Kitten
By Henrika

Henrika- I honestly couldn't resist this one. And then the ending rewrote itself all on its own and suddenly another player had entered the scene. Never mind, you'll see.

"Family" readers will be happy to know that I intend to get around to finally typing up the last chapter; likely in this week if I don't get too behind in other things. (Sees reviewers nodding at the fact that Henrika is lying through her teeth.) The hit counter for that story is soaring and is nearly up to 800 hits! Woohoo! That is so awesome! I am so glad that one of the stories I put a lot of effort into is getting such an awesome response! If you haven't read it, I encourage you to. If you need more than that, look at the story reviews!

Last bit. Read and Review!


"Al."

"Brother please. He's…"

"Al."

"Even you can't be that heartless. He's just…"

"Alphonse." Ed said warningly, his small amount of patience reaching its limit.

"It would just be for the night and…"

"Alphonse Elric!"

Al quieted, knowing better than to argue when his brother used his full name. Ed huffed for a moment before sighing, somewhere between exasperation and sympathy. "Al, you know we can't keep him." He gently thumbed the brown kitten's head with his flesh hand, the kitten already purring from its position cupped between Al's large metal hands.

"But he was all alone!" Al tried, but Ed was already shaking his head.

"Al, I know you want to help him, but we just can't."

It was hard to imagine a suit of armor deflating, but Al managed the action quite nicely. "But it's raining out." He pleaded desperately.

Ed sighed again, smacking his palm against his face. "Look. Why don't you go talk to Fury or Hawkeye? Maybe they can help you find a home for him." He pulled on Al's arm a bit, moving him in the right direction. "I have to report to Mustang. You can ask them then."

"Alright." Al agreed reluctantly, the kitten mewing plaintively at them both.

They arrived at Mustang's office and Ed immediately went in for his standard match of wits (insult match) with the Colonel. Al stood in the center of the office, shifting his feet anxiously. The staff left him be. That is, until, they heard they heard the tiny mewing sound emanating from his direction.

"Alphonse?" Hawkeye asked. Fury stood, walking over to the armor and relieving him of the small burden.

"He's such a little guy. Where did you find him?"

"He was hiding under some broken flowerpots."

"What do you plan to do with him?" Hawkeye asked, knowing full well that the boy couldn't keep him.

"Uh, well…you see…"

"You want us to help you find him a home, right?" havoc piped in.

Al nodded, scratching the back of his head. "Yes, please?"

"I don't think Black Hayate is ready for a cat." Hawkeye said, leaning down to stroke the aforementioned dog's ears. He grunted happily, but remained obedient to his mistress' early 'sit' command.

"Dorms." Chimed in Fury, Breda, and Farman.

"Not much of a cat person." Havoc said.

"Oh…"

"Have you asked anyone else?" Farman queried.

"No."

"Wait a second. I know who could use a cat." Havoc said, taking his feet off his desk.

"Who?" Al said quickly.

"You'll see. C'mon, let's go."

"Havoc?" There was the distinctive sound of a gun being cocked. "Don't you have paperwork?" Hawkeye asked so sweetly, it was scary. "All of you?"

"Uh…we'll be right back." Havoc said quickly. To his companions, who now included Al, Fury, Breda, Farman, one brown kitten and himself, he whispered an order. "Run!"

Hawkeye aimed as they bolted for the door, shouting, "You've got ten minutes!" as they slammed it shut behind them.

"So who did you have in mind?" Al asked as he took the kitten back from Fury.

"You'll see." They walked for a little bit, finally stopping in front of a familiar door. If armor could have paled, Al surely would have done so.

"Lt. Colonel Hughes? But Elysia is at the tail-pulling stage!" The kitten hid in his hands, almost whimpering.

"Huh? Oh, no…not Hughes." Havoc said, pushing open the door. "Schieska!" He sang out. "Al has a surprise for you!"

"Over here!" She called. It took them a few minutes to find her, half-covered by several stacks of paper. "What's the surprise?'

Breda conveniently elbowed Al forward. "Show her."

Al obliged, opening up his hands. The kitten blinked brightly at Schieska. She blinked back. And then the brown ball of fluff leapt into her arms.

"A cat?' She asked, somehow dumbfounded by the purring mass.

"He needs a home." Al pleaded.

"But…"

"You can't leave a cute little guy like him out on the streets." Fury said convincingly.

"But I've never had a cat!" Schieska interrupted.

"So you can start now." Havoc said, shrugging his shoulders.

"But…"

"You don't have to take him if you don't want him." Al said, defeat creeping into his tone.

"No, it's not that." Al brightened slightly. "It's just…well, I don't know how to take care of a cat!"

Schieska was nearly knocked over as Al leapt up. "I can teach you!"

"Well then, it's all settled." Havoc looked at his watch and nearly swallowed his cigarette. "It's been twelve minutes."

There was a dead silence. Then all the military men began scrambling for the door.

"Good luck!" They shouted to the three left in the room.

"First thing," Al started after he had recovered from his shock at the sudden stampede. "He needs a name."

Schieska looked thoughtfully at the kitten. "I've got the perfect one.

$()#&)(#&()&()&)(

When one hears gunshots outside one's office, one is typically curious about what's going on. Roy Mustang was no exception. He and Ed carefully peered out of his office; gloves ready to spark and hands ready to clap, respectively. "Lieutenant?" He ventured cautiously when he saw no one but her. And the rest of his staff cowering against the wall.

"The boys were back late from their break." The blonde woman said, gesturing at the offenders with her pistol.

"We found the kitten a home!" Fury cried desperately, using Farman as a shield.

"Oh? That's good." Ed walked into the office, Mustang following behind. "Who with?"

As an answer the door opened, revealing Al, Schieska, and the kitten. "Brother! Schieska agreed to take him home!"

"Thank you." Ed said, breathing a sigh of relief that he wouldn't have to force Al to abandon the kitty.

"She even said she'd take the other one!"

There was silence. "Other one?" Ed asked dangerously.

"Uh…yeah. Well, you see, uh…" Al rubbed the back of his helmet nervously.

"Al?" Ed asked threateningly. "You said he was all alone."

"The point is she agreed to take them both." Al said with finality.

"Wait a second. Where is the second one?" Riza asked.

"And why didn't you tell me there were two?" Ed said.

The talked about kitten peeked out from the bottom of Al's helmet and he scooped it into his hands. It was small and brown like its brother, with a bright white splash of fur over one eye. "He slipped into my leg for awhile. And I knew I'd have a hard time convincing you to keep even one Ed." Ed looked down guiltily.

Schieska smiled. "Hey, it's no problem." The new kitten sprang onto her head, draping itself happily over her hair. "A pair can keep each other company. And besides, books and cats. What could be a better combination!"

"As long as your okay with it." Ed said, leaning over to scratch the ear of the smaller kitten on Schieska's head. "So what did you end up naming them?"

"Well, this one is Al." She hefted the brown kitten in her arms. The real Al beamed. "And this one," She looked up at the paw dangling in front of her eyes. She grinned devilishly, in a completely un-Schieska-like way. "This one is Shrimp."

The outrage shriek and subsequent laughter could be heard all over headquarters. And Ed would forever mumble upon seeing the cat that, "Mustang has perverted even the nice people. I'm not that small."


Henrika- The last line and the second kitten popped into my head towards the end and I think they fit in alright. As for the saying, I have a nightshirt that says, "Books. Cats. Life is Good." It seemed to fit our resident bookworm and voila, we have a humorous one-shot. Hope you laughed and enjoyed.