Well I got kinda stuck with the Azrael's Girl squeal and the Chasing Amy story so I decided to make a Banky/Holden song fic. Inspired by how much Banky loathes Alyssa in the movie.

Disclaimer: Well it's been awhile since I last wrote one of these. Alrighty Kevin Smith holds all rights to Banky Edwards, Holden McNeil, and Alyssa Jones; Also Alanis Morissette owns the rights to her song 'You Oughta Know'. Basically I own shit.

Bold is the song.

Regular is them talking

Italics are thoughts or actions…you'll be able to tell the difference.


SLAM! How fucking dare she just flounce up into my happy life and take the most important thing in my life away from me! That fucking dyke! And how can he act all mushy towards her when he's got me!

I want you to know, that I'm happy for you
I wish nothing but the best for you both
An older version of me
Is she perverted like me
Would she go down on you in a theatre
Does she speak eloquently
And would she have your baby
I'm sure she'd make a really excellent mother

Honestly! I know this is a bit childish of me…but I saw him first! Good going Bank now you sound like a five year old….and you're talking to yourself! As long as you don't answer yourself back you've still got some sanity left.

Right me have sanity, that'll happen the day Holden and I get married as storm troopers by that stoner fuck.

……shit.


Cause the love that you gave that we made wasn't able
To make it enough for you to be open wide, no
And every time you speak her name
Does she know how you told me you'd hold me
Until you died, till you died
But you're still alive

And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know

It won't last, one day she'll dump his tired ass and then he'll be all mine….finally. One day I'll finally get what I want for once, no one will mess it up. I'll get my Holden back.

You seem very well, things look peaceful

I'm not quite as well, I thought you should know
Did you forget about me Mr. Duplicity
I hate to bug you in the middle of dinner
It was a slap in the face how quickly I was replaced
Are you thinking of me when you fuck her

Fuck, why am I thinking like this…I'm not gay! or am I? shit this puts a whole other perspective on my life. I guess guys are alright….Holden's pretty sexy in the morning…


Cause the love that you gave that we made wasn't able
To make it enough for you to be open wide, no
And every time you speak her name
Does she know how you told me you'd hold me
Until you died, till you died
But you're still alive

GAH! Who said that! Surely that wasn't me talking back there…ew. I love chicks! Chicks are the sexiest thing I've seen in my sad life….yeah! But I don't feel right….oh my books! Nothing like a centerfold to take all that queerness outta ya! And by queer I mean weird….not the other thing….

And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know

Bitch please, your fooling no one. Face it babe you're a queen! You've turned to the purple side and you didn't even know it. Banky Edwards…fagman in the flesh! What'll Hooper say, or better yet….what'll Holden say when he finally realizes you lust for his sexy bod…imagine the face he'll make!

Cause the joke that you laid on the bed that was me
And I'm not gonna fade
As soon as you close your eyes and you know it
And every time I scratch my nails down someone else's back
I hope you feel it...well can you feel it

Shut the fuck up you….other me! I do not like men, I do not like men, I do not like men, I do not like men, I do not like men……

Shit….I-I l-like m-m-men! GAH I said it! I can't believe I just sai- hey….that felt good.

And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know

Good honey, now go out there and claim your bitc- I mean go get your man!

...yeah……YEAH I'M GONNA GO CLAIM MY MAN FROM THAT BITCH!

Erm….Banky……whaddya screaming about, I can here you from miles away.

Oh lookit lover boys here in BOXERS! Time to raise the flag pool girls! Ohshit…ehehe nothing Holden...

Oh yeah well I think that nothing is a pretty big something…

Oh no seriously its noting at all- mmm mmmm!

Oh no he didn't just stick his tongue down your throat! WOOT! Someone's getting lucky and it ain't in Kentucky…Hahaha!

WhatthefuckwasthatIhopeyoumeantthatcauseIlikedit!

Bank…..breathe and repeat…

Er….I liked it…

Me too….