Disclaimer: I don't own either set of characters.

Odd plotbunny, but fun. Had a devil of time figuring out which category to to post it in, though.

(Edit 11/05: As per my new policy, anonymous reviews get answered in my profile.)


"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SHORT, YOU MIDGET?"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A SUPER-SHORT MICROSCOPIC SPECK OF A BEAN THAT A FLY COULD STEP ON!"

Two blonde boys stood opposite each other, practically growling.

One wore a bright orange jumpsuit, a headband with an engraved metal plate at the front partially confining his wild spikes of hair. Each of his cheeks bore three thin horizontal lines like whiskers.

The other wore a black shirt and pants beneath a short red cloak emblazoned with a black snake twined around a cross. His hair was tied back in a short braid and his right hand was gloved, a short chain arcing from his belt to his pocket.

Bright blue eyes matched glares with fierce amber.

"Ah, Naruto…"

"Brother, maybe you should…"

A man with a scar across his nose and a vest covered in pockets came up behind the boy in orange while a huge armored figure tried to get the attention of the boy with the braid.

"I'll handle this, Iruka-sensei!"

"Stay out of it, Al!"

The two replied without glancing behind them.

The ninja instructor and the younger Elric brother exchanged apologetic, helpless glances and shrugs over the heads of the two blondes. Both of the belligerents were bringing their hands dangerously close together, one in a complex finger pattern and the other with gloved and bare hands flat and parallel as if to pray, or to clap.

The seemingly inevitable confrontation was abruptly forestalled by each of the would-be combatants being yanked up and backwards by the scruff of their collars. A tall man with a horned jawguard holding back his flowing white hair casually held the small orange-clad ninja in the air with one hand, while a black-haired man in a military uniform performed a similar operation on the smallest State Alchemist with both hands, a shoulder, and rather more effort.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING, ERO-SENNIN-"

"Put me down this instant, Mustang-"

"Jiraiya..." The name sounded in a dangerously rising crescendo, and a busty blonde with her hair in two ponytails and a diamond marking on her forehead crossed her arms.

"Ahem." The polite, almost inaudible cough was the only sign of the appearance of the blonde woman with a rifle slung over her shoulder at the Colonel's side.

Both men coughed.

"Ah, yes, Tsunade."

"Right, Liutenent Hawkeye."

Under the women's watchful eyes, they carefully put their subordinates down and into the charge of Iruka and Alphonse, both boys sulking but quelled for the moment.

"Anyway. I'm glad I could help with your…research."

"Quite. Thanks for the tips, I've got some new plans to try on the homunculi. Sorry I couldn't be more helpful with your problems, though."

"Oh, I don't know. Killing Orochimaru until he stays dead has a certain appeal."

"I can imagine."

"And the…other research as well."

"Oh, no problem. I can give you some more phone numbers if you need them."

Tsunade gave no warning this time before punching Jiraiya over the nearest mountain. Hawkeye merely gave a mildly disapproving "Colonel..." and the Flame Alchemist coughed and became very interested in the flight path of a certain Sannin.

Tsunade shook her head. "Right. We're finished, and we need to head back to the village now before Jiraiya makes any more trouble."

"And you have that meeting with the General at 1700," Hawkeye reminded coolly.

"Certainly, Hokage-sama."

"Fine, fine, old hag."

"Right."

"Yes, Liutenant."

Shepherding their charges in opposite directions, the two women paused for one final moment to exchange sympathetic glances.

"Until next time. Good luck."

"And to you as well."

"Really, Naruto, do you want to keep Sakura waiting?"

"Ahh, shaddup, I'm coming."

"Honestly, Fullmetal, what would Winry have said if you'd damaged your automail in another pointless fight?"

"Humph."

As the two small groups split in opposite sides of the pass, a complaint floated up over the mountains in stereo from both directions, "Whaddya mean, I can't fight him? I could take him, I swear!"


Naruto meets the Fullmetal Alchemist. If opposites attract...