Sorry guys. I know that I suck at this whole "update" thing. What can I say? I´m lazy. And busy. Sometimes. Funny how that can work out... Anyway,here is a chapter from Marissa´s pov. Please read it and tell me what you think.

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She could lose her baby. His baby.

And the son I know Ryan hopes for would never see the light of day.

She could die.

And Ryan would never be the same. He would loose a pice of his soul. And one of his reason to live.

Or both she and the baby could survive. She could come through this unharmed and give birth to a healty child in a couple of months.

And Ryan can have the life that he hopes for. A life that he´s too young to have.

Theresa is too young to have a baby. And he is too young to be a father.

And I´m way too young to feel like my life is over.

We are all just seventeen for Christ sake. We aren´t even legally adults yet.

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I don´t know what scenario I´m hoping for.

I don´t want her to lose the baby, but I don´t think I could stand seeing him with a kid either. Not with a kid that looked like her.

A small part of me, a dark place in my heart, would be glad if she died. A small part of me would enjoy seeing the pain in his face. Would enjoy the tears in his eyes. The way his voice would brake.

His life would become empty. Painfull.

I would be glad, would enjoy it because that is how my life is these days. Empty.

Full of pain.

I cry myself to sleep most nights.

And I want to blame her.

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I want to blame her for making him fall in love with her. I want to dislike her because everyone,even Summer, thinks she´s girl he should be with. I want to hate her because she´s good, because if it wasn´t for the fact that they clearly love each other, me and Theresa would probably be good friends.

Maybe.

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I know that it´s stupid, I know that it´s idiotic. I know that blaming her for my own mistakes isn´t the best idea I ever had.

But it´s easy.

I see the way my friends looks at me, the way Summer looks at me.

And it hurts.

When they had first heard that Theresa was pregnant they had looked at me with sympathy. They where on my side and they felt sorry for me. And it felt good.

Summer tried to comfort me. Tried to tell me that my life wasn´t over, that Ryan and I still could be friends.

But my life felt like it was over. And I didn´t want his friendship. I wanted his love.

And I started behaving like an absolut idiot.

Glared at her everytime I saw her, said hurtfull things behind her back. Spread half lies about her. Accused her of sleeping around. Generally, I made her seem like a whore.

I threw myself at Ryan, started coming around to the poolhouse. Every day.

Until he kicked me out.

I was desperate.

In denial.

So stupid.

And so verry,verry blind.

That´s never a good combination.

I´d totally missed the fact that he was in love with her. I had just assumed that it had been a one-night-stand, that he had stayed with her because of the baby. Because they where old friends.

I had wanted to assume that it was a one-night-stand. It had made it easier to deal with.

I´m not blind anymore. I´m no longer in denial. And it´s not easy to deal with.

My friends dosen´t look at me with sympathy anymore. If they even look at me.

They now think I´m a hurtfull bitch who has only herself to blame.

And they are right. I was the one who screwed it up. I was the one who didn´t trust him when it came to Oliver. I was the one who hurt him. Not her.Not Theresa. I was the one who practicly threw them together.

It hurts.

It hurts when I let my mind wander, when I think about things that I should forget. Like the way he kissed. The way he used to say my name when we where in bed together.

It hurt when I found out that she was pregnant. That she had gotten pregnant two weeks after Ryan broke up with me. Two fucking weeks. Fourteen days. They sure moved fast.

It hurts when he looks at me like I mean nothing to him. When he refuses to talk to me outside of school. And when he is forced to talk to me, to work with me on a project, and his voice is flat, his eyes indifferent.

The way he yelled at me, that last time in the poolhouse. His eyes cold as ice and his voice full of anger and contempt. He had talked with Seth, who had talked with Summer. He´d heard what I had said about Theresa and he wasn´t happy. In fact, except for today, I never seen him so angry.

It hurt when he told me to get the heck out of his poolhouse, out of his life.

When he warned me to come near Theresa, to hurt her.

And it nearly killed me when he told me that he wasn´t in love with me anymore.

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I should´ve believed Ryan, should have listened to him when he said that it was something wrong with Oliver,that he was dangerous. I should´ve stopped spending time with him. I should´ve seen that he was in love with me, obsessed with the thought of him and me as a couple.

I should have done a lot of things.

I did nothing and now I´ve lost everything. All because of my own stupidity.

Because of that, because of all the shitty things I did, Ryan´s now starting a family with Theresa, with a girl he´s know his whole life. With a girl that is nice and smart and beautiful. One who loves him. Belives him.With one who´ll never take him for granted.

With a girl who isn´t me.

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Now I´m sitting in the waiting room, in one of those uncomfortable plastic chairs.

Waiting. Wondering.

I don´t know how shes doing, don´t know if she lost their child.

Don´t know if I´m a murderer.

Don´t know if Im feeling guilty.

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I know that I´m scared. Terrified. For my own sake.

I remember what he said, how he told me to stay away from her. Now she´s in a hospital and I know he´ll never forgive me.

I know what he will do to me if she loses the baby, if she´s seriously hurt. He has a damn good lawyer on his side.

And if she dies...

If she dies, then I don´t have to worry about searching for a good lawyer. If she dies, I don´t have to think about what kind of sentence a judge would give me.

If she dies, he will be coming after me, and he won´t let anything stop him.

If she dies, he´ll want me dead to.

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"What the hell happened here?"

Ryan´s chocked voice as I stood there, staring at Theresa, frozen. Knowing that I should do something, anything to help her. Knowing at the same time that I didn´t want to do anything.

The lie came so easily over my lips.

" She fell."

The mistake of not looking me in the eyes, seeing the truth in there.

" Theresa? Theresa can you hear me?"

The fear in his voice, in his eyes, when he knelt beside her, feeling for a pulse. The relief on his face when he found one.

"Call an ambulance. Now."

The need to explain myself, to tell him that it wasn´t my fault. Even if in reality, it was.

"Ryan, I didn´t…"

"Shut the fuck up. Just call an ambulance. Hurry!"

The anxiety mixed with anger made his voice harsh.

The pain when when I saw him through the poolhouse doors...

He was on the floor beside her, a hand interwined with hers, resting on her stomac, his lips moving as he prayed with his eyes closed. He, who once said he didn´t belive in God, was now asking him for a favour.

I made the 911 call quickly and stepped back inside the poolhouse. I was about to speak when I heard the words he whispered to her, his lips pressed against her forehead.

"Babe, hang in there... I can't lose you. I love you."

It that had been so hard for him to tell me how he felt,to tell me that he loved me.

When he was talking to her the words came easily, like he was stating a fact. And it made me wonder how many times he said those three words to her.

It made me wonder if he ment them when he said them to me. He had never sounded like that...

" The ambulance is on the way."

The look in his eyes as he turned his head towards me, the bearly controlled anger when he spoke.

"Did you push her?"

The fear made me back away from him. My heart made me plead, longing for the warmt to return to his eyes. It had been so long since he looked at me without contempt. Without anger.

"Please Ryan, I…"

The look on his face silenced me, made me realise I was fighting a loosing battle.

He. Really. Didn´t. Love. Me. Anymore.

" Did you?"

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The ambulance came and saved me from having to answer. But I know that it wasn´t the last time he will ask that question. He will come after me again and then he won´t stop until he gets the truth. Until he gets the proof that he needs.

He may be many things but stupid, isn´t one of them. He´ll figure it out. Sooner rather than later.

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Protective.

That´s a word that describes him.

If someone hurts somebody he loves he´s not gonna take it sitting down.

Especially not if that somebody is Theresa.

Especially not if that somebody is three months pregnant.

And I hurt them. All three of them. I may even have killed one of them.

So I´ve been sitting here, asking myself what I did. Why I did it.

Asking myself if I signed my own death warrant.

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I yelled at her. She tried to calm me down, put a hand on my shoulder. Then suddenly she´s on the floor, hands on her stomac,protecting her unborn child. A few seconds later she´s unconscious.

It all happened so fast.

Did I push her?

Yes. No doubt about it. And I pushed hard. Too hard.

Why?

I´m not quite sure.

When I saw her tonight I lost it. I didn´t think, I just acted. And I pushed.

Because she carries a fucking miracle. Their miracle. Their baby.

Not mine. Not ours. Theirs.

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I´d been sitting here for about thirty minutes when Seth and his parents came rushing through the hospital doors. They went past me without seeing me and went down the left corridor.

Theresa´s room.

Ryan must have called them.

I´d seen him talking on the phone when he got here.

The doctor´s had thrown him out of the emergency room so them could examine Theresa, and Ryan had been pacing outside, anxious for news.

He took out his cellphone and dialed a number, the grips so tight on the phone that his fingers turned white.

I had been sitting in the same chair that I do now, only a few meters from where he stood. Halfway through the short phone call he saw me and he stopped talking. I never seen that look on his face before.

Anger. Overwhelming.

Fear. All consuming.

Hate. His eyes burning a whole through me.

He knew. He knew what I´d done.

He just couldn´t prove it. Yet.

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- Theresa´s okey.

I had been lost in memories and actually jumped when I heard Kirsten´s voice.

- Sorry, I didn´t meen to scare you.

- No, no. I was just... I shook my head, trying to clear it. - Never mind. So ,Theresa´s okey?

What was Kirsten doing here, talking to me? Hadn´t Ryan told her?

- Yeah. She got a concussion, but it´s nothing serious. They´re gonna keep her overnight for observation though.

Just a concussion.

She wasn´t in a coma. She wasn´t dead. And a part of me was dissapointed by the news.

- Oh. And the... the baby?

Kirsten gave me look, like she knew the thoughts that raced through my head. She probably did. I´ve never been good at hiding my feelings.

- Ryan told Seth that the baby´s doing fine.

- Good.

I gave her a weak smile, trying to look like I meant it.

- Yeah, it is. I don´t know what Theresa would have done if she miscarried. She really loves that baby. So does Ryan.

She gave me a pointed look, daring me to argue. They all knew how I reacted when I found out about the pregnancy.

- I know. I forced the words out.

She sat down in a chair beside me, sighing deeply.

She looked exhausted.

Mrs Cohen had been on her way out when I came by and had probably been gone by the time the ambulance got there.

The Cohen´s must´ve been worried sick. Ryan´s like a son to them, a brother to Seth. If your son, your brother is worried, then your worried too.

And Ryan had been terrified. And so angry. At me.

Theresa´s child is their grandchild, Seth´s nice or nephew.

And they must´ve been scared that she would loose it, that she would miscarry. Or that she would die.

- What are you doing here Marissa?

- I´m the...

... reason she´s in a hospital in the first place.

I stopped myself in time and cleared my throat.

- I was the one that called 911.

- Yeah, Seth told me that. So, what are you still doing here?

She knew. Ryan had told Seth, and Seth had told his parents.

- I´m not... I´m not sure. I just felt like...

-Does Ryan know that you are here?

- Yeah. He saw me earlier. He... was making a phone call and...

Chills went down my spine. If looks could kill... The way he´d looked at me...

- What happened Marissa?

I didn´t know what to tell her, didn´t know if I even should be talking to her. Didn´t know if I had the energy to tell anymore lies.

- Marissa?

- It´s my fault. I... I pushed her.

- I knew it. I fucking knew it.

Ryan. Shit.

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TBC... So, was it worth your time? Let me know. Press the little button below. And, as long as I´m here... Does anyone know Theresa´s last name? Anyone? Plz...