A note from Deadeyedave and Mr. Crash:
We don't own all the Nintendo characters that appear,
such as Link, Mario, etc. They belong
to whoever did create them(You know who you are),
and we swear that we would put the
little "R" symbol afterthe names, except that
1. We don't know how and
2. we are lazy. Okay, _that's_ cleared
P. S. We think Navi is female, and
if you disagree, please don't hesitate to shut up, we
don't want to hear it.
We do own Aaron Seemas *cough* Samus
Aran *cough* (We have a very limited
repartee). We needed a person who
Samus would care about, as mercenaries generally
don't develop strong feelings to
We were baffled as to who would start
the second Super Smash tournament,
so from the depths of out perverted
imaginations (Mostly Mr. Crash's), we came up
with the Master, a.k.a. Ken Itche
A final note: You may find out humor
obscure, disgusting, obscene, insane, ad nauseam.
Feel free to write long, threatening
letters to us, but bear in mind we will not read them.
Part One: Capture
"Hey, Hey!" went a voice by my right
"Hey! Look! Listen! Hey!" it said
again, next to my left ear this time.
"Hey! Look! Listen! Hey, Listen!
*She's doing this to _annoy_ me...*
"HEY! HEY! LOOK! LISTEN! HEY!" *SHUT
Finally I exploded. "Shut _up_, Navi!
I'm not particularly _ecstatic_ that we're lost
either, so shut up and let me think!"
"Fine. I'm just trying to help."
I wasn't fooled for a second.
"There's nothing to see or hear anyway.
Just monotonous lines of identical trees."
*I think I see why they call it
the Lost Woods.*
There were four paths.
Let's try this one...Damn.
Lets try this one...
SOME HOURS LATER...
*Sigh* Lets try this one...Nope.
By now I was numb to it.
Let's try...Hey! I stepped into a
clearing. Of course, it was just like all the _other_
clearings, but I felt renewed hope.
Through a fog, I saw a dark, misty figure standing.
"Hello, Link" it said.
"Listen you Skull Kid, I don't want..."
"Oh," he cut me off," I'm no skull
kid. I'm the Master."
I blinked. "Then what are you?" *Okay,
this guy's definitely weird.*
"Ha ha. You're smart enough to ask
_what_, not _who_. Very good."
"Then answer my question. Who, er,
_what_ are you?" I ever so slowly withdrew the
"I'm afraid that pathetic _little_
sword won't be necessary."
I froze. *My God!*
*How did he _know_?!? Hey..._LITTLE_!*
I fingered the hilt of the Biggoron's sword.
"And that pathetic _big_ sword won't
be necessary, _either_."
*Okay, this guy's freakin' me out
now...Body? This is brain. Run........NOW!*
But before I turned to flee, the
fog lifted and I saw...
A tall, muscular man, wearing what
looked like a tuxedo except that the forearms and
shins were white. He wore a large,
deep blue cape. But what made me gasp were the
disturbingly familiar _white gloves._
"DUM DUM _DUMMMMMMMMMMM_!" remarked
the ever-helpful Navi, who then
flew off ecstatically in the opposite
direction with a fleeting "Good luck, Link!"
But I had no time to look further
before a reddish haze of pair engulfed me. Blood
trickled from the corner of my mouth.
I managed to say "Ow" before another blow to the
jaw sent me reeling. I had barely
gotten up before I noticed his index and middle finger
of his left hand were pointed at
me like the barrel of a gun.
A blinding flash and piercing ray
of light emanated from the fingers. I jumped aside and
rolled to my feet.
"You...missed..." I gasped.
"Ya sure?" he sneered.
I looked down at my shoulder. Blood
flowed down the front of my tunic and my
collarbone was visible. The shot
had grazed my shoulder. Bad. I collapsed on the grass as
the leering figure stood over me.
"You'll have learned a lesson when
I'm through with you." He grinned viciously.
"Revenge is sweet!"
He grabbed my collar with one hand
and put the other over my mouth. Holding me at
arm's length over his head, I struggled
With his laughter ringing through
my ears, I felt myself losing consciousness.
The last thing that went through
my mind was, quote: *Shit.*
"That stomp wasn't too shabby, Yoshi."
was that fireball. It's a good thing you discovered
that attack six years ago in that
"Yoshi! Yoshi Yoshi Yoooooooooshiiiiiiii!
Yo Yoshi!" WHAT TOURNAMENT? You
know, a bunch of fighters, a giant
floating glove, guy in green with sword kicked his ass,
you and your brother fought as a
tag team, and all the fighters got the royal treatment
between fights? _I_ know that I
will never forget one of the things I was given.> Yoshi
sighed, remembering that rosy pink
Yoshi that he'd met between one of his battles.
"You're _still_ upset about losing
"Yooooooshiiiiii!" Well why shouldn't
I? She was kind, gentle, smart,
beautiful, and had a name that didn't
end in 'shi'!> (Editor's note: Yoshi, Boshi,
Roshi...Picking up a patern here...-DeadeyeDave)
"Well, I still think...Look out!"
he suddenly shouted, pointing upwards at the glowing
black sphere that was shooting towards
the two of them. But despite Yoshi's speed and
Mario's warning, the spheres enveloped
them after approximately 5 seconds of running.
While inside the balls, they could
only move their eyes. And just before passing out from
asphyxiation, they saw to their
left a fleeting glimpse of a shadowy figure floating in the
air a few feet away.
"Help...me..." rasped Mario.
"Oh, I don't think I will do that,"
said the figure, who then began to laugh.
Finally, with a gasp, Mario passed
"Ms. Aran, I do believe that you
should stop sunning yourself and come in."
"Listen, _Jeeves_, I _do believe_
you should stop telling me how to live my life. I didn't
spend years and years trying it
kill an evil superconsciousness so I could use the bounty
to hire a butler to psychoanalyze
me! And besides, shouldn't you be scheduling my date
"Whatever you say, Ms. Justin Bailey."
Ms. Aran thought about this for a
"And stop using slang from the 1800's!"
she yelled. (Editor's Note: Inside joke-Deadeye)
"Otherwise, _Ms. Bailey_ will blow
your skull apart!"