Just so you know, this fanfiction wasn't made to make fun of Alex nor his long hair. This was made by my wonderment of how Alex managed to get such nice hair in an era without hair conditioner (And probably not shampoo either), hair dryers, and all the other hair supplies that we have in our modern world.
I do not hate Alex or love him to death like some stupid fan who is oblivous to the fact that he is main villian in the game. True, he is my favorite character, but I am well aware of the fact that he's powerhungry and tried to claim the Golden Sun for himself. Unlike those fans who keep on insisting that he was doing so to prove his love to Mia or whatever, I like him because he's evil and manipulative. I have an odd tendancy to like antagonists; so sue me.
Disclaimer: I do not own Golden Sun. It's owned by the rotting corpse of King Arthur. I mean, it's owned by Camelot. But bah, Camelot, King Arthur; same thing.
Alex's Bad Hair Day
Alex growled in fustration as he tried to dry his long hair. It was already past midnight and his hair was still not dry yet. He was going to wake up at dawn to continue the journey of lighting the lighthouses. At this rate, if he was lucky, he would get three hours of sleep.
Why wouldn't his hair dry? He had been rubbing it with a towel for the last half an hour. He really shouldn't have grown such long and thick hair. Really.
Menardi always said that he was either an idiot or a transvestite. So did Saturos and everyone else, for all Alex knew. But it wasn't true. He kept his hair long because they always arrived at the inn at seven, the earliest, and left at daybreak. So it wasn't like he had any time to get his hair cut. But since it was so long, he figured that he at least wanted to not look like a crazed beggar, and made it nice and orderly.
Sometimes, he contemplated on hacking it off with his sword, but he had grown accustomed to it. Besides, he attacted so many women like this. They would fawn over him like the idiots they were. And it was so pleasing to snap at them with hurtful words and drive them off. Yes, he was a sadist. And proud to be one.
He sighed, finally throwing the towel onto the wooden floor. He would just sleep with his hair still wet. It would be a bit uncomfortable, but it would be more so trekking through a desert, or wherever Saturos and Menardi and planned to take them to, without enough rest.
He fell onto his pillow, with his hair careless sprawled on his back. He was too tired to bother.
"What the hell?" Alex smashed his fist onto the dresser table. He would've smashed harder, if not for the fact that he would have to pay for broken property.
His hair was not only defying gravity, but also messed up in so many places that he couldn't even begin to count.
Alex grabbed the nearest brush and began fervently rearranging his hair. But to no avail. "My hair... Will not... Look like... a TRASH HEAP!"
After grabbing a comb too and fixing his hair at what one could swear was the speed of light for an hour, he managed to get all the knots out. But his hair was still messed up.
"Alex! What the hell is taking so long? We're burning daylight here!" Menardi pestered outside his door.
"Just wait! I have to... Fix... Something!"
"What the hell is so important? Fix it on the journey!"
"Why the hell not?" Hell was apparently one of her favorite words this day.
"I just can't!"
"Just tell me what the stupid problem is! Everyone's waiting! Even the old man!"
"It's something important, okay? And I can't tell you what it is!" Alex roared. Why couldn't she just leave him alone?
"Why's it so important? And why can't I know what it is? If you're going to live off of my money, I have every right to know what the hell is taking you so long!"
"Actually, it's my money," Saturos muttered.
"Do you want to get burned?" Menardi barked, "And open this freaking door right now, Alex, or I'm going to burn it down!" She raised her hand, about to burn it, but Saturos grabbed her hand.
"Don't burn it! If you do, I'll have to pay for it all! But get the hell out of that room, Alex!"
Alex still refused to let anyone see him in his condition.
"Alex! What's the matter? Open the door!" Felix tried, trying to sound as patient as he could.
"I can't tell anyone! Now leave me alone! It's really, really important! You just have to trust me!"
"Open the frigging door!"
The arguement continued for another hour before Jenna got fed up.
"I swear, what the hell is the problem?" Jenna burned down the door with a Flare and proceeded in.
Alex quickly warped himself into the bathroom, "You can't see!"
"I'm blasting open that door!" Jenna threatened.
"No! Don't! My money-" Saturos gasped, fingering the cinders on the ground that was once the door.
It was too late. The door was down and Alex stood in the doorway, ready to strangle Jenna once she started laughing.
She blinked. "That's it?"
"That's it? What do you mean, that's it? I can't go out like this! Never! And if you say one word-"
"Just wet your hair and comb it through."
"You heard me."
Now it was Alex's turn to blink, "Huh?"
"Idiot! You're a Mercury Adept! How could you waste two whole hours?" Jenna cried out, smacking him on the head as she would often do to Isaac and Garet.
"I don't understand-"
"Wet your freaking hair and comb it through and it'll be fine!" Jenna resisted the urge to scorch him or else he would spend another two hours fixing his burnt hair.
Menardi sighed from behind Jenna, "Really, if you're going to have long hair, at least know how to take care of it, transvestite."
"I'm not a cross-dresser!" Alex yelled defensively.
"Then cut your hair!" Saturos snapped before either of the females could open their mouth.
"And you too, Felix!" Jenna trudged to her brother and yanked him by his ponytail, "We're finally reunited after three years and you make me tie up your hair! You're a horrible older brother!"
"Ow, ow, okay, fine! Sheesh! Women..."
"It better be nothing!" Jenna barked.
"My hair's getting frizzy," Alex complained, trudging through a desert.
"So is mine! But you don't hear me complaining!" Menardi snapped.
"That's because it's your fault that we're trudging through this God forsaken desert and getting frizzy hair!" Alex snapped back.
Kraden tried to pacify them, "Now, now, we shouldn't argue like this-"
"Shut the hell up, old man!" Both Alex and Menardi screamed in his face.
"I was only trying to-"
"You heard the women! Shut up!" Saturos yelled.
Alex snapped around, facing Saturos. In a dangerous voice, he asked, "What did you call me...?"
"I wouldn't call you a women if you would only cut your hair!" Saturos wasn't at all afraid of Alex.
"How about I give you a helping of water?" Alex pointed a finger at Saturos.
"How about I give you both a helping of Flare?" Jenna snapped, whacking both on the head with her staff. She most certainly was getting accustomed to the group.
"Just shut the hell up!" Felix finally lost his cool demeanor and gave everyone a helping of Earthquake, even poor old Kraden, who had done nothing wrong but talk too much.
"You are a horrible older brother!" Jenna repeated her phrase that morning.
"I know! You've said it at least five million times!"
"I'm fed up with all of you!" Menardi decided to scorch everyone to a burnt crisp and proceeded to drag them to the next town.
"Look what you did to my hair!" Alex protested as he was dragged on the sand.
This was rather pointless... And everyone was pretty much out of character... But hell, this is better written than my first Golden Sun fic (Which is deleted, I think. I can't remember).