"Hey gramps? If you hadn't noticed, I'm getting my butt seriously kicked right now, a little help would be nice," Mage shouted up at her grandfather, who was levitating about fifty feet in the air, sitting on his airborne staff, right before a starbolt narrowly singed the tips of her pigtails.

"I'm going to be in my grave in a few years, so you need to learn how to do it on your own!" the old man yelled back down. "Besides, I was doing fine when I was your age!"

"Yeah!" Mage grunted as Robin kicked her in the stomach and sent her crashing into the side of a building. "But I doubt you were fighting people with supernatural powers back in the thirties! Besides, I don't think anything was worth stealing during the Great Depression!"

"Ya, halabuhji!" Raven said as she went speeding towards the old man. "Azerath Metrion Zynthos!"

Raven held out her hands, and the old man was trapped within her energy. Sweeping her hands down, the man went flying into the concrete. On his way down, Cyborg fired his sonic cannon, so the old man left a nice imprint of himself on the wall before tumbling down next to his granddaughter.

"OO-BAY AH-YAY!" Cyborg said in triumph, his cannon reverting back to a hand. He then face faulted, thinking how stupid it sounded. Beastboy snickered.

"Ut-shay up."

Now both the sorcerers were fighting now, evening the odds. No, seriously, the odds were even. Well, actually, not really.

"NOW DIE, YOU HORMONE DISTURBED CHILDREN!" the old man roared as he pointed his staff at the Titans, a massive wave of green energy bursting out from the tip of the green gem. The wave sent all of the Titans (and some cars) flying back down the street.

"Hormone disturbed children? Don't you have any better insults in that wrinkly old head?" Mage sweat dropped and she rubbed her head with the orb on her staff.

"Robin and Beastboy are wearing tight spandex pants, Starfire and Raven (snort) are practically wearing swim suits in public, and Cyborg doesn't wear anything. I think that has something to do with you horny kids nowadays."


A car came flying out at them, and the two sorcerers leaped out of the way. The Titans then came charging at them, all looking like they had been electrocuted from the last attack.

Beastboy transformed into a bull and was ahead of the rest, going in for the red on Mage's shirt. She jumped up and gave him a quick blast, reverting him back to his humanoid form, but Starfire swiftly shot out bolts from her eyes that hit her dead on. Mage lay sprawled on the ground.

"Yrotciv!" Starfire leaped up and down in joy and held up two fingers.

"Hey what's that book? I want to take a quick look," Beastboy said as he booked up a small, palm-sized pink book that had fallen out of Mage's pocket. Flipping through the pages, he saw that each one was a picture of a rather good-looking man, all of them drawn in Japanese animation.

"GET OFF MY BISHONEN BOOK!" Mage screamed as she got back to her feet, fire blazing in her eyes. She came rushing towards him with incredible speed. Twirling her staff around, the first movement it collided into the side of Beastboy's head, the next smashing the top of his skull, forcing him to fall to the ground, and the final having the orb stop at Beastboy's neck.

"Great, the one way to get her riled up is to steal her book of imaginary boyfriends," her grandfather muttered as he had his hands full with Starfire, Cyborg, and Robin. "I knew I should've let her get a real one…"

Despite the orb glowing menacingly at his neck, Beastboy, being who he was, couldn't help ticking her off a bit further. Opening the book at a random page, he looked at it and said, "Wow, this guy's so girly I wanna barf! Long hair, mascara, and that fluffy scarf!"

That did it. "DON'T INSULT FLUFFY-SAMA!" She brought the staff above her head and smashed it down, but Raven quickly swooped down and grabbed the green teen by his arms, just before the staff would have collided with Beastboy's head. A mini explosion left a rather noticable crater in the pavement.

"COME BACK HERE, YOU (insert words that wouldn't be appropriate for this rating)!" Mage screamed as bolts of energy were being fired out of the staff as fast as a machine gun. Raven expertly dodged them, but it was getting harder and harder.

Still looking at the book, "Dark Mousy? What a dumb name! Who named him 'Mousy'? that's just lame!"

With a fierce, shrill battle cry, the bolts came pelting towards them even more intensely.

"Beastboy! Nuh chooguhleh?" Raven cried out, smacking the book out of his hands. As the book went tumbling towards the ground, a bolt incinerated it into ashes. The bolts stopped.

Mage sank to the floor on her knees and sobbed into her arms. "I've lost the will to live. It took me my whole life to draw all two hundred and three of them…"

"What the-" the man was distracted long enough for Robin to land a spinning kick into his head.

Little yellow birds flew around his head. "John Jacob Jingle Himer Smith! I finally found you! Did you know we have the same name?" he said woozily before he fell unconscious.

Robin then went over to the weeping girl and grabbed her by the collar, opening his mouth, trying to scream. She didn't seem to notice him. Comical tear continued to stream down her eyes.

"Em wolla," Starfire said as she took her out of Robin's hands. "SU OT KCAB HCEESP ROU NRUTER UOY YAM OS, DETAEFED NEEB EVAH REHTAFDNARG ROUY DNA OUY!"

Mage stopped crying and glared at her. "I was going to stop in thirteen seconds. You didn't have to scream like a nutcase in my face."

Starfire smiled, showing all of her teeth.

"Just wait a sec," Mage said as she went over to Beastboy and proceeded into bonking him in the head. "IT TOOK ME FOREVER TO DRAW THOSE! I'LL KILL YOU!"

Cyborg quickly grabbed her and but she continued to kick her legs uselessly. "I'M GOING TO KILL YOU! NO ONE INSULTS THE BISHIES!"

"Orry-say, ou-yay an't-cay ill-kay im-hay."

She then fell limp in his arms and Cyborg released her. Twirling her staff around, a red light flashed out and…

"YES! I CAN FINAALY TALK!" Robin practically did a rather annoying dance to celebrate. Cyborg recorded the moment into his brain so he could play it again if he ever needed a good laugh.


The police arrived and shoved the handcuffed old man into the van, ignoring his threats that he was going to turn them into frogs and eat their legs. It wasn't like he could do anything without his staff.

Before Mage was about to get shoved in as well, Robin stopped them for a moment.

"You know, I don't think you actually want to be a real villain, do you?"

"Well, yeah," Mage admitted. "I don't like to hurt people, Gramps is annoying, and I don't have a social life. I never had the chance to really make some friends-"

"VILLIANS DON'T HAVE FRIENDS! THEY HAVE LACKIES!" the old man poked his head out of the van and screamed before he was pushed in again.

"Well, you don't have to be one. How about becoming one of us?" Robin offered.

"Nah, I wanna be normal, Mom's lives somewhere in Metropolis and she doesn't know about what Gramps does; I think I'll go live with her."

Starfire sliced through the cuffs with a well-placed star bolt and said, "Joyous! But before you leave, perhaps it would be wise to return the currency which you have stolen previously today."

Mage blushed. "Ah, I kinda spent it all before I got here."

"What on earth did you buy with over a couple hundred million dollars?" Raven asked in slight shock.

Puffing out her chest, she said proudly, "You're looking at the new owner of Star Wars!"

Cyborg and Beastboy dropped their jaws.

"HOW DID YOU BUY THAT!" Cyborg burst out.


"You can buy that there? That's so not fair!" Beastboy wailed.

Raven glowered at him. She couldn't take it anymore. She though as soon as the curse was gone… "Stop that…"

"That was a mistake Raven! Really! See, I'm not rhyming right now-" Beastboy was cut off as a sewer lid smacked him in the face.


The end.

Seriously not satisfied with the ending, but I hope the random humor was enough to make up for it. At least I'm done with it!