A/N: Short ficlet originally written in January, 2005 for Raelala's1001Ways LJ Challenge - Remus/Sirius: The Staff Room. This story is rated M and very blatantly contains slash.

"Quick! In here!"

Sirius grabbed his arm and flung him into the wardrobe. Landing on his side, right arm pinned beneath him, Remus tried to scoot over to make room, but Sirius scrambled in on top of him, pulling the doors closed behind him. It would have been a tight squeeze without the jumble of cloaks hanging about, but having Sirius pressed up so close against him, straddling his right hip, it was positively claustrophobic.

They heard the door to the staff room open, and the voices of Professor McGonagall and Professor Flitwick deep in conversation drifted through the cracks in the wood, muffled but still clearly audible.

"Oh yes, Minerva. I find the prospect absolutely fascinating!"

"Moony," Sirius whispered, his mouth barely an inch from Remus' ear. Remus shivered as the warm breath tickled his ear and a lock of hair brushed against his cheek. "This is rather cozy, don't you think?" A moist tongue followed his words, licking around the shell, teeth gently nibbling on the lobe. Even through the layers of clothing, Remus could easily discern the hardening cock pressed flush against his hipbone. Oh, shit! Not here! Not now!

"Sirius!" Remus hissed, squirming in an attempt to dislodge Sirius' mouth from his ear, and only succeeding in rubbing his hip more firmly against Sirius' growing erection. The wardrobe shook slightly, and Sirius bit down harder to still him.

"Are you trying to get us caught?" Sirius teased, his left hand reaching for the fastenings of Remus' robe.

"Did you hear something, Filius?"

Remus stilled, holding his breath, eyes squeezed shut. Damn him. He's so dead. I swear I'll flog him to death. I can even picture it: Leaning with his wrists chained to the wall, back bared, smooth skin over slightly rippling muscle, legs parted just wide enough… oh, yes… tight, firm arse… so lovely… Oh bollocks! Yes, those, too, just peeking out…Arghh! He swallowed, feeling his own rock-hard erection pressing almost painfully against his trousers. "I'm so buggered!" he mumbled, just as Sirius' hand reached inside his robes and began unfastening his flies.

"Not yet," came the chuckled reply, barely a whisper, "but I'm working on it. I've never done this left handed before, but you know how much I love a challenge."

Remus gritted his teeth and bit back his retort. Exasperation wrestled with desire and lost in a spectacular defeat as warm fingers closed around him. Oh!

"Shhh Moony," Sirius panted, rubbing himself against Remus' hip, left hand awkward, but still finding an adequate rhythm. The wardrobe shook again, but neither boy was in much of a position to care by that point.

"Oh, yes… so good," Sirius murmured, sucking harder on the fleshy lobe of Remus' ear. His hand was moving impossible fast within the tight confines, pelvis thrusting almost painfully into sharp bone beneath him. The wardrobe rocked precariously on its spindly legs.

"Don't stop, don't stop," Remus chanted under his breath, and the world exploded in a bright, soundless, rather damp, release. He heard Sirius' breath hitch, and felt him bite down rather vigorously on his shoulder before slumping down on top of him in a boneless heap.

Reality returned with a sharp edge of panic, as voices once again filtered into the hazy confines of their surroundings. They froze, mid-bask.

"Well, I must be getting back to my office," they heard Professor McGonagall say. "I've got those fifth year essays on the dangers of human transfiguration to grade."

"I should be going, too," Flitwick replied. "Charms Club meeting in half an hour, you know. Oh, by the way, Minerva, if you happen to run into Gaius, let him know we've located a boggart for him to use in his classes," he said, nodding in the direction of the wardrobe before closing the door behind him.

Remus let out the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding in relief. "You, Sirius Black, are a dead man. And I plan to show you over and over again just how I plan to kill you… slowly."