she smiled at him.

"What?" She asked confused.

"Take off your clothes quickly."


"You've gotten battery acid all over your clothes. Unless you like chemical burns, strip!"

Misato stripped down to her underwear in record time, covering herself with her hands.

Shinji groaned again.

"What now?" She asked, exasperated.

"You just got battery acid all over your underwear. Take them off and don't touch anything you don't feel like having chemical burns on!"

"But my hands are dry!" She protested.

"Car batteries have wet cells, but they boil a little from the heat of the engine, leaving a thin layer of powdered acid on them that reactivates with just a little moisture, like sweat.." Shinji explained.

Misato groaned and stripped the rest of the way, any small inhibitions she may have had being washed away in her desire to not end up burned.

"Don't touch yourself!" Shinji yelled, before she could do anything else.

"What?" Misato yelped, her hands frozen just above the parts of her she was about to cover up and thinking that this scene reminded her of a particular incident in catholic school far too much.

"Your hands are still covered in a thin layer of powdered acid and anything you touch I'm going to have to pat down with baking powder. So unless you want me fondling you this early in our relationship, I'd suggest keeping your hands away from everything, especially your face. It's murder on the eyes. One of the kids in my auto shop class found that out the hard way. He rubbed his eyes and scratched himself, completely ignoring the safety lecture and ended up having to wear special glasses for a week and he walked funny for months."

Shinji checked the door to the gas station mini-mart and found it unlocked. Holding the door open he shooed her in and lead her to the bathroom opening the door for her. "Don't touch anything. I'll be right back."

Shinji returned with a box of baking powder from the garage, that they likely kept around for just this reason, and sprinkled it on her hands. "Rub them together. The baking powder should take it right off."

He took a handful and patted down her back and rear.

"I can buy my back needing some, but my butt?" She commented wryly figuring he was just copping a feel.

"Are you going to claim you stood here naked and didn't scratch your butt once?"

"Well..." Misato blushed.

"When standing around naked, everyone scratches their butt and occasionally their inner thigh." Shinji explained, while powdering and patting down her hips.

"How do you know that?"

"I had to do a psychology report on unconscious reflexes and the teacher was a femi-nazi. So I picked a subject that sounded like it made men look bad, because everyone 'knows' men tend to scratch themselves, but I showed it actually applied to both the sexes equally."

"I never knew that."

"Yeah, I got an A, once I appealed the F she gave me anyway." Shinji muttered, covering Misato's breasts in powder and doing a very thorough job in making sure there was no chance of them getting any burns whatsoever.

"Are you sure this isn't just for a cheap thrill?" Misato smirked.

Shinji grinned unrepentantly. "It's both a cheap thrill and a medical necessity. If you don't think I'm enjoying this, then you have no idea how beautiful you are. Besides, how often do you think I'll get a chance to strip you naked in public and put my hands all over you?"

Misato laughed and grabbed the box of powder before Shinji's hands could get any lower. "I think I can handle the rest. How about you seeing if you can find me anything to wear?"

Shinji sighed mournfully. "I see how you are, use me for my vast 'How to avoid ending up in a burn ward' knowledge and then kick me out before we get to the really fun bit! Well, Missy, just for that I'm not going to tell you that you can brush off all the powder in a minute or two and be fine!"

Misato laughed as Shinji stormed off in an obviously fake snit and finished covering herself in powder. 'He's quite a character.'

Looking down at her heavily powdered breasts she wondered, 'Why didn't he comment on my scar?' She rubbed gently at the six inch long, jagged reminder of what her father had sacrificed for her that decorated the bottom half of the valley between her breasts and was partially covered by the large silver crucifix she wore.


Shinji snickered as he stared at the only clothes they had available in the mini-mart. 'Well it is summer.'

Hurrying back to make the most of the remaining time he had with a naked Misato, Shinji had to wonder if she would get pissed if she learned that the powder pretty much neutralized the acid on contact. 'Well, better safe than sorry, I always say.'


-The Geofront-

"Where the hell is Misato?" Ritsuko muttered to herself as she checked the camera on the angel and wondered if the person in charge would arrive before the angel did.

"She better not be off drinking somewhere." The irritated scientist grumbled.


Misato too another sip of beer as they flew down the road. "I can't believe you have a note from your doctor that allows you to drink legally."

Shinji carefully tilted his beer just enough to let Mr. Bigglesworth lap some from the can. "Yeah, I've also got one from my shrink allowing me to curse freely on school property."

"How the hell did you get a license to drink and swear and why do you have a shrink?"
Misato flipped her empty can out the window and accepted a fresh one from her underage, for the purposes of drinking at least, passenger.

"Pig fucker, fucked with my life so much that I developed 'anger issues'." Shinji made little air quotes before continuing.

"The real kicker is that he didn't even care enough to try and hide his involvement in fucking me over, so after it became obvious what was going on, my school appointed shrink, don't ask, gave me signed notes allowing me to participate in all the typical adult pastimes for relieving stress. I'm still not sure how he got the Emperor's stamp on them."

"Holy shit! I could have really used those while I was in school." 'Damn, Nuns and their stupid rules!'

Shinji snickered. "Are you claiming you didn't engage in all those things as a teen?"

"Well... no, but it would have been nice to have a doctor's excuse for all the times I got caught doing them." She adjusted the tiny white bikini that she was barely wearing.

Both of them shared a laugh at her teenage self's misfortune.

"So, do you read the booklets on Nerve he sent you?"

Shinji smirked. "Do the words 'set on fire' and 'pissed on the ashes' sound familiar?"

"You were serious?"

"As a heart attack. Pig-fucker actually rates below genital warts in the Shinji Lexicon of things I like."

"So you didn't read the stuff he sent you or have the ID card?"

"Nope. I didn't think they were all that important, they were from Pig-fucker after all, so they were probably ninety percent lies and ten percent more lies."

"Pig-fuc... I mean Commander Ikari, is in charge of Nerve. It's the single most important organization on the face of the Earth right now."

"What?! Who the hell would be stupid enough to put that nutcase in charge of anything?"

"The UN. The creature that they dropped an N2 mine on back there, wasn't just some typical kaiju, it was an angel. Nerve was created to fight them."

"My father is in charge of an organization designed to fight angels? I knew he was going to hell when he died, but I never knew he was actually Satan himself. Although, the title; Prince of Lies certainly suits him."

"They aren't really angels, that's just the code name. They are extra terrestrial entities bent on destroying all mankind. They plan on setting off an event called third impact that will wipe mankind off the map."

"They plan on hitting the earth with another meteor?"

"No, the story about second impact being caused by a meteor is a lie, trust me on that. I don't know everything, it's classified beyond my clearance level, but I do know that all it takes is for one of the angels to destroy the base and humanity will be left defenseless against them."

"My father, Gendo 'Pig-fucker' Ikari, is in charge of saving the human race?"


Shinji drained his beer in one go and tossed the empty can out the window. "We are so fucking doomed it's not even funny."