Part 1 Super Smash Brothers
Winner and Still Champion
a fanfic by DeadeyeDave and Mr. Crash

A note from Deadeyedave and Mr. Crash: We don't own all the Nintendo characters that appear,
such as Link, Mario, etc. They belong to whoever did create them(You know who you are),
and we swear that we would put the little "R" symbol afterthe names, except that
1. We don't know how and
2. we are lazy. Okay, _that's_ cleared up.

P. S. We think Navi is female, and if you disagree, please don't hesitate to shut up, we
don't want to hear it.

We do own Aaron Seemas *cough* Samus Aran *cough* (We have a very limited
repartee). We needed a person who Samus would care about, as mercenaries generally
don't develop strong feelings to anyone.

We were baffled as to who would start the second Super Smash tournament,
so from the depths of out perverted imaginations (Mostly Mr. Crash's), we came up
with the Master, a.k.a. Ken Itche :)

A final note: You may find out humor obscure, disgusting, obscene, insane, ad nauseam.
Feel free to write long, threatening letters to us, but bear in mind we will not read them.

***

Part One: Capture

***

"Hey, Hey!" went a voice by my right ear.

"Hey! Look! Listen! Hey!" it said again, next to my left ear this time.

"Hey! Look! Listen! Hey, Listen! Look! Look!"

*She's doing this to _annoy_ me...* I thought.

"HEY! HEY! LOOK! LISTEN! HEY!" *SHUT UP!*

Finally I exploded. "Shut _up_, Navi! I'm not particularly _ecstatic_ that we're lost
either, so shut up and let me think!"

"Fine. I'm just trying to help." I wasn't fooled for a second.

"There's nothing to see or hear anyway. Just monotonous lines of identical trees."
*I think I see why they call it the Lost Woods.*

There were four paths.

Let's try this one...Damn.

Lets try this one...

***

SOME HOURS LATER...

*Sigh* Lets try this one...Nope. By now I was numb to it.

Let's try...Hey! I stepped into a clearing. Of course, it was just like all the _other_
clearings, but I felt renewed hope. Through a fog, I saw a dark, misty figure standing.

"Hello, Link" it said.

"Listen you Skull Kid, I don't want..."

"Oh," he cut me off," I'm no skull kid. I'm the Master."

I blinked. "Then what are you?" *Okay, this guy's definitely weird.*

"Ha ha. You're smart enough to ask _what_, not _who_. Very good."

"Then answer my question. Who, er, _what_ are you?" I ever so slowly withdrew the
Master sword.

"I'm afraid that pathetic _little_ sword won't be necessary."

I froze. *My God!*

"Umm..."

*How did he _know_?!? Hey..._LITTLE_!* I fingered the hilt of the Biggoron's sword.

"And that pathetic _big_ sword won't be necessary, _either_."

*Okay, this guy's freakin' me out now...Body? This is brain. Run........NOW!*

But before I turned to flee, the fog lifted and I saw...

A tall, muscular man, wearing what looked like a tuxedo except that the forearms and
shins were white. He wore a large, deep blue cape. But what made me gasp were the
disturbingly familiar _white gloves._

"DUM DUM _DUMMMMMMMMMMM_!" remarked the ever-helpful Navi, who then
flew off ecstatically in the opposite direction with a fleeting "Good luck, Link!"
But I had no time to look further before a reddish haze of pair engulfed me. Blood
trickled from the corner of my mouth. I managed to say "Ow" before another blow to the
jaw sent me reeling. I had barely gotten up before I noticed his index and middle finger
of his left hand were pointed at me like the barrel of a gun.

*Not good.*

A blinding flash and piercing ray of light emanated from the fingers. I jumped aside and
rolled to my feet.

"You...missed..." I gasped.

"Ya sure?" he sneered.

I looked down at my shoulder. Blood flowed down the front of my tunic and my
collarbone was visible. The shot had grazed my shoulder. Bad. I collapsed on the grass as
the leering figure stood over me.

"You'll have learned a lesson when I'm through with you." He grinned viciously.

"Revenge is sweet!"

He grabbed my collar with one hand and put the other over my mouth. Holding me at
arm's length over his head, I struggled weakly.

With his laughter ringing through my ears, I felt myself losing consciousness.

The last thing that went through my mind was, quote: *Shit.*

***

"That stomp wasn't too shabby, Yoshi."

"Yoooooooooooshiiiiiiiiiiii!" Neither was that fireball. It's a good thing you discovered
that attack six years ago in that weird tournament.>

"What tournament?"

"Yoshi! Yoshi Yoshi Yoooooooooshiiiiiiii! Yo Yoshi!" WHAT TOURNAMENT? You
know, a bunch of fighters, a giant floating glove, guy in green with sword kicked his ass,
you and your brother fought as a tag team, and all the fighters got the royal treatment
between fights? _I_ know that I will never forget one of the things I was given.> Yoshi
sighed, remembering that rosy pink Yoshi that he'd met between one of his battles.

"You're _still_ upset about losing Rosy?"

"Yooooooshiiiiii!" Well why shouldn't I? She was kind, gentle, smart,
beautiful, and had a name that didn't end in 'shi'!> (Editor's note: Yoshi, Boshi,
Roshi...Picking up a patern here...-DeadeyeDave)

"Well, I still think...Look out!" he suddenly shouted, pointing upwards at the glowing
black sphere that was shooting towards the two of them. But despite Yoshi's speed and
Mario's warning, the spheres enveloped them after approximately 5 seconds of running.
While inside the balls, they could only move their eyes. And just before passing out from
asphyxiation, they saw to their left a fleeting glimpse of a shadowy figure floating in the
air a few feet away.

"Help...me..." rasped Mario.

"Oh, I don't think I will do that," said the figure, who then began to laugh.

Finally, with a gasp, Mario passed out.

***

"Ms. Aran, I do believe that you should stop sunning yourself and come in."

"Listen, _Jeeves_, I _do believe_ you should stop telling me how to live my life. I didn't
spend years and years trying it kill an evil superconsciousness so I could use the bounty
to hire a butler to psychoanalyze me! And besides, shouldn't you be scheduling my date
with Aaron?"

"Whatever you say, Ms. Justin Bailey."

Ms. Aran thought about this for a while.

"And stop using slang from the 1800's!" she yelled. (Editor's Note: Inside joke-Deadeye)

"Otherwise, _Ms. Bailey_ will blow your skull apart!"

"Um, I'll go schedule that date now." The robot zoomed off.

"Honestly." Ms. Aran prepared to soak up some rays from the twin suns that hung
overhead.

"Hey there!" came a voice.

Sitting up, Ms. Aran saw Aaron Seemas, her boyfriend, striding toward her.

"Aaron! I'm surprised to see you!" *That was quick...unless...naaah.*

"Finally that stupid robot butler did something right: He let you in without a fight.
Aaron started laughing.

"What's so funny?" asked Ms. Aran.

"That comment you made about the robot letting me in."

"What's so funny about that?"

"Well, the robot didn't let me in. I had to blow it up when it saw _me_."

"WHAT?!? Are you okay, Aaron?"

"Samus, I've never felt better!" With a sudden lunge, 'Aaron' shot a bolt of lightning at
Samus, simultaneously short-circuiting her auto-defense systems and
knocking her out.

"It's _so_ much fun to exert power over lower life forms," the Master remarked to himself.
***

"Everything is going according to schedule. Samus was captured easily, Mario and Yoshi
put up no resistance, and Luigi was captured after. And that fool Link," he spat, "Went
down easier then I expected. And even though I had to blow a chunk off his shoulder," he
smiled fiendishly, "He was healed easily. Now go check on the prisoners, or I'll make
your death _extra_ painful."

With a bow, Mario/Polygon scuttled off.

*Hmm. Link. How the **** could that pathetic elf have defeated my most loyal subject,
my most obedient and trustworthy minion, and my close personal friend Master Hand?
He went down so easily, he's such a fraud. I should devise an especially gruesome and
painful death for him. I know! I'll be the final opponent in the tournament, so if my
polygon army doesn't messily eradicate him, I'll do the honors myself! Oh yeah, revenge
is sweet!*

"Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

End Part One