Prince of Tennis © Takeshi Konomi

This is the single most retarded thing I have ever written. But then, it was written in total haste, so bear with me.

"Happy birthday."

Kirihara stopped as he heard the voice float in from behind him. Turning around, the teen saw Jackal walking up to him with a small box in hand. Kirihara smirked. So people were actually nice enough to get him…

"A stick," Kirihara said in monotonously. "You got me a stick?"

"No. It's an ember that will light your way down a path paved with good intentions," Jackal recited, having a bit of fun with sarcasm.

"So it can burn," Kirihara snorted, tossing it at one of the poor first years. "Big deal. So can all the other sticks in the world."

"Akaya, don't be throwing things," Yanagi had appeared from behind the two. "And happy birthday."

A small package, about the size of the one Jackal had given him, was presented in front of Kirihara, who took it more gratefully than the former one. After all, Yanagi wouldn't give him anything bad, right? Ehehehe… wrong.

"Yanagi-sempai… eh," Kirihara began as he looked at the small glass vial filled with bubbling blue liquid with an air of confusion and a bit of fright. "What… what is this?"

"Oh, just something my friend Sadaharu created," Yanagi replied. "It's very good for your body."

I doubt that Kirihara thought miserably. The moment his senpai wasn't looking, Kirihara had opened up the vial and dumped it onto a nearby patch of grass. Poor grass. They wilted immediately, shriveling up into black power. Kiri gulped. Truly horrific it was.

"Oh, there you guys are!"

Bobbing out from a crowd of second years in the corner was none other than our favorite pink-haired tennis player, blowing tiny green bubbles, as he made his way over to the trio.

"Happy birthday!" Marui exclaimed as he reached into his pocket and withdrew a small package wrapped in green and pushed it in front of Kirihara.

"… You gave me chap stick?" the teen whined miserably as he took a peek at the so-called 'gift'. Really! Was anyone capable of getting something that wasn't stupid, toxic, or just plain retarded?

"No! Not just any chapstick!" Marui exclaimed, throwing out his arms to emphasize the fact. "It's edible chapstick! You can eat it!"

"…Why would I want to eat chapstick!" Kirihara pouted as he threw up his hands in exasperation.

"Because you're hungry?" Marui suggested. "I got it in bubblegum flavor though..." Kirihara groaned. He was really beginning to rethink the fact that all his sempai's were smart. From the looks of it, they were all idiots.

"Happy birthday!"

Kirihara nearly fell face front into the ground as he felt someone latch onto him from behind. Kirihara groaned. Judging from the annoyingly taunting voice and the fact that he was able actually get within five feet of the teen without him noticing, it must have been…

"Get off of me, Niou-senpai," Kirihara hissed.

"Get off of him, Niou-kun," Yagyuu added. Letting out a snicker, Niou obliged. "And happy birthday, Kirihara."

Kirihara stifled a sigh as he took the small package, slightly larger that the others, from Yagyuu's hand. Praying to dear lord that it wasn't something else freaky or retarded, Kirihara opened it.

"Right… I've always wanted a copy of… of…" Kirihara trailed off sarcastically as he stared blankly at the English title, the letters a jumble and making absolutely no sense at all.

"Jane Eyre. An English classic. Tale of a young lady who-"

"We don't want a lecture, Yagyuu," Niou snorted, putting a stop to whatever Yagyuu was about to say.


"What?" Niou asked obliviously, suddenly conscious that everyone was staring at him, as if waiting for something to happen.

"Didn't you get me anything?" Kirihara replied bluntly as a smirk crawled up the trickster's lips.

"This would be a good time to run," Jackal advised, placing a comforting hand onto the boy's shoulder.

"Yes, I agree with Jackal on this one, Akaya," Yanagi added, placing his hand on Kirihara's other shoulder. Kirihara gave them both a look of confusion.

"What do you- … DIE!"

The group gave a sigh as they tried to suppress their urge to laugh. Watching Kirihara chase after Niou waving around a tennis racket like crazy was just a priceless scene.

"Why is Niou incapable of giving people decent presents?" Marui sighed as he watched Niou narrowly dodge a flying tennis ball coming at his direction. After all, his gift was so much better. Who doesn't want edible chaptsick, really?

"He gives everyone the same 'present' for their birthday," Yanagi sighed, recalling the horrific memory.

"Not really. He has yet to French Sanada yet," Yagyuu said calmly.

And everyone sighs.

"Happy birthday," Sanada replied in total deadpan.

"… And…" Kirihara sighed, rolling his eyes.

"I didn't get you a present," Sanada replied flatly.


"I didn't get you a present," Sanada repeated.

"I got you flowers!" Yukimura smiled, throwing Kirihara a daisy, which seemed to wilt in his hand.

Kirihara sighed. No one loved him. Kirihara officially hated his birthday.

-+ Donate to the Official Kirihara Akaya Present Fund +- (it's a joke, really)

Kirihara feels sad and unloved because everyone gave him lame-o presents. So please donate your time and care and give him something worthwhile in your review. All presents and gifts will be gratefully accepted. Thank you!